


These Things Happen

by writehandman



Series: The Happening [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Canon is a native song bird and I'm a house cat about to take it apart and use all the juicy bits, Canon-Typical Violence, Clone Centric, Cody has Big Brother Energy, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, M/M, Paperwork, Tax evasion, no beta we die like men, no seriously there's a lot of paperwork, sibling dynamics out the wazoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2020-09-28 21:17:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 38,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20432597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writehandman/pseuds/writehandman
Summary: Obi-wan Kenobi keeps promoting Cody. The promotion gets out of hand, and suddenly the balance of the universe shifts into the palm of a very competent, caffeinated man.





	1. Promotion Blues

**Author's Note:**

> can i get a yeehaw for the yeehaw squad that inspired me to write this?

Obi-Wan Kenobi, was an excellent general. That was a well known fact among the GAR, and fairly well known throughout the galaxy at large. It's the sort of thing that happened when one was a propaganda poster boy. 

What was rather _ unknown, _ was that CC-2224, Cody to everyone he didn't hate, ranked higher than Kenobi, higher than Master Yoda, and as Kenobi signed off on that last bit of paperwork, higher than the Supreme Chancellor himself.

Kenobi didn't know he'd done this of course. Theoretically, it was treason. But he had of course, ran out of ways to promote Cody, and had been forced to get creative, much to his commander's chagrin.

Dozens of open data pads were strewn across the desk he worked at, screens open to holos of ancient war texts. Highlighted, was every occurrence of a term for military officers. But the one you should focus on, is the Defense Secretary, highlighted in blue, and haphazardly added to the list of possible promotions.

Due to an obscure rule, long forgotten but still left in play, the Defense Secretary outranked everyone in times of war. 

Including elected officials, like the Supreme Chancellor.

\-----

Cody stood on the bridge of the Negotiator, clad in armor, as he tiredly watched a series of flashing lights going off on consoles. A variety of clone and natural born officers began scrambling to deal with whatever new crisis was happening. Hopefully it wouldn't be fatal. He didn't have enough time in his day to die.

Cody wasn't a hundred percent sure why he was even _ on _the bridge, seeing as he technically had his downtime scheduled. It could, quite accurately, also be called paperwork time, but that wasn't the point. The point was, he was here, bucket and all, when he could be at his desk in blacks, drinking caf. God, he wanted to be sitting down.

“Uh, Commander? Sir?” While he’d been busy daydreaming about his rather comfortable desk chair, a shiny holding a datapad had approached.

“Can I help you, trooper?” He turned to look at the newcomer, who with just a glance, became visibly nervous. Cody gave him three weeks before the 'commanding officer' jitters went away. Until then, it was pretty funny to stare him down.

“General Kenobi sent me, sir. He uh, he said to tell you that he'll be a few minutes late, and to apologise for interrupting your break. Sir.” The shiny held out the datapad for Cody to take.

“At ease, soldier.” Cody took pity on the poor kid, and took the pad from him. He turned it on, and entered his codes, to scroll through whatever Obi-Wan had sent his way. He was immediately greeted by a little note in the right corner that read:

_ Enjoy the promotions! -OWK _

And Cody immediately bit back a sigh of dread, and an explosion of curses. He understood the desire to reward excellent work, but Obi-Wan went overboard. Frequently. Almost always. Constantly. Actually, overboard was a very polite way to put it. Kriffing wild was more apt. More promotions meant more responsibilities, which meant more paperwork.

Cody hated paperwork.

“You got a name yet, soldier?” Cody looked away from the pad to see the shiny off.

“Ranger, sir.” Ranger said, surprise coloring his voice at being asked. Maybe it'd only take this one a week.

“Well Ranger, thank you for delivering this to me. Dismissed.” Cody nodded politely at him, and waited until he had walked out of earshot, only to curse quietly under his breath. “Damnit, Kenobi. Again? I _ just _ figured out how to deal with the new forms.”

“Well if you like, I can help you figure out the new ones.” A crisply accented voice came from over Cody's shoulder.

It was only due to _ years _of training on Kamino and a the years working with the Jedi, that Cody didn't jump out of his skin.

Instead he just turned and smacked him in the chest with the datapad. “I swear, I'm going to put a bell on you. You're too quiet, General. You're scaring the shinies.”

“Good morning to you too, Commander!” Obi-Wan beamed at him.

“Don't you pull that with me. I have paperwork to be doing, and with this thing you just pulled? I'm just assuming it'll be doubled.” He grumbled at him, gesturing with the datapad.

Obi-Wan gestured for him to walk with him. “I'll help you figure it out Commander. I'm sure it's less trouble than you think it will be.”

“General,” Cody trailed after the smaller man, who was walking quickly through the corridors. “With all due respect, that's bullshit. You said that last time, and I practically had to pass the bar exam to understand half of what was going on.”

Obi-Wan let out a bark of laughter. “It's a good thing you're a quick learner, eh Cody?” He stopped at the doors to his quarters and punched in the code, watching Cody leaning against the wall as the mechanisms whirred and opened. “Tired?”

Cody pushed himself off the wall with a soft grunt and rolled his shoulders, a quiet pop accompanying the movement. “I'm always tired, Obi-Wan. I've also only had two cups of caf so far today.” 

"Two is a normal amount, Cody. You just have a crippling caffeine addiction." 

"Sorry, I can't hear you over how tired I am." Cody snorted.

He sidestepped the ginger and walked into the small room. Of course, it was a bigger room than most on the ship, but nothing larger than a particularly spacious maintenance closet. A reasonable cot was pushed up against a wall, while a desk was opposite it. Cody moved the Jedi robe draped over the chair, to a storage compartment with a sigh. He walked back to the desk and collapsed into the chair, finally taking his bucket off.

“What was so important that you had to comm to meet me on the bridge? Especially during my break. You could have just as easily comm'd and asked me to meet you here.” 

“I could've yes, but I have reason to believe that our comms are being monitored by the GAR, and I have no desire to get in trouble for fraternization.” Obi-Wan sighed, sitting on his cot.

“Again.” Cody snorted. “That one admiral caught us arguing in the closet once, and took it the wrong way.”

“We argue in closets so it doesn't lower morale! It should've been obvious. If I want to jump your bones, I'll do that on our downtime. Fraternization my ass.” He grumbled, glaring at the ceiling. “It's so obvious. Who would use a closet for anything but storage or arguing?”

Cody's mind immediately went to the time he'd been traveling with the 501st and he and Rex stood awkwardly around as General Skywalker and Senator Amidala disappeared into a closet for twenty minutes. That was the quietest and most awkward twenty minutes he'd ever spent with Rex. And that included when Rex drunkenly declared a duel. And Cody had drunkenly agreed. And then Bly had to bail them out from where the guard had arrested him.

Fox still had those photos, the asshole.

“No clue sir.”

“Cody, you know that rank means nothing in this room. But, speaking of rank, you did get a few promotions." Kenobi grinned at him, the edges of his mustache curling and crinkling into his beard. 

“I thought rank didn't mean anything in this room, Obi-Wan.” He snarked back at him, reclining slightly in the chair. "Don't make me think about it.'

“Bah, you're no fun.” The ginger waved him off with a dismissive hand, his words betrayed by the twinkle in his eyes.

Cody snorted and stood up to make himself a cup of caf, and a tea for Obi-Wan. “I think if I tried to be fun, half the 212 would faint.”

“Cody, that simply isn't true. I'm sure the men know that you can have fun!” 

“Obi-Wan, the only people who have ever seen me unwind are you, Rex, Ponds, Bly, Wolffe and Fox.” He hesitated. “Actually, I think Rex might've dragged Skywalker to one of our nights out, but he passed out within a couple minutes.” Cody found the kettle and poured the hot water into two mugs, setting a tea bag into one, and stirring instant caf into the other.

“Anakin always was a lightweight. I've told you about the time when he was sixteen, right? On Corellia with the shots?” Obi-Wan laughed quietly.

“The one that ends with him meeting a duchess and puking on her shoes?” Cody asked, amused. “Yes, you have. Rex has it in his ‘blackmail’ folder as well.” He picked up both cups and held out the tea for Obi-Wan.

“That man, given the opportunity, could make fools of all of us.” Obi-Wan said, as he took the mug gratefully, taking a shallow sip to allow the water to cool slightly.

“Yes he could. Without any doubt.” Cody grimaced slightly as he drank the caf. Instant was never any good, and military grade instant? It was barely worth the caffeine it delivered. “He has _ far _ too much on me."

“Oh? Do tell.” 

“Absolutely not.” Cody glared at him. “I have to maintain_ some _dignity around here.”

“Fine. Keep your secrets.” Obi-Wan smiled over the rim of his mug. “But tell me, is the promotion truly that bad?”

“I've yet to discover that yet.” He said dryly. “I'm sure I'm about to, though. Hooray for me.”

“It'll be fine. I believe in you.”

\-----

Cody's head hurt. Cody wanted to space all his paperwork, and then himself. Twice. Cody was going to personally kill Obi-Wan Kenobi, and then destroy everything he held dear. If Cody got one more signature request, he was going to go feral. Cody was going to cry if he found another form he didn't understand. Cody was standing up at his desk, desperately wishing for a flamethrower. Or just a spanner. Actually, as he thought about it, his blaster might even do the trick.

A couple shots to the holopad and then he wouldn't have to deal with the reports anymore.

He was reaching for his holster when the hydraulics in the door activated and he had to quickly sit down and look professional. He grabbed a stylus and tried to appear busy.

Waxer stuck his head in the door. “Hey Commander!”

Cody _ would not _ groan. He _ wouldn't _ . “What is it, Waxer?” If it was another request to allow kids on the _ Negotiator, _Cody couldn't be held accountable for his actions.

“Let's say-”

“I'm going to stop you there. No. No kids on the ship. No, Ashoka doesn't count, she's a Jedi.” Cody said, gritting his teeth.

Waxer deflated a little, but didn't look surprised at all. “Not what I was going for, but it seems that your stance has yet to change.”

“It hasn't, It will not, nor will it ever change. We're at war.” Cody could feel his blood pressure rise. He'd better be careful or he'd pop a blood vessel at this rate.

“Bummer. Well, anyways, we got a new assignment, and the General told me to let you know, just in case you were buried in paperwork. Also that he had to make you a second holomail box to contain all the mail you were getting."

“... Thank you Waxer. Please leave.” Cody didn't even have the helmet to hide the despair that was slowly creeping onto his face.

“You got it. Think about the kids, yeah?” Waxer said cheerfully.

The door shut with a hiss. Cody buried his face in his hands and screamed. Quietly. Okay, kind of loud. Probably not loud enough to be heard outside, but with how jumpy shiny troopers are, he might've been. 

Cody picked up the tablet with the orders on it and sighed, mentally figuring how to make it through the battle with minimal casualties. He planned as much as he could with the time constraint, but not much could be done till they arrived and he could survey the situation himself.

Until they did, there was always paperwork. There was _ always _paperwork.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited 02/10/20


	2. Battles and Blasters

Blasterfire echoed around the canyon, and a deadly hush followed it. It wasn't the hush of peace, or of a silent evening. It was the hush of the dawning of battle, the silence that follows a declaration of war. The quiet that signaled death.

_ Ah kark. Here we go again. _

With a start, the world roared to life as soldiers came to arms and fired on the enemy, a company of droids, who were firing back, shot for shot. The clash of red with white, and blue upon metal, screams for medics and dying wails. 

That was the cacophony that greeted Cody's ears as he leveled his blaster and aimed. The world narrowed to just the trigger and the target as he fired, and leapt into action. One fell, which became a leaping point. A snap as a head spun with a mechanical wail and fell with a clunk on the ground. Two more shots in succession, and another went down. Three. Four. He became nothing but destruction, and a fierce determination to keep as many of his brothers alive as possible. 

_ If I can keep myself alive, I can kill more droids. The more droids I kill, the less brothers who die. _Cody repeated his mantra in his head as he kicked the head off a B-1.

Someone tripped and landed next to him. A few shots whizzed overhead as he grabbed an arm and hauls the trooper up. “C'mon soldier, on your feet. We've got to show these shinies how it's done.” He nodded to a small cluster of bright white armor, who were grouped together, each covering for the other. “They need to learn that the best way to kill droids-” He paused, and shot one square in the head. “-is to go after them.” _ (Five) _

The trooper shook a little but snapped off a salute. “Yes sir!” And plunged back into battle.

Making note of the man's armor, Cody went back into the fray, punching a few battle droids _ (Six, Seven, Eight) _ and shooting them as they stumble. _ Where's that kriffing Jedi when you need him? _ A quick glance over his shoulder as he shot _ (Nine) _ and he saw Kenobi, cutting down enemies, leaving glowing gashes, dripping down the husks like lava down the rim of a caldera. 

He'd taken down fourteen more _ (Twenty three) _, when he started to see vod going down, left and right. A shiny hit the ground and crumpled, and his squad mate crouches next to him, only to be hit square with a blaster bolt in the neck. A trooper with intricately drawn patterns along his back, lost the careful work to a stray shot that took him and his steady hand down. Obi-wan's bright blade was swallowed up in the throng of rushing droids. 

Cody watched as the 212 were overrun.

There were too many droids, too many ships, and the men were being pushed back. The canyon reflected the sound until all he could hear was his ears ringing as he saw his men, his battalion, his _ family,_ on the ground like ragdolls.

_ “Fall back! Fall back!” _

He didn't hear the words until they were out of his mouth. Unbidden almost, but yet somehow, they cut through the noise.

And then it stopped. The droids, the ships, all of it. Fascination took hold of those brothers who were going head to head, as their opponents suddenly stopped and began to retreat. An unnatural stillness among the clones began to cover the gulley as the droids fell back.

Those blasted clankers, the ones who had no remorse, no mercy, no emotions, and they fell back on his word.

The first to move on the retreating droids was a soldier Cody didn't recognize, fresh paint on his armor, and only a few scuffs mussing the plastoid. But the man threw himself at the droids with a vicious fury and mowed down three who didn't even move to protect themselves. He held up a severed head, wires dangling haphazardly and let out a gleeful shout.

And then all hell broke loose. Every trooper, from the shinies fresh off Kamino, to the most grizzled troopers who have seen more battle than they have downtime, rushed the opposing army. Cheers and wild yells echoed alongside the blasters as Cody watched every last tinny be obliterated. Droidekas reduced into scrap as their shields fall and the B-3's fell with well placed shots from all sides. B-1's went down with pushes and overzealous pummeling as their outer casing dented, and cracked, until the exposed wires could be pulled by the handful.

Within minutes, the ground was covered in heaps of smoking metal, and troops were laughing and celebrating the victory. Some began lifting their injured brothers and carrying them to the medics, others collected the fallen and began fashioning pyres with what flammable material was around. Some sit down and work through the worst of the battle shakes. Others still were quiet and motionless, the rise and fall of their chests the only sign that they hadn't fallen as well. But yet. But _ yet. _ But yet they won. A victory surely, but how? And _ why? _

\-----

Night fell, and brought with it a few straggling squadrons of battle droids, easily detached by the brothers who didn't feel like celebrating. Cody turned a blind eye to the hooch being passed around, he just hoped Flint had actually refined this batch, and that the hangovers wouldn't be as devastating this time around. Sometimes he wished the rules were less restrictive, because right now he'd rather be drunk and baffled than sober and baffled. 

Speaking of sober, where was Obi-Wan?

_ Ah. There he is. _ The flicker of flames illuminated the old brown robe in flashes of warm amber, bounced off of discarded pieces of armor. Some, now without owners, and some just placed down safely for the night.

“General.” Cody approached him slowly, speaking before he was near, just to allow the Jedi to know where he was.

“Hm? Oh. Cody. Care to sit down?” Obi-Wan gestured to the rock he was standing next to, looking off distantly.

He looked at him carefully. Obi-Wan's eyes were glassy with unshed tears, and red from holding them. His jaw was clenched, and his hair was limp against his head. Cody took the proffered seat and watched him as he paced silently, lost in his own world, the funeral pyre wrapping his figure in a halo of orange.

“They're so young- you're all so-” Kenobi's voice broke the tense silence that had formed. “This war is _ pointless. _” He paced with a slowly building fury, as the pebbles around his feet began to float. “The Jedi can just as easily serve a split republic, rather than being stretched thin, and killed en masse, not to mention the clones! Little gods, the clones! How can you stand me Cody? We're practically slavers- the GAR absolutely is, and we're complicit in it!” Larger and larger pebbles started to tink around the armor at Cody's ankles as Obi-Wan's fervor increased.

He stood up and grabbed the Jedi's shoulders firmly. “Obi-Wan. Breathe. Breathe.”

“Cody how can you-” 

“Obi-Wan. Shut up and listen.” Cody snapped at him, pushing him to sit onto the rock. “I understand. Kriff, I completely understand. You're right. It is slavery. But the Republic won't do anything until they feel stable, because they fear that given the chance, all of us will resign. We're flesh-droids to them. Until this war is _ over? _ The most we can do is survive. We survive, we protect our kin and we hope. We hope we have another day. And once this war is won, we're going to be free. What are they going to do? Not give a couple million, heavily armed, well trained military veterans citizenship?” He huffed wryly. “Until then, I turn my head the other way when _ vod _ can't take the war, when the shakes get too bad, and they become MIA. If I don't know they're alive, I don't have to court martial anyone.”

“I'm so sorry. _ I'm so sorry. _” Obi-wan whispered, burying his head in his hands. His shoulders began to shake, and the pebbles fell to the ground.

Cody sighed, and crossed his arms. “Obi-Wan. We live, we die. We march on. Don't weep over an unturned grave."

“How can you move on? Constantly? Every battle. Battle after battle and you lose brothers.” He looked up at Cody, tear tracks drying on his face, and new ones made at a sedate pace. "Cody it's been _ years_."

“Because we mourn. We mourn, and we help everyone cross over. They stay with us. We're one, yet separate. One heart, different souls.” Cody scrubbed his hands over his face. "We burn the bodies, and we say our remembrances. We always do."

"I know." Obi-Wan said, bitterness tinging his voice. "It's just…"

“I get it. I do. But you're going to be fine.” Cody said firmly. “C'mon. Up you get. No wallowing. Had anything to drink yet?”

“What?” Obi-wan asked, seemingly startled out of his melancholy. “No, not yet. Just water.”

“Excellent. That means you can drink Flint's current brew. I can't, but I want to know if it's any good.” He hummed, pushing the jedi toward the throng of celebrating clones. "I'm gonna live vicariously through you Kenobi."

“Oh dear. Didn't it almost blind a few men last time?”

“Oh absolutely. The medical department also requisitioned some for anesthetic. Apparently it numbed most nerve endings.” Cody grinned at him. “And I may have stolen some from medical.”

“Cody! You rascal.” Kenobi laughed, chasing away the lingering despair. “I didn't know you had it in you!”

“I've got a little rebellion in me.” Cody snorted. “Come on, let's get you something to drink so I can decide whether or not I want to bribe a shiny to get me a bottle.”

“Why a shiny? Why not one of the older men?”

“Oh, they're terrified of me. It's a test I like to do. They stop being shinies once they don't flinch when I walk by.” Cody found a reasonable place around a hovercart to sit. “Also, nobody would _ ever _ believe that I drink rotgut, if a shiny is the one telling it.”

Obi-Wan threw his head back and laughed. A long and joyful laugh, and Cody felt himself warm, a genuine smile turning up the corners of his mouth.

\-----

A quiet settled across the gathering, as the moon began to sink, and the first light of dawn began to touch the sky. The embers of the pyre had turned to nothing but smouldering ash, only a few warm ones left, the gentle breeze disturbing the coals and revealing a warm red glow.

The battalion was gathered around the burnt ground, the charred rock rubbing onto boots and leaving black residue on anything it touched. The silence became heavy and tangible, wrapping around every soul, like a thick wool blanket before it was broken with the first name.

A firm, determined voice called out “Dryll.” and a puff of ash was thrown up as a helmet was dropped onto the pyre.

“Cassidy.” A gauntlet joined the helmet.

“Wings.” A wavery voice called, as a bracer was added.

“Reino.” “Gyra.” “Steamer.” “Quentin.” “5612.” “Wesley.”

A chorus of names, and an eclectic collection of armor, some painted, some bright white began to create a pile, the ash coating each piece.

The names began to run out, and the armor came at a slower pace. And then everyone had been named, even those who hadn't had one, were remembered by their numbers, the only signifier they had. 

And then the grief bled into joy, as the sky got lighter._ Vod _ began sharing stories about each other, and the ones who had passed, laughter creeping around hearts and lifting the weight off them. By the time the sun had risen, every brother and sister had been remember, and each one of them was marching ahead into the day. Not gone, but scouting.

Obi-Wan, was next to Cody, covering his mouth in a laugh as a trooper next to him told a story about one who had passed on. (Jax, his mind supplied.) The trooper looked thrilled at having made their general laugh, and beamed.

“Thank you, my friend. You're quite the story teller!”

“Thank you general, I appreciate that.” The trooper nodded, smiling at him, and walking over to one of their brothers.

Obi-Wan closed his eyes and looked up. "Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum."

"Nu kyr'adyc, shi taab'echaaj'la." Cody responded in turn, patting his shoulder.

Obi-Wan nodded, and stared off towards the horizon, the canyon weaving and curving into its vanishing point. “We need to head off. And I need to talk to you about what happened with those droids.”

“Yeah, that seems like a pressing issue, one that _ really _ should be addressed.” Cody agreed, and began to walk to the shuttles on the ground to organize transportation. “You coming, General?”

“Just a bit. I've got to find the paperwork for this procedure- could you help me?”

_ Kriff. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited 02/10/20
> 
> Mando'a: 
> 
> Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum: I'm still alive, but you are dead. I remember you, and so you are eternal
> 
> Nu kyr'adyc, shi taab'echaaj'la: not gone, merely marching far away


	3. Obi-Wan Commits Tax Fraud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Space IRS are after Obi-Wan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey what's up we're back to Joakes and Jaypes!

“Terror.” Cody called.

“Yes sir?” The medic looked up from where he was working on suturing up a wound on someone's shoulder.

“How's everyone faring?”

“Well, morale is higher than usual, and we're all _ dying _ to know how you pulled off that fancy trick with shutting the droids down.” Terror cut the string and tied it neatly, throwing the needle into a sterilization bath. “Pass me that bacta, would you?”

Cody picked it up and handed it over without thinking. Terror wasn't someone you argued with. Or questioned.

“Thank you. So. Why don't you tell me that little trick of yours so I can reduce the amount of clankers I've gotta take out to get to idiots like this guy.” Terror poked the man in the chest. “_ Di'kut _.”

He looked sheepishly at Terror, but didn't argue, just gave a shrug and winced when it pulled at the stitches. Which made Terror glare at him even harder.

“I'll let you know when I figure it out myself.” Cody said wryly. “Trust me, if I could do that in every battle, the war would be over in a week.”

Terror nodded, and peeled his gloves off, disposing of them in a waste bin, before turning to his patient. “Stay still, don't strain it, or you'll find out why my name is Terror. Understood?”

“Yes sir.” The trooper nodded.

He smiled at him, “Good man.” and turned back to Cody. “Walk with me Commander.”

“I outrank you.”

“Has that _ ever _ stopped me?” The medic snorted, walking towards a quieter area of the medbay, gesturing for the other man to follow him.

“No, it never has. Unfortunately.” He sighed, trailing after him, until they stopped in front of an empty cot.

“Now sit.” Terror gestured.

“Oh little gods. Did I forget my corellian flu shot or something? I didn't get injured!” Cody insisted, a tiny bit of panic creeping into his voice.

“No. You're vaccinated, you're fine on that front. What I'd like to know, is when's the last time you slept?” He raised an eyebrow, looking down at him.

“I'm on my feet! I'm not tired!” He groaned.

“Okay. If you wanna play _ that _ game. How many stims and how much caf have you had? I'll even go easy on you. In the last… hm. 48 hours.”

“... I plead the fifth.”

“Not going to work, because one, we're not citizens, and two, we're barely considered people. So the only laws in here? Are _ my _laws.”

“Kriff. Fine. I've taken five stims, and I lost track after twelve cups.” He sighed, running a hand through his close cropped hair.

“_H__ow are you still alive? _” Came the incredulous reply. “You should have died of kidney failure by now.”

“If I sleep, will you let me go?”

“I need holos as proof. I want you to record yourself for at least six hours, _ asleep _. And if you're faking it?”

Cody had a flashback to when he'd stubbornly refused to sleep. Terror had kept him in a headlock, and pinned for three hours straight until he had passed out. That was probably one of the most embarrassing moments of his life.

“Yeah. No, I understand the consequences. I'll sleep, I swear.”

“Alright. Now shoo. Get out of my medbay.” He was ushered to the door. “I'm busy. Go sleep. Let me know when you figure out your magic droid trick.”

“Okay I'll-” The door had shut behind him before the second word was out of his mouth. “-Alright then.”

\-----

Cody woke up to the sound of his comm going off. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes, and grudgingly grabbed the little device. He clicked it on and answered. “Hello?” He said, voice a little raspy and thick from the disuse through the night.

_ “Cody! Oh dear, did I wake you?” _

“Yeah, Don't worry, I probably got enough that Terror won't sedate me, it's okay.”

_ “That man impresses and scares me in equal measure.” _

“You and me both.” He yawned and got out of his bunk, rummaging around for some instacaf.

_ “Any chance you have time scheduled so we can discuss what happened last battle?” _

“Yeah sure. My schedule is mostly cleared, I just have some training blocked off for the afternoon, and the rest is just paperwork. Whenever is good for you.”

_ “I'll pop by your office in say, half an hour?” _

“Works for me. Hey, could you bring caf with you? I only have the instant stuff at the moment, and I _ know _you bought the nicer stuff and keep it stashed for when I'm having a bad day.” He asked, slightly muffled as he began to pull the grays on. It was a flight day, no use in getting fully kitted.

“_Is it a bad day?” _ Even through comm, Obi-Wan sounded concerned.

Cody scowled. “Any day where I block off eight hours for paperwork is a bad day.”

_ “Alright. I'll get you your caf _ .” The Jedi laughed. _ “See you in a bit. Goodbye.” _

“Bye.” Cody hung up, and made sure he didn't have pillow imprints on his face before he left. Didn't make the shinies _nearly _as fearful when he looked rumpled.

\-----

“So you think it's a fluke?” Obi-Wan asked again.

“I think it's weird, but worth noting.” Cody sighed, taking a long drink from the _ heavenly _ cup of caf that was in front of him. Fuck the GAR for not making this standard.

“What if it happens again?” The ginger mused, stroking his beard absently.

“Then I keep trying it, and if it keeps working, we stop the war. Simple.”

“Cody, the war is very political, and-”

“- Obi, if there's no fighting, there's a lot more room for politics to happen.”

“Alright, you have me there, but. It works until it doesn't.” He sighed. “And I'm just afraid we'll get complacent, and then when the droids become immune, we'll lose _ so many_.”

“That's _ if _ we get complacent. No, we'll go in fully equipped every time, so when it doesn't work we're prepared. Hell, I'm fully convinced this is just a crazy bug in their systems that we exploited and will _ promptly _ be patched.”

“Well. Here’s to flukes?” Obi-Wan raised his own mug of tea, and clinked it lightly against Cody's.

“Here's to flukes.”

\-----

He was in his office doing, surprise! Paperwork. Stacks upon stacks of paperwork, when he was interrupted. He looked up, hoping it'd either be Kenobi to chat with, or even Terror come to yell at him. Anything to break up the monotony.

“Sir? Uh some work came in through the ship channels. It's addressed to you.” A younger trooper, with slightly longer than regulation hair was standing in the doorway.

Cody didn't groan. He didn't. “Hand it over, soilder.” He bit his tongue to not curse out loud at the concept of having more work.

The trooper nodded, and handed over a physical envelope. It was cream, and relatively thick paper, with _ 'Commander Cody, 212th Battalion’ _ embossed in a deep blue ink. The weirdest part was a stamp in the corner. Who even sent letters? Much less with a _ stamp_.

He nodded and waved him off. When the door had hissed fully shut, he opened it carefully, trying not to tear the paper, and succeeding for the most part, tearing only a single corner.

It read:

_ To Commander Cody, _

_ We hope this letter finds you well. We have recently been informed that you are one Obi-Wan Kenobi's superior officer. _(Wait, what?)

_ Due to the fact that we have been unable to reach him by any means, we have had to get a bit creative in contacting him. We are sorry for any trouble this letter brings you. _

_ Obi-Wan Kenobi is wanted by the RTB, (Republic Tax Bureau) for felony level tax evasion. Enclosed is the letter that we would be pleased if you gave to Mr. Kenobi. If you could pass this along it would make our jobs much easier. If we do not receive his filed taxes in the next two months, we will file with the bounty guild and offer a reward equal to the amount he owes. _

_ With thanks, _

_ Ug'azk Okigy, RTB CFO _

“Kriff me sideways with a Phindian cactus. Of course Kenobi is a wanted criminal.” Cody groaned, and lowered his head to his desk, where he hit a few times with a couple satisfying thunks. And after they'd had such a nice conversation!

He was cursed, that had to be it. Some entity out in the universe seemed to have it out for Cody specifically. Because he hadn't had a quiet day since he met Kenobi. _ But you like it like that _ some little voice in the back of his head said. He swatted at it until it retreated into his subconscious where it belonged.

This was of course, not the first scuffle Kenobi had gotten into with the law, but normally it was average, normal things! Like murder. Or brawling. And a few times public intoxication, but Cody had been sworn to secrecy about that. (Cody had also been involved in the public intoxication, but he was very determined not to let that get out. He and Obi-Wan had a mutually assured destruction thing going on there.)

Only a Jedi could be chased to the ends of the universe for tax fraud. And as luck would have it, Cody would just_ have _ to be involved in this mess.

Obi-Wan was absolutely going to get this letter, and a stern talking to. Also, he was going to see if he could somehow get a bucket of ice water to douse Kenobi with. Like a cat. A shitty, annoying, orange cat with commitment issues.

\-----

“Cody- please, a little help?” Obi-Wan begged, clutching the multitude of paperwork to his chest.

"I don't have time for this. I have two hours worth of paperwork to do." He scrubbed a hand down his face, exhausted.

"Surely it can't be all that much!" Obi-Wan protested. “Two hours isn't that long.”

Cody aggressively pointed to his desk, which was inexplicably covered in stacks of flimsiplast. Which, didn't make sense, seeing as it was infinitely more cost effective to keep it on holo, so we can only assume that some intern decided it would look more imposing. Or perhaps we should consider that Cody himself did it as an excuse for not going to social events hosted by the troops.

“I am _ not _ helping you file your taxes, Kenobi. You dug your own grave.” He reiterated. “And you gave yourself the shovel when you promoted me to the point where apparently, I qualify for this much work.”

“You are qualified!”

“Obi-Wan. I was not designed for this. This is borderline ridiculous. I have _ so _ much work to do. Doing your taxes _ absolutely _ will void my warranty, and then I can't be held responsible for what I do. This is your circus, and your monkey-lizards.” He shrugged. “But, if, say, you finish and want to get hammered with me afterwards? I'm fully down for that.”

“Will you at least read over my work if I finish it?” The Jedi scrubbed a hand down his face.

“Only if you bargain for two bottles of Flint's good stuff. And I mean his _ refined _shit. The stuff that burns, but doesn't leave you blinded.” Cody acquiesced.

“You drive a hard bargain. Deal.” Obi-Wan stuck his hand out to shake.

Cody grasped it firmly, and shook it. “Now get out of my office. I genuinely have to do this paperwork.”

Obi-Wan gave him a lazy salute. “Of course commander.”

“Don't pull that shit on me. I apparently have the power to make you do things. Like your taxes.”

“Alright, alright! I'm off.” The Jedi laughed, and walked out, leaving him alone.

\-----

“CODY WHAT DOES IT MEAN BY 'MY YEARLY INCOME’? I'M A JEDI I DON'T HAVE AN INCOME.”

“Where's my alcohol Kenobi? I'm not even gonna humor you without my alcohol.”

“WHAT'S A TAX BRACKET?”

\-----

“Cody, darling, my favorite man in the galaxy, will you-”

“No. Go away.”

\-----

“_Please _ I'm begging you, I cannot fathom _ half _of what is on this page. Do I claim the whole battalion as my dependents? Can I claim Anakin?”

“What part of _ get out of my office _ did you not understand?”

“Is Ahsoka a dependent? Cody, is Ahsoka a dependent?”

\-----

Obi-Wan was lying on the floor of Cody's office, tears streaming down his face. “I can greet a monarch in three hundred and eight different languages, and I know twice as many respectful bows. Why didn't they teach us to file our taxes?”

\-----

“What the kriff does 'religious exemption’ mean?”

“It means that if you're a religious organization, you're exempt from paying taxes.”

“Cody. Are you _ fucking kidding m- _”

\-----

“I have never been more upset in my life.” Obi-Wan slurred, knocking the hooch almost entirely off the desk, Cody barely able to grab it in time. “You're a…” Kenobi stumbled over the words in basic before scowling. “Gar're a shabuir a Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum.”

Cody laughed at him, and took his glass away, polishing off the rest of the alcohol. “Gar're copikla tion'tuur gar jorhaa'ir mando'a." He put the glasses in a drawer haphazardly. They were future Cody's problem. “Alright General. You're hammered, it's time for bed.”

“M not… cute.” Obi-Wan grumbled. “What if we got married?”

Cody almost dropped him in his surprise. “Excuse me?”

“Married. Y'know… riduurok.” Obi-Wan leaned into him. “Was on my taxes. You get… ben- benefits for being married.”

“Cyar'ika, we are not nearly sober enough to have this… con- conversa- talk. In the morning.”

“Anakin got married, why can't I? Di'kut jettise…” Kenobi groaned, throwing his head against Cody's shoulder. “We've been together forever!”

“I love you too, if you're serious in the morning, next shore leave. I swear.” He hauled him to the Jedi's quarters. “C'mon, bed. We're going to be _ very _ hungover.”

“N’ly f you stay... Don wanna be ‘lone.” Obi-Wan was becoming less and less understandable. Probably didn't help that his face was plastered to Cody's bicep.

“Fine. Sleep time.” Cody punched in the code, and took off the rest of the itchy wool uniform, and efficiently stripped Obi-Wan of his tunics, before stumbling towards the bed.

The ginger was right behind him, falling into the bed with a pleased groan.

“Lights, please.”

Obi-Wan raised his hand and lazily flicked the lights off with the force. “Not… misuse. G'night cyar'ika...”

“Goodnight.” He pressed a tired kiss to his head and settled in for the night. Cody drifted into sleep, guided by the sound of soft snoring next to him.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gar're a shabuir a Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum.”: you're a jerk but I love you
> 
> Gar're copikla tion'tuur gar jorhaa'ir mando'a: you're cute when you speak mando'a
> 
> (I think it's very funny if drunk Obi-Wan speaks in different languages)


	4. Cody is a Dick in the Group Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> breakfast, texting and going AWOL (sorta)! What more could you want?

Obi-Wan was eating a piece of toast in the mess, leaning against Cody. “I am so hungover.”

Cody snorted and brushed the bit of auburn hair that had fallen down, out of his face. “Didn't use your Jedi toxin filtering thing?”

He gave him a withering look. “Well, it only works if I'm sober enough to remember how to do it.”

“Don't be like that cyar'ika.” He snorted. “You were a very cuddly drunk. Very romantic. You even proposed to to me.”

“Did I _ really _ propose to you drunk?” Obi-Wan groaned. “Because I am _ mortified _.”

“Yes you did. And I have no issue getting married. Even if it is for tax benefits.”

“I am still, very, very annoyed at you for not telling me about religious exemption, off the cuff.”

“Payback is a bitch, and she's lovers with karma.” Cody beamed at him. “You make me do excess paperwork, I make _ you _ do excess paperwork.”

“I do not- it's not excess! It's rank appropriate!”

“And who kept promoting me to this rank?”

Kenobi scoffed. “I'm sorry that you're a high ranking military commander. Is that better?”

“Apology accepted.”

“Well. Theoretically, if we were to get married, of course. Would you want to just do a regular ceremony?” Obi-Wan asked, picking at his (imitation) sausage. “Just, an official, and a few witnesses?”

“Yeah, not a big 'white wedding’ guy. I’d want to invite some of my brothers. Probably just…” He counted in his head quickly. “Four, maybe five?”

“Mm, that's well within the bounds of discreet. Especially if you're inviting who I think you are. Should I invite Satine? I feel like I should.”

“If you don't, I will. She would be righteously angry if she found out she wasn't.” Cody shuddered a little. “That woman is very _ very _intimidating for a pascifist.”

“Mm. I'll draft an invitation.” Obi-Wan sat upright suddenly. “_Little gods,_ how funny would it be if I invited Anakin?”

Cody choked on his caf. “Oh kriff. The look on his _ face_. We can’t tell him it's a wedding. We should tell his wife, but not him.”

“Absolutely. Oh dear me, this is very, very funny.” Obi-Wan laughed behind his hand, his face split into a full, sunny grin.

“He'll lose his shit. Also, Ahsoka will want to be your flower girl, or bridesmaid or what not.”

“Maybe ring bearer? She seems like she'd enjoy that more than say, throwing flower petals.” Obi-Wan mused.

“True. We can plan the guest list out further later. I'm just letting you know, though, that I fully intend to have a bachelor party.” Cody ate some more of his eggs, grimacing at the texture of a particularly gritty piece. “Probably do it the next time we're on Coruscuant.”

“I would expect nothing less. I wonder if Dex would do a reception for us…” Obi-Wan picked up his datapad.

“Course he would. He likes you, and he likes your business even more.”

Obi-Wan chuckled, and began scrolling the holonet, looking for his friends contact, when a curious message popped up. “Oh- I have a message from the Chancellor. Interesting.”

“What's it about?

“He wants to see us both about the report I _ just _filed.” Obi-Wan frowned slightly behind the beard.

“The one about the fluke in the droids?” Cody asked, around a mouthful of toast.

“Indeed. That's quite strange, he must've read it immediately. His request is marked urgent, as well.”

“Huh.”

Obi-Wan opened the message attached, and let out a soft laugh. “Well my dear, looks like you might be getting your stag night sooner than you thought.” He began drafting a reply. “We've been requested in person.”

\----

_ Resident Braincell: hey assholes, who wants to plan my bachelor party for this weekend _

_ Wolffe(uwu): ME!!!! I WANT TO!!! ILL FIGHT REX!! _

_ Wolffe(uwu): wait WHAT who are you marrying _

_ Wolffe(uwu): CODY WHO ARE YOU MARRYING _

_ Bly-nd Sided: is it Kenobi??? If it's not Kenobi he's gonna be very mad and do his pouty thing at you _

_ Resident Braincell: of course I'm marrying obi, dumbass _

_ Resident Braincell: as if i could marry anyone else _

_ Pondsering: you could marry amidala and watch Skywalker lose his shit _

_ T-Rex: that's dumb and you should feel dumb for even suggesting it _

_ Pondsering: you just don't want to deal with the fallout _

_ T-Rex: Ponds that's Mean. He would whine so much. To me. Or worse. To the ARCs. _

_ Pondsering: lmao _

_ T-Rex: also, who said you could plan the bachelor party _ ** _@wolffe(uwu)_ **

_ Wolffe(uwu): cody please I wanna plan the party I love planning parties it's my calling in life _

_ Bly-nd Sided: last week you said your calling in life was to make plo smile _

_ Wolffe(uwu): I CAN DO TWO THINGS AT ONCE BLY LET ME LIVE _

_ Foxy Grandpa: congrats Cody!!!! Also who changed my name again _

_ Wolffe(uwu): _ ** _@Resident Braincell_ **

_ Bly-nd Sided: _ ** _@Resident Braincell_ **

_ T-rex: _ ** _@Resident Braincell_ **

_ Pondsering: _ ** _@Resident Braincell_ **

_ Resident Braincell: wow called out on my decant day. rude. _

_ Resident Braincell: also i did my civic duty to make things fun _

** _[Foxy Grandpa changed their name to -> Fox]_ **

_ Fox: I am fun _

** _[Resident Braincell changed Fox to -> Party Pooper]_ **

_ Party Pooper: ugh fine I'll do something 'fun’ _

** _[Party Pooper changed their name to -> CC-Fuck You]_ **

_ CC-Fuck You: see i can do fun. Also. dude it is 100% not your decant day today _

_ Resident Braincell: sure it is. you weren't alive to be able to prove otherwise _

_ CC-Fuck You: I am literally two minutes younger than you _

_ Resident Braincell: sucks to suck _

_ Resident Braincell: anyway wolffe you can plan my party _

_ Wolffe(uwu): HELL YES HELL YES SUCK IT REX _

_ T-Rex: i feel upset and also confused _

_ Resident Braincell: what's new though _

_ Pondsering: oooooo sick burn _

_ Pondsering: i respect you more every day _

_ T-Rex: why is everyone BULLYING ME _

_ T-Rex: normally we bully fox!!!!!! _

_ CC-Fuck You: haha how the turns have tabled _

_ Resident Braincell: anyway im taking Rex so we can go figure out what the plan is for my wedding, all obiwan figured out was the reception _

_ T-Rex: good. almost thought I wasn't your best friend anymore. Letting wolffe plan your bachelor party. Ridiculous _

_ Resident Braincell: dont get cocky i can easily make fives my best friend _

_ Bly-nd Sided: ASKKSJDKSLSJDKSLALR Cody replaces Rex with an ARC trooper asmr _

_ T-Rex: i hate all of you _

_ CC-Fuck You: welcome to the club little brother _

_ Wolffe(uwu): cody do you want cake????? _

_ Resident Braincell: your choice vod you have free reign _

_ Wolffe(uwu): codY NO THIS IS TOO MUCH POWER IM BAD AT DECISION MAKING _

_ Pondsering: hey uh isn't your whole job making decisions _

_ Wolffe(uwu): blocked. Deleted. Reported to Fox _

_ Bly-nd Sided: im gonna tell your dad that you can't make decisions _

_ Wolffe(uwu): NO PLEASE HE'LL BE DISAPPOINTED IN ME _

_ Resident Braincell: :-) _

** _[Resident Braincell disconnected]_ **

_ Wolffe(uwu): FUCK _

\-----

Rex was already waiting for Cody at the transport hanger, amongst the milling of orange and white as shuttles came and went. Cody had to do a double take, because Rex wasn't in his usual armor, instead in a new set, with brand new paint on it. Must've broken a major piece in battle. The helmet was wildly different as well, and Cody immediately clocked it as the new phase that he'd seen concepts for. He knew it was Rex for sure, because of the exhaustion and stress radiating off him. Also the slight slouch. Rex had perfect military posture, but somehow, his pure essance gave you the impression of an unimpressed slouch at all times.

Cody jogged over to him, pulling him into a tight one armed hug. “Hey vod'ika, how's it going?”

“It's fine, it's fine.” Rex grumbled.

“Take off that helmet so I can make sure your face isn't frozen in place from frowning so much.”

“Don't be ridiculous.”

“Why can't I be ridiculous?”

“Aren't you supposed to be responsible?” Rex shot back at him.

“Who decided I was the responsible one?” Cody groaned. “I'm ninety percent sure dipshit runs in our blood.”

Rex elbowed him away. “You did. When you proclaimed yourself the oldest.”

Cody stuck his tongue out at him. “I _ am _ the oldest. Doesn't mean I'm responsible.”

“Oh we know. You just happen to possess the strongest cognitive ability at any given moment.”

“True. I am pretty good at thinking things all the way through. Also. How, and why, are you here? I could've sworn I just signed off on forms to have the 501st do a large scale hyperloop.”

“I dyed a shiny blonde, and have been feeding him information.” Rex said smugly.

“Is _ that _ why you're wearing the new armor?” Cody choked on a laugh. “Oh that is too funny. _ Please _ tell me you have a picture.”

Rex took off his helmet, gesturing for Cody to do the same. After he had unclasped and unsealed it, he tossed it to Rex, having already taken the proffered helmet.

The HUD inside was already queued to the picture and a few text boxes. Smart little brother, that one. Anticipated things, which Cody realized, was probably what kept you alive when fighting alongside Skywalker.

He took a good look at the image of the younger trooper posing as Rex. “Kriff me, that kid looks at _ least _ three years younger than you. Aw, look at him, trying to do your little scowl! He's precious!”

“Codes, you gotta read the messages. It gets better.” Rex chuckled, tucking the battered and painted helmet under his arm, careful not the scratch the orange anymore.

Cody flicked over to the text boxes, pulling them to the forefront of his vision.

_ Wade: sir, please, the general and the commander keep telling me I'm not you _

_ Wade: sir they're onto you _

_ Capt. Rex: hang in there vod, tell them that you're sick and don't have time to deal with their jedi nonsense _

_ Wade: sir!!! I can't insult the Jedi!!! _

_ Capt. Rex: sure you can _

_ Wade: :-( _

_ Wade: they told me they were just messing with me because I was being polite???? _

Cody took the helmet off, almost crying with laughter, his breath coming in short and hysterical pants. “Oh kark Rex! I can't believe you're actually pulling this off!”

Rex smirked. “I am nothing if not resourceful. And since we're just doing a crawl, in what is essentially fully republic space, I don't have any problem leaving them to their own devices.”

“I'm not making excuses for you if the Resolute explodes. I won't even help you fake your own death.”

He shrugged. “Whatever happens, I'll improvise.”

“Careful, you're sounding like your general there.” Cody knocked his shoulder. “This is _ exactly _ a Skywalker plot.”

“A what? What the fuck is a Skywalker plot?” Rex asked.

“It's an idiot plot, but the issue could be resolved if only Skywalker wasn't there.” He laughed at him. “The term came about after the last time we worked with the five oh one.”

Rex rolled his eyes, but the corner of his mouth was turning up. “Skywalker is an idiot, Isn't he?”

“He still thinks his marriage is a secret. He is _ the _ galaxy’s greatest idiot. You cannot prove to me that of you read his mind, it would be anything other than elevator music.”

His brother snorted. “Which is why I have complete faith that this will work. So stop questioning how I'm here, and start focusing on how we're gonna go get trashed tommorow tonight. Also we should go bully Fox into pulling strings to get Bly on planet.”

“Oh, I'm already planning on it.” Cody grinned at him. “I'm drafting an official request and everything.”

“Excellent! Let's go get something to eat. I would rather eat glass than another ration bar.” Rex screwed his face up, his nose crinkling at the thought.

“I know a great little diner.” Cody suggested. “It's one of Obi's favorite places, and I have to go see about catering anyway.”

“Sure. I could do diner food. Lead the way the vod.” Rex nudged him. “Let's go.”

Cody snorted and started walking through the crowd, weaving in and out. “Do you want to get a drink first?”

“Hells yeah. Let's go get sloshed!” He cheered up significantly. "Man, I think I'm gonna enjoy planning this wedding for you."


	5. Vibe Check

Cody might have been a little drunk. Scratch that. Cody was pretty damn drunk, and Rex wasn't helping. His little brother was being an enabler and kept buying him drinks. And then blew up his spot by letting the bartender know that Cody had just gotten engaged, and then suddenly they were getting  _ free  _ drinks and now Rex felt duty bound to drink as much as possible. (Cody wasn't passing up free booze either, but that was neither here nor there)

“Hey, hey Rex, watch this.” Cody giggled slightly, leaning against him. “I've got the shinies whistle trained.”

“What does that mean?” Rex asked, his words slurring together a little.

Cody gestured to the dance floor, and the amalgamation of tables scattered around, packed wall to wall with clones, and the occasional nat-born person. “I've got em whistle trained, Rex. I  _ guarantee _ I can find every 212 shiny in this bar in under ten seconds.”

“Prove it.” Rex snorted, and did another shot before turning to watch the crowd.

He grinned at that, and stood up, only wavering a bit. Cody put his fingers in his mouth and let out a piercing whistle. 

The effect was immediate, a ripple went through the crowd, as a few dozen clones stood to sharp attention. The quick motion jostled people around them, and a look of confusion crossed every face that had moved at the sudden noise.

Rex collapsed into a fit of laughter, as Cody grinned smugly. “See! Whistle trained!” He turned back to the crowd and called. “At ease!” and the few who were still standing at attention relaxed and went back to what they had been doing.

Cody collapsed back onto his barstool, cackling. “I proved it, so you owe me something.”

“Like what?” Rex snorted, beginning to catch his breath back.

“I don't know. I'll think of it later.” Cody waved it off.

“Not another drink?” He teased him, clinking his empty shot glass against Cody's full beer.

“Oh please, no. I have a meeting with the chancellor tomorrow afternoon. I  _ can't _ be any more hungover than I already am going to be.” He groaned, before turning back to the bar. “Speaking of which! Could I get a water please?”

The bartender smiled at him and passed him a glass. 

Cody lifted the water up and cheers'd the bartender with a grin, before trying to drink it all as quickly as possible.

“Drinking it faster won't make you anymore hydrated.” An amused voice came from over Cody's shoulder, causing him to whip around to see who it was.

A clone with a regulation haircut, missing an eye with an equally dramatic scar was grinning at him.

“Wolffe! How's it going little brother?” He beamed at him. “What’re you doing here? Want a drink? We've been getting free drinks since I got engaged.”

“Hey Cody. Hey Rex'ika.” He snorted, leaning against the bar in-between them. 

“I am seriously not that young.” Rex groaned. “Why do you insist that I'm so much younger than you?”

“It's cause you're a CT.” Cody said conspiratorially. “Can I get a drink for my brother here?” He asked the bartender, smiling at her. 

“Sure, course honey.” She laughed, and slid Wolffe an ale. “On the house, since our favorite commander is gettin married.”

“Thanks.” Wolffe took it gratefully. “Haven't exactly been paid recently. I appreciate it.”

“We're never paid.” Rex pointed out.

“That's the joke.” 

“... I knew that.” Rex grinned sheepishly.

Wolffe snapped his fingers in rapid succession, to get their attention. All the while drinking his beer, looking at the bottom of glass, holding their focus with his waving hand. He finished and set his glass down. “Speaking of drunk! Finish up that water Codes, your beau sent me to come get you.”

“What? Why?” He groaned. “M out drinking!”

“Chancellor moved the appointment to tomorrow, well, technically, this morning.”

Cody gaped at him. “You've gotta be kidding me.”

“Unfortunately not!” Wolffe said cheerfully, slapping him on the back. “I've called you a cab, it should be outside.”

Cody glared at both of them. “I've decided I hate having little brothers.”

Rex laughed at that. “Tough luck vod! Hope you're not hung over for your meeting!”

Cody flipped him off as he walked out, towards the cab Wolffe had called.

Wolffe turned to Rex, once Cody was gone. He then pulled out an itinerary planner, with everything color coded in neat lettering. “I need your help. This is a  _ lot _ harder than I thought.” He said, panic lacing his voice.

Taking his last shot, Rex sighed and held a hand out for the book. “What was it you were saying about me  _ not _ planning this bachelor party?”

\-----

There were so many secret entrances to the Jedi temple, that Cody didn't even  _ try  _ to get in through the temple guards. Instead he went back a couple blocks, climbed to the closest second story roof, and jumped onto a ledge with a matinence hatch. Honestly, there were so many entry points, that the temple would be screwed if they were ever invaded or overrun.

He opened the door after picking the locking mechanism, and slipped through the maintenance hallways. They were designed for cleaning droids, so it was a bit of a squeeze. Eventually it opened up at an access point, where all he had to do was wait for a droid to enter or exit and slip into the halls. Cody stood around for barely a minute before a little mouse droid rolled past. Once he was in the hallway of the temple proper he stopped and got his bearings, nodding politely at the few Jedi who were walking through this late at night.

It was maybe a six, seven minute walk to Obi-wan's quarters, and when he reached them, instinctively punched in the code that would give him access on the  _ Negotiator _ . It was probably a security threat that the same code opened these doors too. 

Obi-Wan was sitting on his couch, back against the armrest, and legs curled underneath him. Holopad in hand, holding a cup of tea that had begun to lose heat, he looked up at Cody and smiled softly. “I see you got my message.”

Cody snorted and walked over, setting his helmet on the low table near the couch. “I did. Why are you still up cyar?” He sat right next to him, beginning to unclasp the rest of his armor.

“Figured I'd wait for you. Catch up on paperwork and whatnot.” He shrugged, leaning his head against Cody's shoulder briefly, before setting his cold cup down next to the helmet. (On a saucer, of course. Obi-Wan Kenobi may be a little frazzled, but he's not a  _ monster _ .)

“You should be asleep.” He turned and kissed his forehead. “Let me get the rest of this off, and I'll join you. Go to bed, at least  _ one  _ of us should be awake and not hungover for meeting with the chancellor.”

Obi-Wan laughed and stood up, stretching as he did. “Mm. You're right. I truly just wanted to make sure you got back safely.”

He undid his gauntlets and bracers, raising an eyebrow. “I'm always safe. Safer than you at least, Mr. “I’ll jump off this building, I have the force”.”

“Well it worked, didn't it?” Obi-Wan sniffed haughtily. “I'll have you know, I'm going to bed.”

Cody laughed lightly at that. “Alright, whatever helps your ego. I'll be right in.” He stripped the rest of the armor off efficiently, as Obi-Wan padded to the bedroom. If you could even call it that. It was more so a little closet that Obi-Wan had squeezed a mattress and a table into.

He set the rest of his armor on the table, picking up the saucer and cup, bringing those to the sink. He rinsed them, and set them to dry. He wiped his hands on his blacks, unwilling to look for a towel as he walked into the bedroom, promptly crawling in next to Obi-wan. “Scooch over. You're hogging the blanket.”

The ginger yelped. “Cody! Your blacks are wet!”

“I washed your tea cup and didn't want to find a towel.” He complained. “It's fine, they'll dry.”

“I don't want to cuddle when you're soggy.” He got up and dug through his drawer. “Here. These are my loosest pair of leggings.”

Cody rolled his eyes, but hid a smile. “Alright cyar'ika.” He grabbed the clothes and changed, before crawling into bed.

Obi-Wan lifted his arm off his face an inch or so. “Better. Good night.”

“Night.”

\-----

Obi-Wan must've done  _ something _ with the force or whatnot, because Cody had never felt better in the morning. Even with all the drinking. (It was a lot of drinking.)

“Cody? Are you up yet?” Obi-Wan called, the sound creeping in through the slightly ajar door.

“Just a second.” He responded, groaning slightly as he sat up in bed.

“Alright. I'm making space oatmeal.”

Cody threw on a shirt he scrounged up from Obi-wan's floor, bringing it to his nose and doing a quick sniff check. He wandered out into the main room, leaning against the counter in the kitchenette. “Oatmeal, huh?” 

“I can only do so much dear.” He snorted, stirring the pot over the flame.

Cody leaned over and kissed his cheek. “I'm not complaining. Have you made any tea or caf yet?”

“Mm. Not yet, it's in the cupboard.” 

“Alright, I've got it.” He hummed, starting the kettle. Grabbing the grounds and the tin with Obi-wan's favorite blend, he set them down before looking for the sugar. “Preference on mugs?”

“Green one for me, dear.” He smiled at him over his shoulder.

Cody pulled it out, as well as his preferred white one with hand painted banthas doing menial tasks on it. (If he had to pick his favorite, it was the bantha with the apron vacuuming. There's just something very amusing about animals doing people things.) He pulled the kettle out, and added the water to both mugs.

Obi-Wan smiled at him. “Sit on down, it's almost done and we can prep for our meeting.”

\-----

The Senate building loomed menacingly overhead as the two of them approached. Cody clocked the paint on the two guarding the door, and wracked his brain for the names. “Drift, and… Shorlyne, yes?” 

“Yessir.” Shorlyne nodded. “Commander Fox asked me to tell you that he wishes you luck and to not use the second elevator from the right.”

“Understood. Thank you trooper.” Cody nodded at him, as they let them through the entrance.

Obi-Wan walked alongside him into the opulent lobby, and leaned slightly into his space. “What do you think Commander Fox meant about the elevator?”

Cody snorted. “He's complained about it enough. That's the elevator that doesn't stop if you set it to the highest floor. It's also fairly slow. Senators like to kark in it, apparently. Fox has a cleaning droid deal with it three times a day, minimum. He tells me that it still smells weird.”

Obi-Wan screwed his face up into a look of disapproval. “That's incredibly gross. And unhygienic. An elevator?  _ Really? _ ”

He grinned at him. “Never tried it then, General?”

“Please never speak to me again.” Kenobi shuddered slightly. “Of course not. I'm not an  _ animal _ .”

Cody coughed into his hand, a cough that vaguely resembled the words 'escape pod’. 

Obi-Wan whipped his head around and glared at him. He sniffed and turned on his heel, stalking to the elevator. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

“Mhm. Alright.” Cody laughed slightly, hitting the button for the elevator. (On the left, of course.)

The Jedi rolled his eyes, and stepped in once the doors opened. “Do you have the report queued up?”

Tapping his bucket, he nodded. “Pulled up on my HUD. Don't even worry about it.”

As the floors clicked up, Obi-Wan sighed and took a deep breath. He nodded and composed himself, falling into what Cody liked to call the 'bigshot Jedi general, but humble.’ It was a very specific expression, and one that seemed heavily practiced.

“Ready, General?”

“Ready as I'll ever be, Commander.” He straightened his robes, and strode out into the hallway, as the elevator doors swept to the sides, with a hiss of the hydraulics.

The door to the Chancellors office was large and heavy, intricately carved, even down to ornate handles.  _ Most likely blast resistant, _ Cody's mind supplied, as Obi-Wan opened them. The great doors moved silently but slowly, as if they were lesser doors they would be creaking, but the sheer importance they held kept them quiet.

Kenobi swept in first, Cody following at a respectful distance. Enough where it was professional, but close enough that he could shove him out of harm's way, if need be.

Chancellor Palpatine looked up from the grand desk he was seated at, and set his holopad aside. “Ah, General Kenobi. And Marshall Commander Cody.” The man nodded at both of them in turn. “I'm so glad you could make it to this meeting, short notice as it was.”

Obi-Wan bowed shallowly. “Of course Chancellor.”

“Please, please, take a seat gentlemen.” Palpatine gestured to the chairs in front of the desk. “Don't stand on my account.”

Cody sat, and found himself sinking into the gratuitously plush chair, almost to the point where it was an issue. He tried (to no avail) to sit up properly, but it seemed that the chair was hell-bent on making him slouch. 

Obi-Wan seemed to be having the same issue, but held himself with a grace which outweighed him looking slightly ridiculous, perched as he was. “Is this about the last battle on Berchest?”

“Yes. I received your report, and I simply must know. How did you manage to halt the Separatist army? It's imperative to know, because this information could spare thousands of lives.” The old man said, steepling his hands and leaning forward. “Tell me Master Jedi, I am absolutely  _ riddled  _ with curiosity.”

Obi-Wan laughed politely. “I appreciate the confidence you have in my abilities, but this victory is entirely due to the Commander.” He gestured to him, and the Chancellors gaze followed the movement.

When Cody met Palpatine's eyes, he began to wish for the security of his armor, or at least his bucket. A slimy feeling wormed its way down his spine, leaving a bad taste in his mouth as the Chancellor seemed to size him up.

“Really? Well that's absolutely fascinating! Tell me, my friend, how did you pull it off?” Palpatine asked, his eyes sharpening almost imperceptibly, taking on a beady, shark-like quality.

Some little part of Cody told him that since this was the Chancellor, it was his  _ duty _ and that he was  _ honor bound _ to tell the truth. But a bigger part of him agreed with his sunk stomach. “One of our slicers, Riparian, was able to find a loophole in the code of one of the B-1's we had taken down on Zaddja. She was able to program a beacon with a new piece of code, which shut off the droids. But I can only imagine the Separatists have patched it already.”

“Really, a slicer? Quite an impressive feat. You must give them my commendation.” The Chancellor smiled at him, benevolently. 

Cody didn't feel great about the lie, and felt his head begin to pound slightly in his left temple. “Yes sir, I'll pass it along.”

“You must be quite proud of your troops, General Kenobi.” Palpatine turned back to the jedi.

Obi-Wan sent him a slight force push against his palm, tracing the hand signal for  _ ‘trust’  _ with the phantom touch. “Of course I am. They are our first defense, and protect this Republic with everything they've got, Chancellor.”

“That is excellent to hear, thanks so much for your time gentlemen.” He nodded at them. “I unfortunately have a meeting in a few minutes, but I wish you luck in your next campaign.”

Cody and Obi-Wan stood up, pushing their seats back in. Kenobi bowed once more to the Chancellor, who acknowledged them briefly, before turning back to his datapad.

As they left, and the heavy doors shut behind him, Cody felt the tension that he'd kept inexplicably between his shoulder blades unravel. “Well.”

“Do you want to go to Dex's and discuss, er, future plans? For the next campaign?” Obi-Wan asked, casting a furtive glance at where he knew recording devices were placed.

“I could go for a nerfburger, yeah.” He shrugged. “Might as well, it's approaching midmeal.”

\-----

Dex's was wonderful for many reasons, one of the multitudes of them being the jammers placed under every booth.

“So, lying to the leader of the Republic now, are we?” Obi-Wan asked him, picking at his lunch. “That's treason, you know.”

“I don't know why I did it. I just got an  _ incredibly _ bad feeling.” Cody groaned. “Something about that whole interaction just felt off.”

“Well. Your intuition has almost never led us wrong, and honestly? I felt the same way. It was… clouded in there. For all that the force is harder to parse through, it felt like trying to peer through a rancor hide in there.” He frowned.

“I'm gonna have to warn Riparian. I feel like there might be repercussions somehow. Did you-” He leaned forward slightly, lowering his voice even more. “- feel like he was actually  _ displeased _ about our victory?”

Obi-Wan frowned, his forehead creasing with the motion. “I do believe he was. We ought to keep it quiet though. I feel like we should approach only a few people about our worries. Something is brewing.”

“We can only hope it's something that won't boil over before we're ready.” Cody sighed. “I'll let some of my brothers know, and they'll likely let their generals know.”

Obi-Wan stared blankly out the window, his mind occupied. “If the Chancellor doesn't want us to win… I've been allowing him to be around Anakin since he was a  _ child _ . What if…” He trailed off. “Cody, what if Palpatine has been the one driving a wedge between my Padawan and I? He's always seemed benevolent, and harmless… Cody this is bad.”

They met each other's eyes, and a solemn silence fell over the table. Something had fundamentally changed, and they each knew it deep down. Change was on the horizon, but so was a storm.


	6. The Quick Brown Fox Jumps Over The Lazy Porg

Lunch with Obi-Wan had left Cody in a pensive state. With the Chancellor possibly being against the Republic…

He flinched at the sudden pressure in his temple. He pressed the palm of his hand against his head, wincing until the pain receded. He sighed, and breathed out in a huff. He and Obi-Wan had parted ways, because the Jedi had been deeply disturbed and had needed to go meditate.

So Cody was going to mention this quietly to his brothers. He'd be starting with Fox, mainly because he was in the area, _ and _ he had a feeling Wolffe and Rex were viciously hungover by now.

Fox's office was in the guard barracks, which were tucked underneath the Senate, three or four layers down from the surface. The bustling city, with it's speeding ships and swoop bikes faded into darkened alleys, and skyless streets as Cody descended into Coruscant's underbelly. The planet was so old, that nobody was _ quite_ sure how many layers she had.

The building that housed the guard was only called barracks out of a misplaced kindness and sympathy. What it truly was, was a foreclosed office building that the Senate had spent minimal effort (and funding) on converting it into a living space.

He approached sedately, still in his dress grays, and adressed the trooper who was stationed at the door with a polite nod. The man was weathered enough, and had been serving with the GAR long enough, that he recognized Cody and let him through without issue.

Cody tilted his head in acknowledgement and entered the building, tall glass windows filling the old lobby turned common room with soft artificial sunlight. An eccletic arrange of couches and chairs, low tables and ottomans were scattered around. Things that had clearly been picked up off the curb during a patrol, or things bought from thrift shops with the meager credits they were allotted, or earned on the sly. Off duty troopers were lounging around in a mix of civvies, blacks, and armor, playing games and watching holovids. A couple even seemed to have gotten hold of physical books that they were debating about in earnest.

He wound his way across the floor, following what seemed to be a clear path to the stairs, but only barely. He had to squeeze through a few sections, and go onto his toes in others, but he made his way through relatively unscathed. The stairwell was lit with sharp and biting fluorescents, and the stairs were simply poured duracrete. It was industrial and bleak until you went up a level, and then you were greeted by a riot of color.

Murals absolutely coated the second floor landing, and as Cody craned his head upwards, he could see the brilliant colors of the images as they spiraled up towards the top, farther than he could see from his vantage point. He let out a pleasantly surprised laugh. Leave it to Fox to let his men do whatever the pleased as long as it looks semi sensible from the outside in. Cody could guarantee that the furniture in the lobby could easily be moved away, and that nobody from the Senate ever went into the stairwell for more than just a cursory glance on the way to the elevator. 

The GAR sure liked their appearances.

He trekked up the floors, lifting his feet in quick little jaunts, briefly losing himself in the simple repetition. He shook himself slightly as he reached the floor he wanted, and strolled down the hall, letting himself into Fox's office without preamble.

Fox was already glaring at him from his desk as Cody walked into his sightline. “You couldn't comm ahead? Not even a message?”

Cody sighed and sat backwards in one of the wheeled office chairs scattered in the room, draping himself dramatically over the back. “I could've, sure, but where's the fun in that?”

“You're quite literally the worst.” His brother snorted slightly, turning back to his holopad, and the array of flimsi he had placed around it, and arranged into binders.

“I try. What're you doing Fox'ika?” Cody pushed off the floor and wheeled himself over to the desk, picking up a folder and paging through it, frowning when he began to parse through the legalese. “Why do they have _ you _ doing Water Treaty upkeep?”

“Kark if I know. All I know is that that's the easy part, I'm currently trying to find what the hell keeps bugging me about this bill that's being pushed by the Rodians.” He frowned at the holopad, and highlighted a segment of text.

Cody put down that file and picked up another. “Trade disputes between Dargulli and Ailon? A request from Cypharr for a tax levy? Fox, literally none of this is your jurisdiction.”

He laughed humorlessly, a bite in the rumble of his throat. “Try telling that to the Chancellor, or the senators he sends my way.” He screwed his features into the approximation of haughty aloofness. “Oh, well I'm sure Commander Fox wouldn't mind reviewing it for you, would you my dear.” He mocked in what Cody could only assume to be an impression of Palpatine, no matter how badly it was done.

Cody dug around Fox's desk to where he knew his brother would keep a jammer, and pulled it out. He quickly activated it, and began scanning the room for bugs, satisfied when he found none. “Speaking of! Any cameras in here?” 

Fox looked at him, puzzled. “Do you seriously think I'd allow cameras in my office? I cry in here.”

He winced. “Oh, that's just sad vod.”

“I know. It's why I cry in here. You want to know what's even sadder? Me crying in front of my troops. Absolutely _ dreadful _ for morale.” Fox deadpanned. “I'm pretty sure you're not asking about cameras as a way to subtly ask about my coping skills, certainly not with a jammer going. What's happening?”

“Palpatine is… I think he's not fully backing the Republic.” Cody confided in him quietly, his headache approaching again.

Whatever reaction he was expecting, shocked silence, followed by Fox losing his shit laughing wasn't it. 

Cody glared at him, as Fox was bent over in half, his chest on his knees, cackling, and wheezing for breath. “Okay, yes. I get it. Please get it together.” 

Fox looked up at him, and broke back into snickers, wiping tears out of his eyes, but he did manage to sit upright. Even if his weight was being fully supported by his chair because his chest was heaving too hard. “Oh, vod, Cody- you think I didn't know?”

“What do you mean you know?” Cody asked, furrowing his brow.

“Look, he'll say something in a press release, and then hand me paperwork to do that almost completely undermines or contradicts his talking point.” Fox snorted. “You think that man has the Republic’s best interest at heart? He just likes power.”

“And you never thought to mention this?” 

“Would you have listened to me? I make a good point once every three months.” He shrugged. “Nobody listens or pays attention to lil ol’ Commander Fox.”

“That's not true-”

“Bullshit Cody. You came here first because I was conveniently on the way, yes?” Fox looked at him.

“... Yeah, okay.”

“It's not something I mind! When people forget me, they slip and say things they never would around someone they consider important.” Fox leaned forward and grinned devilishly. “Did you know Palpatine's middle name is Brian?”

Cody crossed his arms and looked at him unimpressed, until the absurdity of the situation began to get to him. The corner of his lip began to twitch, and he bit his tongue until the laughter began to bubble out unwarranted. Fox saw him trying to keep his cool, which only resulted in him falling back into his hysterics, which in turn, sent Cody over the edge.

“_ Brian?” _ He managed to choke out between belly laughs.

Fox nodded frantically, tears of mirth freely streaming down his face. “_ Brian. _”

When the two of them finally got their shit together, and could look each other in the eyes for more than two seconds without breaking into giggles, Cody began to speak again.

“Okay- even though I'll now have to do everything in my power to not call him that to his face, I mainly came here to see if you'd help compile evidence, just in case.”

Fox snorted and got up. He went to his locked filing cabinet and opened up a false bottom, pulling out a bulging manila folder. “Already got you covered.”

“Why is this on flimsi?” Cody asked, opening it and paging through. His eyebrows begin to climb to his hairline.

“Because it's incredibly illegal for me to have most of this stuff, and also, much easier to destroy in case of an emergency. I have a backup hidden somewhere in the city, and _ no _ you can't know where it is.” Fox said calmly. “If working around politicians has taught me anything, it's the ability to cut and run whenever I need to.”

“Well, isn't that a cheery thought!” Cody barked out a sharp laugh. “The contents of this… this is terrifying Fox.”

“I'll send you some links of things that are hidden deep in the legislature.” He hummed. “So, while we're discussing what seems to be ammunition for a coup, want some wine?”

“Thanks, but no. I've been drinking far too much lately. Don't want to develop an issue.” Cody shrugged a shoulder. He handed the folder back. “I'm just assuming that ‘this information doesn't leave this room’ is implied?”

“Wow! Observational skills and use of context clues! If only a quarter of the senators I knew could do that, the galaxy would be a better place.” Fox knocked his shoulder playfully.

“Hardy-har-har.” Cody snorted and stood up. “Well, I should be off, but Fox-” He hesitated briefly. “- Be careful, okay? We're treading some dangerous waters here.”

Fox nodded solemnly. “Carefully is the only way to get out of this rancor nest. Luckily, treading carefully is practically my job description. Good luck Cody. Come back safe.”

“Ret'urcye mhi, Fox’ika.” He walked to the door, turning to nod before he left.

“Ret'urcye mhi, vod."

If Cody was a less observant man, one not hardened and sharpened to a point by war, he might have missed the flicker of fear Fox's eyes held.

\-----

**Resident braincell sent an image: **img_47838999.png

_ Resident braincell: ladies and gents. The man i decided to marry. _

_ Wolffe(uwu): that's fully your fault _

_ Pondsering: doesn't Kenobi know your supposed to eat soup, and not wear it?? _

_ T-Rex: hah. pathetic. get on my level. _

**T-Rex sent an image: **anakinskyidiot.png

_ Resident braincell: how the kriff did he get pasta all the way into his boots??? _

_ T-Rex: at least it's not worms this time. _

** _[several people are typing]_ **

\-----

Cody was back in the Jedi temple, he'd been too lazy to even sneak in. He just walked in confidently, and nobody stopped him. Probably because it seemed like the temple guards had appropriated some of the 212th for help. He’d seen quite a bit of orange around.

Obi-Wan was puttering around in the kitchen, determined to make something and not spill it down his front again. And also sulking a little. Cody _ had _ apologized for laughing, but. When your hyper competent General, who was easily one of the best tactical fighters Cody had ever met, was defeated by mere soup? 

It was hilarious.

Obi-Wan was absolutely going to wipe the floor with him in the training salles later as retribution. Which, y'know, was fair. A man had to maintain _ some _dignity after all.

The jedi emerged a few minutes later, defeated. “Well my dear, it seems that we are out of luck.” Obi-wan sat down with a slight huff. “I really only got things for soup. If we want dinner, we'll have to brave the refractory.”

“Joy.” Cody said dryly. “Can't be worse than ration bars.”

“_ Nothing _ can be worse than ration bars.”

“The crates they come in have more seasoning.”

“The foil has most of the flavor, it's why you can't eat it.” Obi-Wan opened the door and stepped out of his quarters.

“Didn't you know? Ration bars are only sent out once they go stale, so they can be used as ammunition in a pinch!”

Obi-Wan broke first, his nose scrunching up as he held back a laugh. “Ration bars are just powdered regret compressed together with dust.”

Cody doubled down, determined to get him to crack. “I heard that some senators have been using them as powder for their makeup.”

He choked slightly. “I heard that Senator Amidala is having a new wardrobe crafted out of them because they're so sturdy.”

“A brother got shot, but the ration bar stopped it.” He shot back.

“The bars were a failed duracrete prototype.”

This was getting close. Cody was going to go in for the kill. “Ration bars are as dense as General Skywalker.”

Obi-Wan lost it. The Jedi was guffawing as they made their way down the halls. It was the lightest Cody had seen him in months.

He grinned and considered it a success as they entered the dining hall and sat down to a meal of roasted tubers and some sort of casserole. Cody grimaced and went to go grab some pepper flakes, as well as the hot powder that had quickly become a staple in the temple as clones had filtered in and out like water.

The clones were mando'ade after all. Jango Fett may not have been good for much more than genetics, but he did instill culture. And part of that culture was food so hot it burnt the back of your sinuses. 

It was fairly lucky that Obi-Wan had spent that year on Mandalore, because Cody remember the first time Skywalker had visited and had the mess food. For a man raised by Obi-Wan, who never seemed to shirk at the concept of spice, Anakin had turned an amusing color red, and had started to sweat profusely. The ginger reached for the peppers as soon as Cody had brought them back.

"Thank you, Cody. This looked rather, ah… Bland." The jedi said, as he began to coat his food in a thick red layer. "I've gotten spoiled on the _ Negotiator _ with the cooks catering to clones, and not multiple species en masse."

"Most of your peers would weep at the relief of bland food, or so I've been led to believe." Cody snorted, drenching his own plate in powder, passing the bottle to Obi-Wan in exchange for the peppers.

"Mm. Maybe so. But I got used to it, and then I missed it, when I came back from being on the run. When you're hiding in people's homes, you try a lot of regional food."

"I would literally _ pay _ the Duchess for a recollection of what your face looked like the first time you tried anything heturam." He laughed. "I bet you turned red as your hair."

"I think this constitutes as harassing a subordinate." Obi-Wan glowered at him.

"Suck it up General. That's an order." Cody grinned at him, before turning to his food to eat.

Obi-wan went to do the same, only to find a fork already digging a portion of it out. "Ah. Quinlan." He deadpanned. "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."

The kiffar already had it in his mouth by the time Obi-Wan finished his sentence. Cody was impressed by the fact that the only sign it was too hot for him was that his eyes bulged slightly. 

"Well, hey Kenobi. Commander." His voice came out a little hoarse, but Quinlan Vos turned a salacious grin on both of them. "What're you crazy cats doing back here?"

"Eating dinner, Vos." Cody said dryly. "Care to join us?"

"I'd be honored, thanks Commander." He beamed, his face brightening significantly. "I'm gonna go get whatever you guys _ aren't _ having."

"Too spicy for you, Quin?" Obi-Wan called after him. 

! I just like having tastebuds at the end of a meal!"

\-----

Quinlan was poking at his meal, some sort of pasta dish, with what seemed to be fish mixed in. He seemed far more interested in interrogating his friend. 

"So! Did you get recalled for finally going one step too far? Piss off somebody powerful? Spill the beans Kenobi, you wouldn't just come back from the front for no reason." 

"We came back because the Chancellor wanted an in person meeting with both Cody and I." Obi-Wan sighed. "Although, it was quite possibly the shortest meeting I've ever been privy to. He didn't even have us debrief."

"Wild." The other jedi said with his mouth full. "So the whole of the two twelve was pulled back, just for your, what? Ten minute meeting?"

Cody sighed slightly. "I can't even find it in myself to be annoyed. The men needed the reprieve."

"And so did you, Cody." Obi-Wan said pointedly. "You've been working to the bone."

"Well that wouldn't be an issue if you hadn't promoted me, _ General _."

"You deserved it! You've deserved it every time!" 

"I deserved having to work myself to death?"

"That's not what I meant and you know it!"

Quinlan laughed at them. "You two bicker like an old married couple."

Obi-Wan exchanged a glance with Cody, reading whatever affirmative he was searching for in his gaze. "Speaking of, Quin. If let's say, at some point in the future we were to have a small ceremony, would you like to attend?" He asked slyly.

The kiffar choked on a piece of seafood. "Ex_ cuse _ me? Mr. Perfect Jedi, getting-" he lowered his voice to a hiss. "- _ married? _"

Cody shrugged. "Life's short. It's nothing more than a formality at this point."

Vos pointed in between them rapidly, his head swiveling back and forth. "How long has this been a thing?"

"Three years." Obi-Wan said calmly.

"Four. It's been four." 

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes uncharacteristically. "Four years, then." 

"Kriffing hell. You're not joking are you?" He gaped slightly. "Of course Obi. I'd be thrilled. Have you asked Bant yet?"

"I've only been back a day and a half Quin. I don't even know if she's on planet. And my comms seem to be being monitored." He chuckled slightly. "And close your mouth. You'll catch flies."

"You are the _ worst _."

"Isn't he great? It's really hot when he's an asshole like this." Cody grinned at the kiffar.

"I changed my mind, Commander. _ You're _ the worst." 

\-----

_ Wolffe(uwu): hey bachelor party is planned for the ninth _

_ CC-Fuck You: paperwork has been sent out, ponds and bly you'll be recalled in time :-) _

_ Pondsering: thank the force we've been up to our asses in mud on this backwater planet for FAR too long _

_ Bly-nd Sided: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧ _

_ CC-Fuck You: i hate it take it away _

_ CC-Fuck You: I take it back bly im leaving you on Pahlani _

_ Bly-nd Sided: (╥﹏╥) _

_ Wolffe(uwu): this was my thing bly _

_ Bly-nd Sided: it's mine now!! It breaks fox I love it _

_ Wolffe(uwu): oh well we still know how to absolutely wreck your shit _ ** _@CC-Fuck You_ **

_ CC-Fuck You: ah. I see. _

_ Wolffe(uwu): y'know. _

_ CC-Fuck You: like. Nya. _

_ Bly-nd Sided: _ ** _NO_ **

_ Pondsering: _ ** _TAKE IT BACK BLY TAKE IT BACK SO THEY'LL STOP_ **

_ Wolffe(uwu): nya. Like. Y'know. Nya! _

_ Bly-nd Sided: _ ** _raNCID_ **

** _[CC-Fuck You has changed their name to rawr XD]_ **

_ rawr XD: suffer. Nya. _

_ T-Rex: _ ** _YOU FUCKING FURRIES I LEAVE FOR THREE MINUTES_ **

_ Resident braincell: i am just going to stay FAR away _

_ Wolffe(uwu): but i baked you cookies. Then I eated them. _

_ Resident braincell: with every fiber of my being I hate this _

** _[rawr XD has changed their name to old sad frog]_ **

_ old sad frog: the darkside, hate leads to _

_ Resident braincell: _ **ah.**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


* * *


	7. The Bachelor: Coruscant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey folks, it's me your local space dad, some shit has hit the fan, real hard, so if this chapter is disjointed, sorry about that!

“Shut the  _ fuck  _ up, Fox, or I'll throw you out this window!”

“All I'm saying is that you solved that crossword puzzle wrong. It's not golden, it should be gilden. You just somehow managed to get it to work!” Fox protested.

“That's still solving the puzzle.” Cody pointed out.

“Thank you Cody!” Wolffe huffed, and sat down, crossing his arms. “It's my crossword, I'll finish it how I want.”

Fox threw his hands up, and huffed. "Okay! Okay! Fine, you solved it, you're just wrong!"

"I am not-"

"Boys! Stop fighting! The party is here!" Ponds yelled as he swanned into the room. "I know you've all been so miserable since you've last seen my face."

Rex snorted from the couch, and threw up a lazy salute when Ponds rolled his eyes in his direction. "Oh please, we've been entertained by the furries fighting."

" _ I'm not a furry-" _ Fox and Wolffe said in sync, turning to glare at him with a unified fury, the crossword dropped and forgotten in the process.

"Mhm. Sure." Cody grinned at them. "Sure thing vode'ika."

Wolffe growled at him, and then stopped, flushing a little. "I'm not a furry, swear."

"You just  _ growled _ !" Bly laughed, from where he was perched on the side of an armchair.

"I hate everyone in this room." Fox declared. "Even you, Wolffe."

"Codyyyy, the furries are fighting!"

Fox looked about three seconds from strangling Rex, with the way his eye was twitching. It definitely didn't help that Cody found himself absolutely wracked with laughter.

"You all suck." Wolffe summed up succinctly. "Now that we're all actually here, do we want to go celebrate Cody tying the knot or what?"

"Why else would we be here? If I had my choice I'd never step foot on this forsaken planet again." Ponds grimaced. "Mace can only convince to do so much."

"Are we drinking?" Bly asked. 

"Oh please, how basic do you think I am?" Wolffe scoffed. "That wouldn't be anything special. No, we're going to go make some mildly illegal decisions and have a good time. And also drink." He conceded.

"Sounds great!" Cody stood up, dressed in loose civvies. "I got some Corellian brandy, so I say we hit the road and drink straight from the bottle like we're shinies again."

"You guys did  _ what _ as shinies?" Rex barked out a surprised laugh. "Man, the more I learn about you, the more I realize your reputation on Kamino was purely rumor. You guys were disasters huh?"

Bly grinned at him. "Oh, absolute clusterfuck. It's  _ amazing _ that we all made it out alive. The trainers absolutely hated us."

"Stop gossiping, Our reputation can't be compromised like this Bly!" Wolffe said, frantically trying to cover his brothers mouth.

"He's just going to lick your palm, Wolffe." Fox said tiredly.

"No he won't, that's disgusting, and dirty tatics."

Cody watched, amused, as Wolffe shrieked and dived away when Bly licked his palm.

"GROSS!  _ You absolute animal! _ " Wolffe yelped, wiping his hand on Ponds' arm, which only got him put into a headlock. "LET GO! I'M SORRY!"

Ponds snickered. "Stop wriggling you little shit, or I'll have to noogie you."

Wolffe went limp, becoming a deadweight and falling to the floor in a dismal heap as Ponds gave up and just dropped him.

"Any chance of protecting your reputation has literally just been obliterated." Rex said dryly. "There's no way that you can maintain an air of dangerous mystique while on the floor like a sad puddle of shiny."

"Shut the fuck up, Rex." Wolffe glared up at him. "I can and will kick your ass."

"Sure. Sure. I believe you."

Wolffe, stood up abruptly, brushing off his hands on his jeans. "You are the Worst, and I'm gonna wipe the floor with you tonight."

"What does that even mean?" Cody asked, pulling the cork out of the brandy, and feeling his stomach sink just a little bit at the slightly crazed look that entered Wolffe's good eye.

\-----

Cody's heart was racing a mile a minute, as the wind whipped through his hair. He gritted his teeth as he rounded the corner quickly, quickly passing Rex who was lagging behind. Ignoring the captain's cursing, he kept moving forward. 

Enemy in his sights, he got up on their tail, and used every tactical maneuver he knew to get one up on him.

Cody let out a war cry of "FUCK YOU, EAT DUST!", causing Ponds' head to whip around, gaining Cody the extra second he needed to get across the finish line.

He whooped and jumped out of his pod, watching as the rest of the group roared past in quick succession.

Wolffe was out of his pod next, handing it off to the bored looking technician. He hopped out and jogged over to where Cody had gone to stand, behind a metal barricade that in a crash, would do absolutely nothing. It was mostly symbolic.

Wolffe was beaming as he took the provided helmet off. "See! I told you you'd have fun!"

Clapping him on the back, Cody leaned forward with the momentum of his laugh. "Vod, this is the most fun I think I've ever had. Good job."

"I told Rex that this was better than strippers." Wolffe grinned devilishly as Cody started choking on his laugh.

"Damn right this was." Bly laughed. "Aayla would be so upset if she found out that I went to a strip club without her."

"Kinky." Wolffe deadpanned.

"Gross." Bly scrunched up his nose. "That's my wife you're talking about."

Cody snorted at the two of them, not noticing when Rex walked up behind them.

"Now  _ this _ is podracing." He said dryly. A little more life came into his voice as he nodded at Wolffe. "Good choice. You properly kicked my ass in the race."

Wolffe grinned, before turning his nose up and sniffing haughtily. "Never question my judgement again."

"You question your own judgement enough, I think." Ponds drawled as he approached. "You had what? Six pages of your day planner filled with just ideas? And not to mention that you talked my ear off for two hours about what you wanted to  _ actually _ do?"

"Definitely not me."

"Mhm. Sure." Ponds snorted. "Must've been some other brother with a prosthetic eye who's heavily detail oriented."

"Must've been." 

"You idiots are ridiculous. Let's go find a bar." Fox groaned. "Drinks are on Wolffe." 

"What? Why?" 

"Because I said so." Cody smirked, giving Fox a thumbs up.

"Also, consider it your fine for participating in illegal racing." Fox said, obviously biting the inside of his cheek to not laugh at the look on Wolffe's face.

Wolffe groaned and flipped them all off. "You guys  _ suck. _ "

\-----

The six of them made their way through the weaving and winding streets of the lower levels, the sound of speeders fading into the night as they made their way deeper and deeper into Coruscant's heart. Not the Senate or the Jedi temple, the true heart.

Fox was leading the way, walking the confusing and disjointed roads with a confidence he didn't have in anything else. He led them through passages and alleys, some clean, some filthy, some lined with graffiti, some with murals, some with both. He greeted shopkeepers and buskers with a small nod, usually receiving one in turn, or even a smile.

Cody was starting to think Fox was just blustering, and leading them while completely lost, when the towering buildings broke apart, opening up into a large square.

With the buildings all being built on top of eachother, the city built on its own bones, the square looked more like a cavern than anything. That didn't make it any less beautiful.

Hanging down from wherever the ceiling was, were hundreds of thousands of glolights, strands of them dangling like graceful stalactites. Banners and buntings lined the buildings encircling it. Lights were strung in windows, wrapped around balconies, and seemingly embedded in the fountain in the middle. Lush vegetation grew against all odds, creating plush carpets of grass and dense beds of flowers. Trees broke up the bits of city that one could see, and gave the impression of being in a suburban downtown, instead of miles deep in a city planet.

Fox grinned smugly at their gobsmacked expressions. "Welcome to Coruscant. Come on vode, I'll introduce you to my favorite bar."

Cody followed him out of sheer habit, still looking around in wonder at what seemed so out of place.

The bar Fox had brought them to was a little farther from the square, tucked behind two or three other buildings, but still had a few strands of lights twinkling gently around it's door frame. The  _ hand painted _ , and  _ wooden _ sign proclaimed it as Bay'lors.

The environment was nothing if not contradictory to anything one would expect from something in lower levels. (Though that was more ingrained prejudice than anything. The Senate truly liked to discount anyone they considered 'lesser' and 'below' them. In this case, literally. They rarely bothered to go lower than two levels, and assumed it gets worse as you go down. Perception is always skewed.) 

It was homey, with plush booths, neat tables and chairs, and a jukebox playing classic hits from around the galaxy. The bartender obviously recognized them as clones (not hard) but didn't seem like he was about to toss them out for it. Which unfortunately happened quite often.

Ponds went up to the bar, and ordered the first round, seemingly nonchalant. But as the group sat down in a booth, Cody noted how he kept his weight on his back foot, ready to leave at the first sight of aggression. He wouldn't be the first brother to have had a glass thrown at him, and certainly not the last. Clones weren't always popular with the citizens of the republic.

But he came back with six drinks balanced carefully in his arms and hands, a tentatively hopeful look on his face. Cody scanned the rest of the bar, and the patrons didn't seem to care more than one would about any other newcomers.

"It's fine, the deeper you go, the less people care about who or what you are. It's more about your actions than where you come from." Fox said calmly, reaching out and plucking his mixed cocktail from where it was carefully balanced in Ponds elbow.

"Can't blame us for being wary, though." Rex snorted, grabbing his pink nebula, heavy on the nebula.

"Wouldn't even dream of it." 

Bly picked up his drink as Ponds dished them out, sniffing it inquisitively. "What's this?"

Wolffe leaned over and snaked it out of his hand, taking a quick gulp and handing it back over. "Chakedon shore. Drink it fast, after it's been exposed to air for more than twenty minutes, it'll become uh, pretty flammable."

Bly looked at his drink with a look of horror. "Oh fuck, really?"

"He's fucking with you." Rex rolled his eyes. "It becomes flammable in ten."

"Who the hell would make something that catches fire?"

"Remind me to never teach Bly to flambé." Ponds chuckled. "Cody, here you go, Sex on the beach."

"Ah! An anti-Skywalker drink! Should keep these around during the honeymoon." Cody grinned at him, raising it in a mock salute, before taking a sip, and grimacing. "This is far too sweet." He downed it anyway.

Rex laughed at that. "Maybe just have sand lining the doorway. It's like salt and spirits with him, he won't cross the line."

"Hopefully, I'll have you deployed across the galaxy at that point." Cody said wistfully. "But I have a feeling that no matter what I do, some force will have our companies working in tandem. And then I'll be cockblocked by Skywalker for a month or so."

Ponds who had started on his own drink, started coughing viciously, as his sharp inhale had sent the gin down the wrong pipe. "Fuck- absolutely no subtlety from you, huh?"

"Shut up Ponds, I'm celebrating." Cody said dramatically. "I can't believe you're trying to kill my buzz by being  _ such _ a Debbie downer."

"Somehow it feels like you'd be having a great time doing practically anything right now."

"We pregamed. I'm a little buzzed, and having a  _ fantastic _ time. Shut up and drink."

Fox raised his glass up. "Cheers assholes!"

"Cheers!"

\-----

They were all pleasantly drunk, stumbling down the streets, supporting each other, giggling and making jokes that weren't even funny as they made their way wherever their feet were taking them.

A sharp screech in the night cut the pleasant sensation of  _ warmdrunkhappyfun _ to the bone, leaving only slightly slurred attention and readiness.

As sloshed as they all were, combined, they could probably compensate for each other if it came down to it.

The street they were on was dimly lit, and the sharp noise kept echoing off the duracrete walls fencing them in. The sound of heavy, frantic footfalls began to fill the uneasy silence they had fallen into, as they got into defensive positions.

The shadows threw the approaching person's face into dramatic relief, but no matter how inebriated they were, they'd recognize those eyes anywhere. That was one of the vod, and they were in trouble.

The figure skidded to a halt in front of them, long hair fully in their face, their breathing a rapid and inconsistent mess. "Fuck- never been so glad to see brothers- I'm being chased-"

Cody squinted, the dim light barely allowing him to see the color of the long hair shaved to one side. Burgandy, which narrowed it down to about six people, but the length and the- "Riparian? What are you doing down here?"

"Commander?! Fuck! I mean-" She attempted a salute, but was shaking too badly to do it properly, not that Cody was planning on standing by protocol. "-sir!"

"Relax, what's happening, who's chasing you?" He asked, gesturing for her to be at ease. Or at least at as ease as she could get. 

Fox quickly stepped between her and the entrance of the alley, providing a barricade and a guard. They could use every second they had to spare in a fight.

"I don't- all I know is I went to bed like normal, and then I woke up in a warehouse, but I had a bobby pins, so I picked the cuffs, and booked it-" She began to breathe deeply, chest heaving with the effort. "And then I started getting shot at. Somebody wanted me for information, and if they couldn't get that, they wanted me dead."

Cody had a sinking feeling that he pushed aside to deal with later. He nodded sharply. "And did you lose them?"

"I think so? Fuck, I don't know-"

The sound of a jetpack broke the relative quiet.

She sighed shakily. "Guess not. Anyone got a spare blaster?"

Wolffe reached for one of his holdouts strapped to his calf, passing it over. "You're the most sober out of us vod, so uh. Hope you're a good shot."

It wouldn't help morale very much for Cody to mention that she was mainly trained as a slicer.

The sound went quiet, and so did they, scanning the rooftops for movement. When the rattle of something metal hitting the ground, rang out, they all whipped around to look at it, which was the dumbest thing they could possibly do.

A blaster bolt shot itself into the middle of their group. If Bly had been sober, and just a hair faster, the bolt would have connected with his neck. As it was, it seared the flesh on his arm, causing him to hiss and loosen his grip on his weapon.

This time, thinking slightly more critically, only half of them turned, going back to back.

A Duros in a cowboy hat was standing there, casual as all hell, seemingly unafraid of the guns trained on him. "I don't want any trouble. Hand over the girl and I'll let you all live. I know you're… quite important to the Republic, and my employer would be pretty displeased with the collateral."

"Cad Bane. For  _ fucks _ sake. Can't anyone have a nice evening, or is your favorite pastime killing good times?" Rex groaned loudly.

"Your vibes are rancid sir." Ponds said sardonically. "If you could just leave, it'd be great."

"Can't do that, you see-"

When Bane began to monologue, Fox shot him with a stun bolt. He didn't seem to see it coming, which was pretty fucking dumb of him.

The sharp gasp of surprise from behind a potted plant up on a balcony, caused Cody's head to snap up, and scan for the being who was still hiding. He unfortunately had a pretty good guess for who was up there.

"Boba? For gods sake, come down from there." He said exasperatedly. "We're not going to hurt you."

A very muffled, very petulant voice came floating down. "Bullshit. You shot uncl- Cad Bane."

"With a stun bullet! He'll be fine in the morning." Cody shot back, ignoring how gleeful Fox looked, and also trying not to think where he'd been keeping those cuffs.

"You're gonna stun me?" Came the voice again. "I  _ really _ don't want to come out then."

"Fine. I can wait  _ aaaaalllll _ night. You'll pass out at some point." Cody said, setting his jaw.

It was quiet for a moment, followed by a scuffling, and then a teenling sliding down a gutter rail, and looking at Cody petulantly. "Well now what, smartass? What're  _ you _ gonna do with a kid? Arrest me?"

Cody looked at him critically.

Wolffe swooped in. "Okay! Weapons on the ground!"

Boba pulled a decently sized Deecee out of a hip holster, and slid it across the cracked stone, till it rested at Ponds' feet, who looked rather unimpressed.

"I meant  _ all _ your weapons." Wolffe said exasperatedly.

Boba slid about three more guns, two vibro knives and what appeared to be an electropulse grenade over. He probably still had a knife on him, but that was to be expected.

What wasn't expected, was Wolffe diving in and throwing the boy over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"HEY! What the hell?!" Boba yelped, kicking him fairly hard in the stomach.

Wolffe grunted, but seemed otherwise unphased. "Like the kid said, what now? We really shouldn't put him in the prison system, who knows what would happen to him."

A solution was dawning on Cody and he absolutely  _ hated  _ it.

"... I need to call one of my troopers." He said, resigned.

Rex seemed to catch on, and patted his shoulder sympathetically.

_ Asshole. _


	8. The Wedding March, in the key of blaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, your cool hip dad here again. Work's been shit, emotions have been shit, writing has been shit, so I apologise in advance if it's all fucked up. I love you guys, drink water, eat your vegetables and don't forget your meds.
> 
> Also, there's some mando'a pretty fucking early in the chapter and I mean a LOT of mando'a. I'd click to bottom notes if I were you.

Obi-wan looked rapidly between Cody and the child sitting on the hard plastoid chair next to him, confusion mounting. "Did a cadet sneak off Kamino and make it here somehow?"

Boba crossed his arms, and scowled. When he spoke, it was done so with an air of derision. "Nayc _ cadet _ . Ad be Mand'alor, _ jetti. _"

Obi-Wan blinked, and switched easily from basic. "Ah. Ad be Mand'alor, Boba Fett, serim? Gar olar? Ti Cody? Tion'jor?"

Startling, Boba looked up at him. "Jorhaa mando'a? Gar aretii!"

The smile that graced the jedi's face was equal parts understanding and exhausted. "Gar hibirar birov bat haar viiniron. Akaanir par gar oya."

Boba shut his mouth and looked away, fixing the wall with his glare.

"To answer your question, my night was going great!" He said, falsely cheerful, before sighing heavily and gesturing to Boba. "But then_ , this _little shit decided to tag along with Cad Bane. Who was trying to kidnap one of the two-twelve."

"Di'kutla mir'osik-"

"Copaani mirshmure'cye vod'ika?" Cody growled out, fixing the boy with a glare. "Don't test me."

When Boba had turned away petulantly, Obi-Wan sighed and turned to his fiancé. "What are you planning on doing with him, Cody? You certainly can't send him to Kamino. The Jedi won't take him either, and I doubt he'd want to go with them anyway."

Cody grinned sheepishly, and turned to his (eighth) cup of caf. "Uh, well." 

Waxer burst into the room, with his uncanny ability to time everything perfectly, a look of sheer delight in his face. "Commander! What do you mean my request had been fulfilled?"

Cody gestured to the teenling next to him, who glowered at the newcomer.

Waxers eyes lit up when he saw Boba, and the realization that he'd been given a charge slowly dawned on him. "Is he staying with us, Commander?" He asked, excitement barely contained.

"Well, I don't plan on discharging you, if that's what you're asking, trooper." Cody said, letting his amusement color his voice.

Waxer turned his thousand watt smile on Boba, and the boy seemed to shrink into his seat, unsure what to do with someone showing such genuine enthusiasm. "Well, pleased to meet you. I'm Waxer."

"... Boba." He offered, sulking, and with much reluctance.

"Good to meet you vod'ika-" Waxer reached out to shake his hand.

"I'm not your brother!" Boba snarled at him, smacking his hand away.

He looked at the teen and nodded understandingly. "Alright then. Boundaries are boundaries, I won't call you that."

"Damn right you won't." He muttered under his breath, glaring up at him from underneath his disheveled bangs.

"You should probably get him onto one of the shuttles, sooner rather than later, seeing as we're heading out." Cody instructed, pushing the other chair lightly with his foot. "I don't have any patience left, and if it was up to me, he'd be riding with the cargo."

Waxer nodded, and saluted crisply at Cody, before walking back towards the door, pausing and waiting for Boba.

When it looked like the teenling was never going to get up and move, Cody leaned over and jabbed his pointer finger into his ribs. "Get moving, or I _ will _ pack you in a crate, make no mistake. I might even forget airholes. Who knows, I haven't had my caf yet."

Boba stood up, glared at Cody, and then followed Waxer out the door sullenly.

As soon as the door was closed, Obi-Wan turned to Cody with the _ biggest _ shit eating grin on his face.

"You caved to Waxer's request." He teased him.

"I did _ not- _ I just happened to acquire a child who wouldn't be safe anywhere else, and I knew that- oh kriff you're right." The realization dawned on him, and he buried his face in his hands. "Now they're _ all _ going to make ridiculous requests. I've set a precedent."

Obi-Wan just patted him on the shoulder in a paltry attempt at consolation. "There there."

"I hate you. Why are we getting married again?" He mumbled through his fingers.

"The sex is good?"

Cody just buried his face in his hands even further. "You're the _ worst _."

\-----

Cody somehow knew, deep, deep in his heart, that whatever mild reprieve they'd been getting was bound to be over quickly. This was confirmed when he got a ping on his HUD about thirty minutes later, having boarded the Negotiator.

_ Rexington Bear: dude that armor does you literally ZERO favors lmao _

_ Resident Braincell: excuse me? _

_ Rexington Bear: look behind you ;) _

Cody turned, feeling the crescendo of a full orchestra echo in his head, building up, as if it was the climax of a horror movie. With violins playing dramatic high notes, and the wind section giving you that awful eiery feeing of being _ this close _ to getting murdered. When he had turned, there was Rex, helmet in hands.

"What. The. _ Fuck _." Cody hissed, as he faced him head on. "Why are you on my damn ship?"

"Let me run you through this. I got commed by Wade, you know, the shiny currently in my place? And apparently the five oh one is going to the same place as you, and there is _ no _ way that I could make it there on my own in time... So I stowed away." Rex shrugged, no trace of regret on his face, the little shit.

"I should airlock you." Cody declared.

"You wouldn't."

"Airlock. Now. Double time." He pointed down the hall.

"No."

"Explain why I shouldn't. Because it's be so_ so _ easy to do." He held his fingers centimeters apart to demonstrate.

Rex stood his ground stubbornly, decidedly not airlocked. Yet. "Because if you kill me, you have to deal with Skywalker, _ without _ me running interference."

"I hate when you're right." Cody groaned, looking up to the heavens. "Little brothers are a scourge upon the universe, and you're proof."

"Cry me a river." Rex said dryly. "Where's your break room?"

"Why the hell would I tell you?" Cody asked, throwing his hands up in defeat.

Rex shrugged. "Doesn't matter, I'll go find it myself." He began walking the other way down the hall.

"You- I- Rex!" He yelled at his retreating back.

\-----

_ Rexington Bear: guess where I am? _

**Rexington Bear sent an image: **895919284.jpg

_ Resident braincell: GET THE KRIFF OUT OF MY BREAK ROOM _

_ Resident braincell: IS THAT MY GODDAMN MUG?? _

_ Wolffe(uwu): th _

_ Wolffe(uwu): the mug that says 'obiwans mug do not steal' ?????? _

_ Bly-nd Sided: that says underneath that 'cody this means you' ???? _

_ Resident braincell: it's my favorite mug. >:( _

_ Foxy mama: ok 1) Cody stop changing my nickname, 2) that's the pettiest shit I've ever seen, good for you _

**[Resident braincell ****_changed _****Foxy mama****_'s_** **_nickname to_**** Boring Hetero Bitch]**

_ Boring Hetero Bitch: im not het _

_ Boring Hetero Bitch: im heteroflexible _

_ Wolffe(uwu): HETEROFLEXIBLE??? you pretentious little shit. Say you're gay and move on like the rest of us. _

_ Boring Hetero Bitch: im not pretentious _

_ Pondsering: i call bullshit you pretentious little shit _

_ Boring Hetero Bitch: blocked _

**[Boring Hetero Bitch** ** _ changed their nickname to _ ** **Foxem up]**

_ Foxem up: i may be a little shit, but I'm not pretentious _

_ Pondsering: i talk to thorn idiot _

_Pondsering: i know just how long you spend getting dressed in the morning because he REGULARLY_ _complains about it_

_ Foxem up: that traitor. See if i give him the good zinfandel at the next bookclub meeting _

_ Resident braincell: YOU HAVE A BOOK CLUB???? _

_ Rexington Bear: FOX???????? YOU CAN READ??? _

_ Bly-nd Sided: I COULD'VE SWORN YOU WERE ILLITERATE _

_ Foxem up: CAN WE PLEASE GO BACK TO TALKING ABOUT HOW REX IS IN CODY'S BREAK ROOM??? _

\-----

The planet they were approaching, Nalisjan, was a deep, swirling mess of red and sharp bursts of teal, jagged continents poking out from the mess of the colorful storms, and lightning cracking in such massive and bright bursts, that every strike could be seen from the bridge.

It didn't exactly bode well. Cody knew a bad omen when he saw one.

"So, we're going to go meet Anakin, Senator Amidala, Rex and a small contingent of troopers. While escorting Senator Organa to the- Cody, why is Rex on the Negotiator?" Obi-Wan stared over his shoulder at the man in question, still in the blank armor.

Cody sighed deeply, and jabbed his finger sharply in Rex's direction. "I'd love to know that too. _ Huh Rex? _" He whipped his head around to glare at his brother.

Rex ambled his way over casually, like the bastard he was, ignoring Cody's question. "I've got to say General, that's rather impressive of you. Apparently Skywalker hasn't noticed that I'm gone yet."

"I think it's less that he hasn't noticed, and more that Senator Amidala is currently onboard." Obi-Wan deadpanned. "Not that Anakin would _ ever _ be by distracted her."

"Of course not." Rex said, though Cody could tell that he was barely keeping a straight face under the helmet.

"Obviously." Obi-Wan nodded sagely, the corners of his lips twitching up into a smile which was hidden by his beard.

Cody sighed. "This is dumb. You're both dumb. Rex, we'll add you to our little group, you'll switch yourself back, and then we do the whole 'negotiation escort' thing where we stand and look intimidating."

"I wanted to see how long the shiny and I could keep switching places until he noticed though." The blonde complained.

Obi-Wan looked resolutely out the window. "If I were a betting man? Three days, or until the two of you were both next to him."

"Ye of little faith. Five, minimum, and two weeks if Padmé sticks around." Rex shot back.

"I'll concede to eight days, with Padmé, nine if the ARC troopers are involved." The Jedi aquiesed.

Cody watched this, feeling as if he'd just seen a speeder bike crash somehow turn into a nuclear explosion. Confusing, and with awful implications.

"I think I should go get the Senator. Please don't get each other into debt through poor gambling choices." Cody gestured at the two of them as he turned to leave. "Also, you're both wrong. Anakin probably already knows, but won't say anything because he's afraid of being 'the guy who thinks we're all the same'."

There was _ absolutely zero way _ that Skywalker had noticed, but a little lie sometimes made your day that much better. And the startled protests he heard from behind him were like three shots of 'clone rights bill' directly into his veins. Ah, it was going to be a good day.

\-----

Cody lied. 

_This day fripping_ _sucked bantha ass._

The ground was muddy, the air humid, the flora violent, _ and _ he kept sinking into the ground due to the different gravity. Usually into some violent plant.

Yay diplomatic missions.

Obi-Wan, and his awful force powered spring in his step, was walking normally, assisting the Senator, who seemed to at least be in good spirits about being drenched in muck.

The same couldn't be said about Rex, who was grumbling under his breath, and frequently sending petty little updates to the command chat.

_ Rexington Bear: i hate this fucking planet _

_ Rexington Bear: why the fuck did we have to land two miles out from the rendezvous point _

Cody sighed and turned to look at him, tilting his helmet into the universal 'are you fucking kidding me' angle. "Maybe if you stopped complaining, and started walking, we'd be there faster."

Rex made eye contact with him. He could feel it. "Well then. _ Are we there yet? _"

"Don't you even think ab-"

"Are we there yet, Commander?"

"Rex."

"Are we _ there _yet?"

"_ Rex." _

"How about now?"

"No. Shut up."

"..."

"Thank you."

"... How about now?"

Cody snapped at him, whipping his head around to glare at him. "_ Anything _ else."

"Oh, _ anything? _ " Rex said and he could _ hear _ the grin.

He started to backpedal. "Actually you know what-"

"_ Ninety nine shinies in tubes on the wall, ninety nine shinies in tubes, take one down, decant em' on out, ninety eight shinies in tubes on the wall-" _He began singing. Loudly. And off-key.

"REX."

Rex started to sing even louder. And somehow, even _ more _ off-key.

\-----

Cody was tired, muddy, pissed off and wounded. Who knew that the wildlife here tracked loud noises? _ Clearly _not Rex.

He did have to grudgingly admit that his brother was a quick hand in a crisis situation, shooting the creature in the face as soon as it bit Cody's leg. Didn't really soothe the annoyance of it being _ Rex's _ fault though. Or the annoyance of the plastered bacta packs underneath his thermals.

He'd peeled off the destroyed greave, leaving just the boot. It was cut fairly cleanly, but the plastoid had melted where the lightsaber carved through, leaving drips rolling down it, leaving himmmoving awkwardly trying not to aggravate the punctures on his calf.

As they walked into the camp, Cody saw the kid in Rex's armor, surrounded by five troopers. Two who he immediately recognized as Fives and Echo.He knew those designs intrinsically. Probably because of all the times Rex had sent him pictures of the aftermath of one of their prank wars.

(So much goddamn glitter. Why was it always glitter?)

Rex casually made his way over to the group of troopers, passing Skywalker as the Jedi walked towards their own little party.

"Obi-Wan!" He called, walking at that strange pace that wasn't quite a jog, not quite a speed-walk. "Glad to see you made it in one piece."

Kenobi sniffed slightly. "_ You _ weren't flying, of course I made it safely."

"If slightly off course, Master Jedi." Senator Organa said teasingly. "I have a feeling Knight Skywalker could've gotten us a bit closer to the camp."

Anakin puffed his chest. "I could've landed us right on top, Senator."

"I'm sure you could've Anakin." Obi-Wan sighed. 

"Yes of course, but we didn't, and my leg is bleeding, so please tell me your medic is here." Cody interrupted before they could spend too long comparing flying styles. As it was, he was barely able to hide the way he was wincing, leaning his weight onto his right leg whenever possible.

"Oh- uh, Kix stayed on the ship- but I think Hardcase knows field medicine." He said, glancing back at the group. Rex had already switched armor, looking infinitely more comfortable and relaxed, it seemed.

"Great! Reassuring, I'll go do that." He huffed, once again grateful for the fact that behind the helmet, nobody could see him roll his eyes. Cody rolled his shoulders, and limped towards the lartie, where everyone was sitting on crates that should probably be unpacking.

"What's his problem?" He heard from Skywalker as he walked away. It'd be a great moment when he finally pulled rank on him. Cody should have it recorded.

\-----

"That should do it, Commander!" The younger clone said cheerfully, patting his leg a bit roughly. "Disinfected, and sewn up. As long as you don't overdo it on the stims, you shouldn't feel it anymore. Definitely don't do the blue ones though, they'll wreck the painkillers."

"Thank you, Hardcase." He sighed. "I'm glad I was able to get this dealt with before the negotiations. I have a bad feeling about the whole thing."

Rex let out an awful, heartfelt groan, and whipped his helmet off. 

"... Rex? Are you okay?" Cody looked over, mildly concerned.

The captain was digging through his belt, pulling out a marking pen. "You said the words."

"I don't get it."

He pulled the cap off and glared at him. "You said, "I have a bad feeling about this", and you've cursed us now." Rex placed another tally on his helmet.

"I've always wondered what those damn tallies were for." Cody nodded at Rex's bucket. "Fox said it was the amount of times you've been shot, and Ponds said it was how many times you've been laid."

"Gross. Also, I'm a little offended that Fox thinks I've been shot that many times." Rex rolled his eyes. "No, I just keep track of how many times that damned phrase is said."

Hardcase was watching this with rapt attention. "I dunno Captain, I think Kix would say otherwise. You do get shot a lot."

"Hardcase?"

"Yes captain?"

"You get to clean the kitchens when we get back."

"Fuck."

\-----

The Amomongo people were avian in nature. They had long fleshy necks, which were easily five feet tall alone, with sloped heads leading into sharp beaks at the end. Gular sacs were tucked underneath, colored with the same clay based paint that their feathered crowns and long tail feathers were dyed with. Stocky, barrel chested bodies, with arms ending in three fingered claws. The legs, with the massive talons were adorned in precious metals, and colorful stones. 

As beautiful as the ornamentation was, Cody could tell that the talons were dangerous, and that likely the paints they had on them were either toxic or hiding something worse. The beautiful fabrics draped over their necks and wrapped around their torsos were concealing both martial weapons and blasters. Those beaks looked as if they could pierce durusteel. 

Cody stood at attention behind the Jedi and the Senators, Rex at his flank. The other troopers were against the wall, watching the room, and hopefully, recording in case something went wrong. (It was a protocol he'd introduced after one two many negotiations gone awry.)

The being who seemed to be their leader was at the head of the table, pouring over documents. The elaborate feathered crown was dyed rich teal, matching the sheer shimmering fabric draped midway along their neck, and wrapped around their torso. A pearlescent clasp, in the shape of a clam, held the ends of the material together.

"Greetings, Representatives. I am Struthio Aves." They began to speak. "Today I speak for my people. We are concerned by the Separatists, but are not convinced the Republic is any better." The voice that came out was low, and had a thrum to it that barely registered.

"And you are currently sided with the Separatists, correct?" Padmé asked, tilting her head slightly.

"Indeed." They bobbed their head in the semblance of a nod. "We did not see any benefit of staying with the stagnation of the Republic, but now we are having our land ravaged for resources."

She let out a sympathetic noise. "I'm sorry to hear that. Naboo would be willing to sponsor your re-entry into the Republic."

"We did not say we wanted to join the Republic again. We are not convinced that neutrality isn't the way to go. Our army could easily drive off the Separatists."

Skywalker piped in, unable to hold his tongue. "Then why haven't you? Why did you ask for ambassadors?"

The feathers on the top of their head raised up sharply in offense. "Because we are part of the Separatists. We do not attack our own. We asked for ambassadors because we are in a position we have never been in before, and we simply could not ask the other Senate."

Cody (and all the others) politely pretended not to notice the calming hand Senator Amidala placed on his thigh.

"Then I thank you for reaching out to us. We are more than willing to hear your case and offer what advice we can." Bail piped in. "We are serving in a representative capacity, but as individuals, Senator Amidala and I might be able to offer assistance."

"That is agreeable, I look forward to-" Aves began, cut off by the sound of a loud bell chiming. "But first, we offer you to partake in a meal."

Padmé bowed her head respectfully. "We'd be honored."

Struthio looked up at the troopers who were standing, and then back at the Senators. "Your soldiers… They should stand guard yes? They will not be offended by not partaking?"

"The men should be fine, Speaker Aves." Bail reassured them.

The amomongo nodded their head and gestured for the meal to be brought out. Servers in similarly colored cloth, but notably less fine, brought out platters of food. They placed one in front of each person seated at the table, and another bell was rung. With a silent movement, suddenly every amomongo at the table began to eat.

Padmé, Bail and Obi-Wan began to politely eat their food. Skywalker? Skywalker seemed distracted, and had left his plate untouched.

The Speaker addressed him. "Is there something wrong, Jedi Ambassador?"

"Oh, sorry, I just would rather not eat." Anakin said, a bit offhandedly.

The hush that followed was a clear sign that something was wrong.

"Are you… is this an _ accusation _ Jedi?" Struthio asked, their feathered crown spreading out, and their gular sac inflating with air.

"An accusation of what?" He asked, confused.

"Do you believe we wish you ill? That we would feed a guest only to kill them?"

"Well I don't know! Would you?" Skywalker stood up suddenly, his seat screeching across the floor as he did.

The Speaker stood up and towered over him, the tense silence broken by the murmuring of the others in the background.

Padmé sighed, and reached into her boot, pulling out a pistol at the same time Obi-Wan unclasped his lightsaber from his belt.

"Wha- What are you doing? _ Put those away _ !" Bail hissed. "These are _ peace _ negotiations."

"No, Bail, they _ were _peace negotiations." Padmé said kindly.

"It's just some ruffled feath- I actually think it's best if I don't finish that sentence." 

"Oh, how I wished I had been able to impart that wisdom onto Anakin." Obi-Wan sighed, belabored, and looking far older than his years. 

Cody leaned over to the Senator. "Now would be a good time to pull out your weapon, Senator Organa." He murmured quietly.

"I- don't, I- oh, forget it." The man sputtered in mild frustration, before pulling a sidearm out from underneath his cloak, holding it gingerly.

Cody just sat back and waited for the fallout, tensed and ready to run.

Anakin twisted the knife past the point of return when he got frustrated at the standoff he and the planets representatives were having, and snapped. "Honestly, you might as well have tried to kill me, Separatist scum."

He clicked off the safety when he heard the sharp, angry trill that rose up. When the Amomongo pulled out blaster rifles, well, _ then _ he started running. He put Organa in front of him, and booked it through the lynstone halls.

"Go go _ go!" _ He called, turning around and firing over his shoulder at the closest assailant. "For fucks sake _ run!" _

The company of 501st soldiers slammed the large doors behind them, giving their whole party a few extra seconds. As they sprinted out, more and more of the guards rushed after them, until a small militia was chasing them. With their long legs bringing them closer and closer, suddenly their headstart had been negated. 

It was either stand their ground, or get killed.

"Try and get out of the city- we're going to be real dead, real fast if we stay in between these walls!" Cody yelled.

"Copy that!" One of the ARC troopers called back, Fives, going by the paint. He grabbed a thermal grenade, engaged it, and tossed it into the crowd of Amomongo.

It went off and bought them a little more time, as their pursuants became more concerned with not catching fire, or moving their asses out of the way, even if that was away from their enemies. 

Fives let out a whoop. "Well, sure am glad that we didn't need to maintain diplomatic relations!"

The other one, Echo, let out a sharp bark of laughter. "General killed any chance of that!"

"Come on guys!" Anakin groaned, looking annoyed, even in a dead sprint. "I didn't mean to!"

Cody could see the gates, and he could see the guards posted there readying their weapons. "Coulda shoulda woulda Skywalker! Doesn't matter now, just _ move your ass!" _

Wade and Hardcase rushed to the front, the latter pulling something out of his belt that Cody hoped to god wouldn't kill them. 

Two explosions later, and the guards were no longer an issue. As soon as they were out of the gate, they had to bottleneck into the woods, which made their assailants concentrate their fire on their backs.

As they raced through the forest, they exchanged shots back and forth as much as they could without tripping over roots or running into trees.

The clearing in the woods they had landed in opened up just in time for them to spread out and fight. Cody could count at least thirty remaining Amomongo, who were firing with extreme prejudice.

He ducked down and shot one in the leg, another in the arm, trying to aim for non lethal damage. "Get the Senators to safety!"

"On it!" Anakin yelled back. "Padmé, try and get behind cover!" 

"Not happening Ani! You need all the fighters you can get!" She responded, shooting at the one on her right.

Cody hated to admit that she was right, but they had crewed thinly for what was _ supposed _ to be an easy mission. A true Skywalker plot after all. Fuck.

Obi-Wan rushed behind him, taking off a few legs as he went. 

He was busy shooting two of the soldiers who were behind a tree when he felt a blaster bolt go straight between the joint where his pauldron and rerebrace met.

A sharp hiss left him as Cody quickly readjusted his grip to hold his blaster in one hand. "_Kark _ that hurts."

"Cody!" Came a startled shout from his right, the hum of a lightsaber letting him know it was Obi-Wan without even looking. "Are you alright?"

"I've been shot, I'm not dead yet." He huffed, and shot the amomongo who hit him in the head. He was done playing nice.

"At this rate we should just get married now!" Obi-Wan laughed, blocking a shot. It didn't hide the thread of worry that threaded through his voice.

Cody shot another Amomongo. "Well! Might as well then! Anakin is even here!"

Skywalker looked over, confused. "What?"

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Rex is ordained, right?"

Rex gave them a thumbs up as he shot back in retaliation.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi, I take you as my lawfully wedded husband!"

Obi-Wan deflected more blaster bolts. "And I you, Cody!"

Rex yelled out over the clamor. "I now pronounce you Mr. and Mr. Kenobi! Kiss later, fight now!"

"What the fuck just happened?" Anakin cried out in confusion.

"We should do it in mando'a after!" Obi-Wan called, using the force to throw an Amomongo soldier far away. "Make it galactic standard legal!"

Cody ducked under a bolt. "You gotta live through this first!"

"_ You're _ the one who got shot!" The Jedi shot back exasperatedly.

"What is _ happening? _" Skywalker asked, louder this time, slashing his lightsaber across the chest of the nearest avian soldier.

"I'm _ fine _." Cody huffed, shooting the one approaching the good Senator. "Watch your back Ms. Amidala!"

Padmé nodded at him. "Thank you Commander! Congratulations, I'll get you a gift if we live!" She yelled as she shot at the few stragglers following them into the forest.

"Padmé?" Skywalker looked desperately at his wife.

Whatever she was about to say was drowned out by Hardcase yelling "DUCK!" at the top of his lungs. Cody had never been more thankful for a heavy gunner in his _ life _.

The destruction he rained down allowed them to see the approaching reinforcements in the distance. There were _ far _ too many for them to even feasibly make it out, even with both Jedi.

"Well we're all gonna have to cram into the lartie- go go go!" Rex ordered, yanking the doors open, and ushering everyone in. "Senator, we're going to have to abandon your ship here!"

"Understandable!" Bail nodded, pulling himself in, helping others up. 

Anakin raced to the cockpit, starting the engines as everyone crammed themselves in, taking off once everyone was in, doors barely shut.

Before they slid into place, Cody could see the guard, mere yards away, shooting at them with poor accuracy, but getting a few shots in. Echo yelped as a bolt landed near his foot, jerking it up quickly.

As they soared out of the atmosphere, everyone let out a collective sigh of relief, tension leaching out of their bodies.

Cody picked up his com and lifted it up to his mouth, comming the _ Negotiator _. "This is Commander Cody to the bridge, prepare for immediate departure. General Kenobi and I will rendezvous as soon as possible, but we are now in hostile space."

"_ Copy that Commander, we'll respond with coordinates once we've reached Republic territory." _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nayc cadet. Ad be Mand'alor, jetti: I'm no cadet, I'm the son of the Mand'alor
> 
> Ah. Ad be Mand'alor, Boba Fett, serim? Gar olar? Ti Cody? Tion'jor?: Ah. The son of the Mand'alor, Boba Fett, correct? You're here? With Cody? Why?
> 
> Jorhaa mando'a? Gar aretii!: You speak mando'a? But you're not Mandalorian!
> 
> Gar hibirar birov bat haar viiniron. Akaanir par gar oya: You learn a lot when you're on the run. When you're fighting for your life.
> 
> Di'kutla mir'osik: idiotic shithead
> 
> Copaani mirshmure'cye vod'ika?: You looking for a smack in the face, kid?
> 
> For those of you who are visual folks like myself: the amomongo are here https://forcesensitivebantha.tumblr.com/post/189553017565/for-anyone-whos-a-visual-person-like-me-here-are


	9. Dialogue Dialogue Dialogue (now with more Dialogue!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read through and realized just how much dialogue is in this one. Sorry y'all. Happy holidays!

Getting on board the  _ Resolute _ was taking much longer than Cody thought it would. Although that could just be the effect of the adrenaline starting to fade out. That and his arm had fallen asleep. He hoped it was just asleep. It would suck so hard if he lost his arm. He liked that arm.

The ship didn't have windows, but the atmosphere changed around them as they began to dock in the hangar bay. As the bay doors of the ship opened, he helped some of the more injured troopers out first, before leaving himself and stopping dead in his tracks.

Terror, in the stark white dress outfit of CMO's, was staring him down, arms crossed and face fixed into a permanent scowl.

What the fuck was Terror doing on the _ Resolute _ ?

Cody spun around on his heel and began to walk back into the lartie.

" _ Not. So. Fast."  _ Echoed around the hangar, spoken with force and certainty.

Obi-Wan, who had gotten out alongside him, simply patted his shoulder consolingly. "Good luck dear."

"You traitor- Obi get back here-" He hissed reaching for the robe he was wearing desperately. "Don't leave me alone with-"

"Oh look at the time, I need to be going immediately." The ginger said, faking surprise. "Hello Terror."

That motherfucker wouldn't dare. 

"Just letting you know, Cody's been shot." The Jedi said in low tones, almost conspiratorially. He then walked off quickly before the medic could turn his ire on him. 

_ That motherfucker  _ ** _did_ ** _ . _

Cody didn't bother to feel bad about the fact that Skywalker was following close behind him. Obi-Wan had sicced Terror on him.  _ On their wedding day. _

"Commander. Good to see you." Terror said, in politely clipped tones as he made his approach. "So, shot? Again?"

"Yes. Maybe. If I say no will you let me go?" He quickly began to backpedal. Why did he say yes? (Fear. It was fear.) He'd confirmed his own demise. 

"I don't care if I have to tie you down with your own _intestines_ right now Cody. You're going to the medbay, you're letting me look at you, and then you're going to _karking_ _sleep _for a. _Full. Eight. Hours." _He growled, grabbing him by the collar of his blacks and beginning to haul him down the hallways of the ship.

The man really should've been trained as an interrogator. Cody would just have to make peace with the world and it's inhabitants, because he doubted he'd come out alive at the end. Shame, because Rex still owed him sixteen credits. 

He followed along obediently, not wanting to make his situation worse.

"I can't believe you. You go on a  _ diplomatic _ mission, without taking any medical supplies- why are you limping?" 

"I got bit? It's okay, one of Rex's troopers patched me up."

Terror twitched a little. "It's not okay, because you  _ didn't mention it _ ."

Cody held his hands up in surrender. "To be fair, you kind of kidnapped me."

"Walk faster."

"But I'm injured-"

"Should've thought of that before you got hurt then, huh?" The medic snorted, pushing him through the doors of the medbay. "Find a cot, sit down, and shut up."

Well now Cody was just feeling petulant. "Yes sir." 

Terror rolled his eyes. "You do know that you're one of my worst patients, right?"

"Oh really? Who the worst." It was a dumb question to ask. As soon as it came out of his mouth he knew the answer.

"Kenobi." He looked at him deadpan.

"No, yeah that makes perfect sense." Cody nodded.

Terror held his hands out expectantly, and raised an eyebrow at him. "Arm? Come on commander, I don't have all day."

He rolled his eyes but carefully began to shuck off the pieces of armor, starting with the rebrace and realizing that he should just take off the whole top half when he saw the damage.

As the chestplate hit the table, he let out a quiet hiss as Terror took a scalpel and cut away as much of melted fabric as he could.

"This is why I hate when you don't come to the medbay immediately." Terror said quietly. "Because then I know that you try and peel this off in the fresher like an idiot." 

"Okay- now that's just insubordinat-" He let out the tiniest squeak as the medic pried off some of the residue and took some skin with it. "-ion."

"I outrank you. Probably. Actually it doesn't matter, because you're not going to argue with me." He muttered, grabbing an alcohol soaked swab. "Hold still this is gonna sting like a bitch."

Cody grit his teeth and clenched his fist. "Goddamnit-"

"You have dust in your blaster wound, if it got infected I might have to take the arm." 

It was hard to tell if Terror was ever joking, with the flat tone he used, but Cody really hoped he was kidding this time. He needed that arm!

Although. He probably couldn't do paperwork with only one arm. So, maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing to happen.

"I think I'm good on the amputation front, thank you very much." Cody said in-between the wincing and sharp intakes of breath. " _ How _ does this hurt so much?"

"I've found that pain scales in relation to idiocy." 

"Oh, man I guess Skywalker must be in agony every day of his life." Cody laughed. "Maybe it's why he's like  _ that. _ "

"I'm surprised he can even get out of bed in the morning." The medic grinned, carefully removing debris and dirt from around the wound site.

A  _ joke _ . And nobody would ever believe him if he told them. Cody gaped. "You know how to  _ smile? _ "

"Oh shut up." Terror scowled at him, and tugged off the next bit of fabric just a little more aggressively. "I have more than just one facet of personality, I'll have you know."

Cody gasped at the sharp pain. "I believe you!"

Terror patted his shoulder lightly in apology. "Alright, I've almost got this cleaned, once that's done we can slather some bacta on, and look at that leg."

He nodded at him. "So I should take the rest of my armor off then?"

"That should be obvious."

Grinning sheepishly, Cody used his other hand to awkward unclasp, remove, and shimmy out of what little armor he had on still. His dexterity was a little limited, so a few pieces fell to the floor, splattering the pristine floors with mud.

Terror looked at it and sighed. "Great. Now Kix is going to kill me for messing up his floors." He rolled his shoulders back. "Hold still. Have some pain killers."

He took the little flimsi cup that was offered, and downed them dry, taking sadistic pleasure in the way the medic glared at him for not using the water next to him.

"Alright. So this is probably going to hurt." Was the last thing he heard before the world got blurry and dark.

\-----

Cody woke up, a bit groggy at first, and realized with a sinking feeling that Terror had drugged him. Bastard. Those weren't painkillers, were they?

"Hey vod. You're up." Came a voice with that specific five-oh-first lilt to it. Rex.

"I'm up, but I don't remember going down." He grumbled. "Was it the pills or did he hypo me, Rex?" Cody opened his eyes and saw the blurry shape of the blonde to his right.

"Couldn't tell you. But your medic seems pretty pleased with himself." Rex said, before leaning down to whisper frantically. " _ How did he get on my ship?" _

He put his hand up and pushed the Captain's face away. "I'd rather not ask. It's safer not to ask." Cody sat himself up slowly, rubbing at his eyes as if that would make things clearer. "How long was I out?"

"Nine, ten hours? Cody what do you mean  _ 'safer not to ask _ '? We could have a fatal security flaw!" 

"You probably don't. The man just has a skill to getting to where he wants to be, no matter how improbable it seems." He looked up at the ceiling as his vision slowly began to regain detail. Definitely a hypo then, pills would've taken a few hours to get this kind of clarity back. 

"Cody, that's insane. Spies do that sort of thing, not medics." Rex said firmly.

"Are you telling me that you don't think Kix could do it?" He turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow.

His brother went quiet, before giving him a grudging agreement. "Okay, fair point."

"So why are you sitting next to my bed, like you're holding a vigil?" He asked, looking around for his blacks, so he could change out of the medical gown.

"Skywalker and Kenobi have been driving me insane. As soon as he realized that you guys got married, he flipped his shit. Padmé has been doing her best to keep him calm, but I'm not going to touch that with a ten foot pole." Rex groaned, sinking his head into his hands. "You were at least quiet."

"Actually, being shot is the best thing that ever happened to me. I missed the fallout. Remind me to get Terror a gift basket." Cody snorted, picking up the thermal layer and staring at it's tattered remains in dismay. He had  _ just _ broken that one in.

Rex, the sweet, amazing, phenomenal little brother that he was, tossed a clean pair at him. "You didn't really miss the fallout, so much as you've delayed it. It's coming. I mean, Skywalker is even mad at  _ me!" _

He groaned. "I'm going to get hurt glances for months, aren't I?" Cody tugged at the tie holding the mint green gown together, and shucked it off, he stepped into the (lovely, amazingly clean and mud free) blacks and began to get dressed. Ignoring the mild tweaking of his arm as he did, he made sure it was all sealed. 

Rex simply held up his datapad, queued to a text from the general.

_ Skyfucker: Rex. Tell Cody that im mad at him. Also congrats. But also I'm mad.  _

_ Skyfucker: wait hold on im mad at you too _

_ Skyfucker: forget these last texts I'm mad at you and im giving you the cold shoulder _

Cody cackled. "Send that to the chat. That's very good."

"He's trying so hard to be mad. Anakin's a hopeless romantic. Give him two weeks and he'll be insisting on planning a double date between you guys." Rex said, sending the screenshot as he did. 

Cody looked around. "Hey, where's my armor?"

"Kix took it. He was muttering about contamination. It's probably in his office." Rex stood up, tucking the pad under his arm. "C'mon, we'll go collect it, and then we'll grab some spare parts from the armory to replace what you lost."

"I'm still pissed at you for getting me bitten." He grumbled. "I haven't actually damaged or lost armor in  _ months _ and then I hang out with you and lose two pieces in one day?"

The captain rolled his eyes, and walked past him. "Well, try and keep up then. Unless you're so injured I need to wheel you on a gurney."

Rex was officially back to shitty little brother status.

\-----

Balancing two separate greaves in either hand, Cody was trying to figure out which one would be better weighted.

"Just put on all your armor, and switch the two out. Do a lap with each of em on." Rex said boredly. "It's like you're a shiny again, you know how this works."

"Shut up. I'm making an important decision." He grumbled, sticking his tongue out at him when Rex wasn't looking. 

"Uh huh. Sure."

Cody heard a ping from inside his helmet, and turned to look at it. He put it on and opened the most recent message.

_ Rexington Bear: Cody is literally trying on armor like it's a wedding dress _

_ Rexington Bear: you're already married!! Just pick a damn greave so we can GO _

_ Wherewolffe: EXCUSE ME WHAT _

_ Foxem up: THIS IS HOMOPHOBIA THAT I WASN'T INVITED _

_ Foxem up: not that I'm gay _

_ Pondsering: OH COME ON _

_ Bly-nd Sided: CODY YOU BITCH YOU PROMISED I COULD BE A BRIDESMAID _

He took the helmet off, turned to Rex, and flipped him off. With gusto.

Cody put it back on and resigned himself to his fate.

_ Resident braincell: look it was spur of the moment _

_ Bly-nd Sided: OH BUT  _ ** _REX _ ** _ WAS THERE????? _

_ Bly-nd Sided: i call bullshit _

_ Resident braincell: look man i got shot!! Sorry I didn't text immediately!!  _

**[Foxem up ** ** _changed _ ** **Resident braincell** ** _'s name to _ ** **Eyope Elopee]**

_ Eyope Elopee: clever. _

_ Eyope Elopee: BUT WE'RE HAVING A SECOND WEDDING I SWEAR. WHERE I WONT DIE. _

_ Rexington Bear: probably. _

_ Eyope Elopee: you little shit you're jinxing it!! _

_ Foxem up: if you die, I'll court marshal rex, don't worry _

_ Eyope Elopee: friendship ended with rex. Now fox is my best friend. _

_ Rexington Bear: this is awful _

_ Eyope Elopee: brought it on yourself, idiot. _

_ Pondsering: I'm still mad at you Cody _

_ Pondsering: not even a text?? _

_ Eyope Elopee: what part of I WAS SHOT don't you understand??? _

_ Wherewolffe: the part where you're a little bitch. _

_ Eyope Elopee: touché. _

_ Rexington Bear: i did this to shame you into picking a piece of armor. Hurry up. _

_ Bly-nd Sided: what are you, a shiny? _

_ Pondsering: yeah, huh shiny? _

**[Foxem up** ** _ changed _ ** **Eyope Elopee** ** _'s nickname to _ ** **Shiny Baby Kote]**

_ Shiny Baby Kote: you suck. I hate you.  _

_ Rexington Bear: not very glorious now are you? _

_ Shiny Baby Kote: THEY'RE DIFFERENT WEIGHTS _

_ Foxem up: does it matter?? _

_ Shiny Baby Kote: WHEN YOU'RE KICKING SHIT, YEAH!! _

_ Shiny Baby Kote: bitch. _

**[Rexington Bear ** ** _changed _ ** **Foxem up** ** _'s nickname to_ ** ** Bitch.]**

_ Bitch.: Yeah. Okay. I guess I can see that. _

_ Bitch.: You do know you have a gun, right? _

Cody just heard Rex's screaming laughter, and logged off, turning to face his brother, who had the biggest grin splitting his face.

He was holding both greaves, with 'Shiny Baby Kote' painted in 501st blue on both of them.

" _ YOU LITTLE SHIT _ ." He yelled, whipping his helmet off, and chasing after the fleeing Captain, greaves forgotten on the floor.

\-----

Cody was sitting in the officers mess with Rex, resolutely not talking about the blue paint splattered in his hairline. Just like Rex wasn't talking about the lopsided dick painted hastily on the back of his chestplate. That may have been because he didn't know about it yet.

Hopefully, Cody would be long gone before he did.

The ARC troopers staring at them didn't exactly help matters. 

Surprising absolutely no one, Fives broke the silence.

"So. Uh, did you-"

"No." Cody and Rex said in unison, turning to glare at him in sync.

"Alrighty then!" He nodded, clapping his hands on his thighs as he stood up. "Well, we best be going. C'mon Echo."

Echo snorted and got up as well, turning to Cody. "Congratulations on tying the knot, Commander."

"Thank you. If you see Skywalker, run some interference for me, will you?"

He snapped off a salute, and turned to his batchmate as they walked out. "You got it. Hey Fives! We get to go make nuisances of ourselves!"

"Fuck yeah!"

The distant sound of a high-five reached Cody's ears, and he had a notion that he'd live to regret saying that to those two. The horrified look Rex was giving him just solidified that belief.

"... I'm sorry?" He offered.

Rex shook his head in disbelief. "You get to pay for damages."

"Okay, I will, but now that I have you alone." Cody took a deep breath and begin to explain what had transpired in the last few weeks. The droids, the meeting, what he hoped  _ wasn't  _ the reason for the kidnapping but suspected, and finally, Fox's research.

Saying it all out loud was truly damning.

Rex leaned back. "Well. That's– that's a lot Cody. Who else have you told?"

He grimaced. "I meant to tell Wolffe and Bly, Fox told me he'd handle Ponds."

"They need to know. Goddamn it, Cody, this changes everything-" 

Cody held his hand up, and looked at Rex, hope creeping into his eyes. "Rex. If the chancellor is corrupt, or even Separatist, well. I stopped the droids once, right? Who says we can't do it again?"

His brother looked at him, the same idea dawning on him. "... All the helmets have external speakers, right?"

"I'll get a team on it immediately." Cody fumbled for his datapad, but found when he turned it on, he had a mission alert. "Huh, guess we found the rendezvous point."

Rex leaned over to peer at the screen. "Where?"

Cody sent off a request to the two twelves slicers, and opened the file. "Umbara."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey cam what's up


	10. Under my Umbara (bara bara, eh eh)

“Hey asshole.” Cody leveled his blaster at the besalisks head. “If you're gonna fake a frequency? Try and get the area code right.”

Three shots and Pong Krell was on the floor, growing cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh please did you really think I'd hurt you like that? anyways the REAL new chapter should be up either later today or tomorrow. I love you.


	11. Wars over everyone, go home!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi I'm a day late but I love you

Their losses were insurmountable. So many were gone, and this was all Cody could do to put a stop to it. He swore he'd end the devastation, the swaths of troops he was losing to battle. No matter how irrational, how rushed, and how much _ trouble _ he'd be in for doing it. It was for the good of everyone else, damn the consequences. It was a risky move, but one that had to be done.

Cody flipped the gameboard over with a huff, scattering all the pieces that littered it along the floor.

"Aw- Commander!" Waxer groaned, looking at the mess in pouting disbelief. "C'mon! I was finally beating you!"

He jabbed a finger at the bald man. "I am  _ never _ going to play Risk with you again."

A petulant voice from off of his right piped up. "Good. It's super boring to watch you get trounced."

Hearing the sound of a high-five, he turned around to glare at the offenders, only to see a look of innocence upon Boil's face, and a smirk on Boba's.

"Why don't you play then?" He sniffed, before turning and giving Waxer the stink eye. "Maybe you could give this shark a run for his money."

Boba raised his eyebrows condescendingly. "No. I know better. Unlike you, clearly."

Cody rolled his eyes, refusing to be cowed by a teenager. No matter how moody, and surprisingly intimidating that teenager was.

Boil, who'd began to pick up the little soilders at his feet, piped up. "So, any word from Obi-Wan just how mad the council is that you killed Krell?"

"Nope. I wish, because that'd mean I'd actually  _ seen my husband _ ." He groaned, falling back into his seat. "Is it too much to ask for some time alone?"

Waxer threw a cavalry piece at him. "There are children present, Commander!" He hissed.

"Nah I get it. You two want to bone." Boba snickered, before sitting up sharply and glaring at Waxer after being hit in the temple with yet another tiny toy horse.

"I should've put you in a crate when I had the chance." Cody breathed out raggedly, scrubbing a hand down his face.

Boil laughed, and ruffled Boba's hair, even as he had his hands slapped away. "Man, I wish you had done that."

"Oh be quiet, you like Boba!" 

"Prove it! You can't."

"Oh for- how are you my best friend?"

"You have poor taste."

"Maybe it's because I like kids, and you're an absolute  _ child!" _

"What- Waxer! Take that back!"

Cody made eye contact with Boba and came to the sinking realization that they had the exact same expression on their faces. Damnit. They'd bonded.  _ He'd named it. He'd started to get attached. _

"They're going to keep arguing for a while." He sighed.

"Little brothers, am I right?" The teen said wryly, causing Cody to pale.

He always forgot that they were technically the same age. Which made Waxer younger than Boba. Wild.

"Alright if you keep bringing that up then I'm going to get a migraine, and then I'll have to see Terror and it'll have been _ your _ fault." Cody groaned.

Boba mimed zipping his lips shut. "No way I'm going to chance that. Terror is scarier than anything I've ever seen, and I've seen the line for the bathroom at BHIKKE."

"Now that's something everyone can agree on." He nodded approvingly. "So while they argue, let me ask. How're you finding it here?"

"It's been a month. All I can say is that it's a nicer prison." He shrugged. "I get to shoot things. The food sucks. The AC is always on for some reason. At least I don't get spacesick."

The food did suck. Wait. Hold on a second. "Who's been taking you shooting?" Cody asked, baffled.

"Boil. Who else?" 

Cody was going to strangle Boil. He'd let their prisoner, who was (objectively) dangerous, handle a weapon? He could feel the veins in his temple pulsing. So irresponsible. Awful. It must've shown on his face, because the teen rolled his eyes and responded to the unasked question.i

"Don't worry, I wasn't gonna shoot him. Cause then he'd do that 'disappointed in me as a person' face and I couldn't stand it." Boba grumbled.

Cody felt a little better. "It's a pretty devastating expression, huh?"

"I tried to escape during the third night cycle I was here and he caught me and just." He shuddered. "The  _ eyes _ . I wanted to apologise for everything I've ever done ever."

"I'd pay money to see him do the face at Skywalker." Cody said with a laugh.

"Ten credits says Skywalker starts crying."

Goddamnit. Cody liked the kid.

\-----

_ Obi-juan whoever the fuck: i have been on comms with the council for NINE HOURS _

_ Ambien Skywalker: F _

_ tanogram: F _

_ Padme AmiGOTTEM: F _

_ Obi-juan whoever the fuck: i am very tired and would like to go to bed knowing that husband won't be court martialed for taking a nessecary action _

_ Ambien Skywalker: MORE LIKE COURT MARRIED!!!! _

_ Ambien Skywalker: FIST BUMP ME PADMÉ!!!!! _

_ tanogram: i just watched anakin run out of the room  _

_ Padme AmiGOTTEM: fist bump completed _

_ Obi-juan whoever the fuck: i can't believe I raised you.  _

_ Obi-juan whoever the fuck: we high five in this household you monster _

\-----

Cody walked into their shared quarters, tossing his helmet onto the folding chair placed haphazardly near the door. He heard a groan, and looked up to see a very harried looking Obi-Wan lying on the bed, his forearm slung over his eyes.

"So. What's the verdict? Am I to be shot at dawn? You gonna have to execute me with that lightsaber of yours? Do I need to fake my own death?" He asked cheerfully, sitting on the edge of the bed next to him, causing the matress to dip, and the jedi to be jostled.

"Don't be ridiculous." Obi-Wan grumbled. "If I had to kill you, you would never see it coming. But no. Seeing as you rank higher than even Yoda, they couldn't exactly order to have you," his face screwed up in obvious disgust, "reconditioned, or worse. Decommissioned. How they think that's acceptable to do to any sentient is beyond me."

He mussed up his hair affectionately. "It's a crime against sentience and a dark stain on the Jedi order for allowing it to happen." He said sweetly. "But glad to know I'm not going to die before we have our honeymoon."

"I'm thinking a beach. With lots of sand so Anakin won't bother us." Obi-Wan said dreamily. "Oh, won't that be lovely?"

"Mm. I want all inclusive, because I want to be drinking mimosas as soon as I wake up, and switch to margaritas when it's noon. Put the enhanced cell regeneration to good use." 

"I'm going to sleep for eleven hours and then go nap under a fancy umbrella. I'm going to just do  _ nothing _ ." He grinned up at the ceiling, and turned to look at Cody slyly. "Well. Not  _ nothing. _ "

He rolled his eyes. "You're not as cute as you think you are."

His husband (and wasn't that a trip, his  _ husband _ ) huffed. "I am, frankly, adorable."

Cody kissed his temple. "You certainly are something."

"Rude. Absolutely awful. I can't believe I spent nine and a half hours defending you and this is how you treat me." Obi-Wan pushed his face away with a grumble.

"Well, I'm glad you put up with me then." He chuckled, rummaging around to find clothes to change into.

"It's a good thing I love you." The Jedi snorted. "But no. No consensus yet. The council, surprise surprise, can't decide what to do about you and Krell."

"Oh? So am I on forced leave?" He pulled on a well worn cotton shirt, digging around for his nice wool socks that Padmé had gotten him a few years ago. "I could do some forced leave."

"Nothing as simple as that. No, they've put it off until 'the war has calmed down'." Obi-Wan sighed. 

"So… Never, then?" Cody said wryly. "Because despite what we'd like to think, it doesn't seem that close."

"Don't jinx us like that!" He scolded.

He motioned for Obi-Wan to scoot over, as he climbed into the bed. "Thought you Jedi weren't superstitious."

"We're not. But tempting fate is it's own thing, Cody." The ginger protested, stroking his beard in thought. "Is it superstition?"

"I don't know cyare. Sleep on it." He yawned.

"I will, but not because you told me to."

Cody rolled his eyes, and smiled fondly. Stupid obstanate jedi.

\-----

_ rip roaring riparian: hey boss _

_ rip roaring riparian: hey boss. Boss. Boss. bro. Why'd you never tell us you outrank even the chancellor? _

_ codified: i WHAT _

_ rip roaring riparian: haha yeah Mr. Defense Secretary _

_ codified: i can't believe obiwan made me a secretary _

_ rip roaring riparian: i can't believe that it ranks higher than the republics highest political office _

_ codified: me neither. Im going to go stare into my coffee mug for a few minutes and contemplate this. _

_ codified: oh god the paperwork _

_ codified:  _ ** _the paperwork_ **

_ rip roaring riparian: lol _

\-----

The hastily assembled group of slicers presented him with what appeared to simply be a bulky microphone. Covered in duct tape. And it looked like there was a mynock sticker on the side. (it was a sparkly one too.)

Cody raised an eyebrow and sipped his caf. "Okay?"

Riparian threw her hands up in exasperation. "See if I ever try and solve the war for you again! Jeezy creezy,  _ no _ thanks!"

Dip, with the blue hair, and Fiddler with the green, exchanged looks. Seguey, who Cody knew had the neck tattoo, just rolled his eyes.

"Uh, do you wanna know what it is, Commander?" Dip hazarded.

Hey, somebody had caught on already. "Sure Dip. Tell me what it is."

"It's a long-range multi repeater, with polarized receptors." S

Cody wasn't dumb, not by any standard. But, even though he knew what those words meant individually, together? Not a karking chance. "Basic, please. I understood maybe a quarter of what you meant."

"It'll broadcast whatever you say through all the external coms! We hacked the emergency override." Fiddler explained, bouncing on his heels. "Just, kinda... Press the button, and Bam! Instant galactic transmission!"

Okay. Impressive. "And how does that work?"

Dip beamed. "We jerryrigged a bunch of commlinks together and made a super transmitter. Lot of soldering. Lot of duct tape." 

It looked like it, that was sure.

Seguey leaned towards Cody like he was telling a secret. "Please don't look at the holocom budget sir. It'll raise your blood pressure."

Cody felt his heart rate spike nonetheless just thinking about it. He didn't want to deal with the financial department. Those guys were  _ mean _ . They never let him write off his caf because it wasn't a 'necessary medical intervention'. 

It was. He would've broken quite a few more noses without it, of that much he was sure.

"Great. So, other than racking up the galaxies largest phone bill, how do I get this thing to work? Do I have to be sitting here repeating myself constantly?"

Riparian snorted, and kicked her feet up onto the table. "Don't be ridiculous commander. Nah, you just need to say it once, and then this baby encodes it into low frequency binary that only the droids'll hear."

"Right, okay, but it'd only play once, right?" He squinted at the group, who had varying levels of sheepishness in their expressions. " _ Right, _ guys?"

Dip gave him an apologetic grin. "We uh. Maybe might've… hackedabunchofsatalites."

Six cups of caf was not enough for this. No amount of caf was enough for this. "Please tell me that's legal." He groaned.

Nobody said anything.  _ Great _ . Greeeeat. "This better work."

"If it doesn't, that means we don't have to explain it." Seguey pointed out. "And if it doesn't work, we'll all probably die, so who cares about legality, right?"

Fiddler scowled and elbowed his brother in the gut, causing Seguey to step on his foot. Which turned into Fiddler flicking his ear. Cody couldn't help but think of Wolffe and Fox as they devolved into cadets while arguing.

"Stop fighting, you idiots." Riparian scolded, glaring at both of them as they sheepishly regained their comousure. "Alright Commander, just say your thing so we can go back to doing questionably legal things." She instructed.

He rolled his eyes and leaned into the mic, as Dip excitedly pressed the button. "This is Defense Secretary Cody, ordering a stand down of all units."

Riparian gave him a thumbs up. "We should see results in a couple hours!"

Good. That was more than enough time to go get caf.

\-----

_ Wulf has sent a link:  _ spacecnn.com/droids_motion

_ Reports are sweeping in from across the galaxy, the Separatist army has simply stopped. Is this the end of the war? _

_ Wulf: what the hell? _

_ Blyght: for the first time, i haven't had a single casualty. I'm crying. _

_ Pondsering: we. _

_ Pondsering: did we win? _

_ Rexting: holy kark _

\-----

Cody, Defense Secretary of the Galactic Republic, stood on the bridge of the  _ Negotiator,  _ prepared to address the Republic at large.

Cody stared into the camera, and tried to ignore the big thumbs ups Waxer and Boil were giving him from behind the holoprompter.

The vod filming gave him a three second countdown, and then a thumbs up to signify that they'd started recording.

He took a deep breath and began. "Hello. My name is Commander Cody." He wouldn't say his number, no matter what protocol dictated. "I'm beyond pleased to report that as of 08:32 this morning, the fighting on the front lines has all but ceased. The Separatist army has stood down, and we will begin a process of accepting surrender. We will provide updates to the media as they come in."

A cheer went up, rippling across the bridge, and Cody couldn't help the grin that split his face. "This is Commander Cody, signing off. Vod'e An." 

As soon as the camera cut, he found himself swarmed, claps on the back so firm he staggered a little, hugs that squeezed the breath out of him. He couldn't find it in himself to be bothered. Not when there were vode all around him celebrating. With varying degrees of respectability. He, once again, ignored Flint, who seemed to have found and smuggled a genuine keg onboard.

All he knew in the moment was that the man who rushed towards him was the only thing that mattered. He caught an armful of jedi, and a crowdful of jeers as he dipped him into a kiss.

Obi-Wan looked wild, hair askance and blue eyes twinkling. "We did it Cody, we did it. The war is  _ over. We're done."  _ He beamed, looking just as dazed as Cody felt.

He couldn't help himself, dipping Obi-Wan as he caved in and kissed him once again.

\-----

Chancellor Palpatine made a contradictory announcement not an hour later. 

The galaxy went up into uproar.

Who did they believe? The army that was fighting for them, or the Chancellor who started the war and kept accumulating power?

The storm hit, and all anyone could hope was that it would eventually blow over.


	12. Obi-Wan Kenobi, Adrenaline Junkie

Cody was  _ furious. _ His barely restrained anger followed him and bled into his grip as he snapped his armor into place. Who the fuck did Palpatine think he was, blatantly lying? The droids were stopped. He kept getting reports of more and more Separatist planets surrendering peacefully. 

Nobody wanted to be touched by war if they didn't have to be. And yet. And  _ yet. _ Palpatine insisted that the war was still going. That he and his brothers made up a lie so they could desert en masse. Cody never wanted to punch a man so badly. And Cody had met Anakin at nineteen and his most bitchy. Skywalker had a very punchable face back then.

He flagged down a trooper, as he marched down towards the hanger bay.

"Sir?"

"If General Kenobi comes looking for me, it's your job to run interference." He instructed flatly.

"Er, sir I don't-" 

"That's an order, soldier. Don't argue with me on this." He shot him a look from the corner of his eye, a little part of him amused at the way the trooper looked like he was on the verge of quaking. Ah, shinies. It'd never get old.

"It's just-" The man started one more time, before seemingly thinking better of it. "Nevermind sir."

"Good man. Dismissed." He nodded, striding away.

As Cody entered the hangar bay, the first thing that registered was the  _ Twilight  _ parked directly in front of him. And then, his brain shortly also took in the three Jedi, and one captain standing in front of it. 

Kriff.

"Ah, Cody. Good to see you. Not planning on sneaking off, now were we?" Obi-Wan cocked an eyebrow at him.

Skywalker nudged the ginger with an elbow, before grinning deviously at Cody. "At least, not without us, right?"

Cody looked pointedly at Ahsoka. "Did you try to talk them down?"

She shrugged in a  _ what can you do _ manner. "I gave it my best shot, but once they make up their minds…"

"Rex?"

His brother cocked his head. "Do you think you're gonna attempt to go off on a such a dumb mission without me at least  _ trying _ to save your ass?"

Okay, well. Touché.

"Plus I've got to-" Rex was interrupted by Anakin stepping into Cody's space.

"If the Chancellor is really corrupt, I should be the one to arrest him." The jedi said, so sure of himself.

Rex pulled a face, mirrored by Ahsoka.

"Uh, master? Are you sure that's a good idea? You've been friends for a while…" She said tentatively.

Skywalker waved her concerns off. "Don't worry Snips, I can take care of myself, I know how to seperate myself from my attachments."

Cody made direct eye contact with Obi-Wan, and they shared a disbelieving look.

"I understand why Obi-Wan's coming now." Cody sighed. "Alright. Fine. You can come, I don't like it, but I obviously have no choice."

"Clearly, especially since we're taking my ship." Anakin said cheerfully, lowering the ramp.

He groaned internally. This was going to be a  _ long _ trip.

\-----

They made it to Coruscant without any issue.

The issue came when they found the blockade around the planet.

With ships lined for klicks either way, it was a solid wall of metal, and weapons. There was no traffic, in or out, the entire planet seemed to be locked down.

Which made getting to the surface that much harder.

A beep on the console indicated an incoming message, and seemingly without thought, Anakin answered it.

_ "State your name and business." _ The low and grating voice of a droid spoke.

"Anakin Skywalker, returning to the Jedi temple." 

_ "That location is unavailable." _

"What? No it's not. I live there, I need to go to the temple." Skywalker's brow furrowed. 

_ "That location is unavailable." _

"Says who?" He argued, not slowing the thrusters, approaching the blockade with worrying speed. 

Cody clutched at the nearest thing that appeared to be bolted down. A quick glance at Rex showed that his brother seemed to see nothing unusual in the proceedings. If anything he seemed… relaxed.

"Cody, I need to talk to you Ori'vod." Oh great. Now his brother was showing that Skywalker brand of insanity at the worst time. The  _ Twilight _ accelerated.

He turned to try and listen to Rex speak, but the blonde was drowned out by an irritated yell from Skywalker, and the sound of a holocall ending suddenly.

"Heads up! We're coming in hot!" Anakin yelled over his shoulder absentmindedly, as he started to dart through the blockade, almost scraping the various ships with the underbelly of the  _ Twilight _ as he tucked into a tight barrel roll.

Oh god. Cody was going to die. And  _ of course _ it would be at the hands of Skywalker. "Obi-Wan, I blame your parenting for this!" He called over the din of alarms, and the ships hull creaking ominously.

"To be fair, I was fairly traumatized at the time!" His husband called back, his voice casual, but his fear betrayed by the way he clutched desperately at the table in front of him, knuckles white and straining. "I really shouldn't have been put in charge of a child!"

Ahsoka looked horrified. "Are you telling me that I was assigned to not one, but  _ two _ fucked up Jedi?"

"LANGUAGE." Echoed through the small space, as every person turned to scold her.

She scrunched up her nose. "We're about to break through a blockade, the jedi temple is obviously under lockdown, but sure, the issue here is me dropping an F bomb."

"Damn right it is!" Rex said firmly. "You have to be eighteen before you can use that kind of language!"

"Rex, you're  _ thirteen _ ."

"So?"

"I give up." She threw her hands up in exasperation.

Anakin leaned over the controls. "Everyone, hold on tight! I'm about to break through the thick of it, and then I have a feeling we're gonna be sustaining some heavy fire!" The thrusters began to rattle as they were pushed to their limits.

Rex wordlessly got up and walked to go man the guns. 

Skywalker wasn't wrong, as soon as they broke out from the last ship, suddenly Cody began to see more green than blue, as the laser fire began to block out the view of the atmosphere.

Anakin began dodging an entire blockades attempts to kill them in a desperate bid to make it to the surface of the planet. The manic laugh he let out didn't reassure anyone, least of all Cody.

The first thing that struck Cody was that they were going to crash.

The next thing to strike him was falling debris.

Damn it. They were all going to die, and there was so much shit he still wanted to do. And he didn't even have the dignity of dying on the battlefield.

With the sound of screeching metal that he dimly registered as the hull being torn apart, he clenched his eyes shut firmly. A wave of heat swept over him,and then stopped abruptly.

Cody cautiously cracked open an eye.

Obi-Wan was looking down at him, amused. "Well, hello there."

"I just saw my life flash before my eyes." He croaked out. "It was kinda disappointing."

"I'm wounded." The ginger played at mock offense.

He rolled his eyes. "How are we not dead?"

"Ahsoka, Anakin and I, used the force to try and slow our descent."

"Well, we're not dead. So. Success?"

"Unless the afterlife looks exactly like a Coruscanti parking garage on fire, yes. Success." Obi-Wan snorted, offering him a hand to stand up. "C'mon dear, if things are as bad as we think theare, the faster we get going, the better."

Getting up, Cody made a paltry attempt to dust off his armor, and then just wrote it off as a lost cause. At least the phase two armor had air filtering.

As they stepped out of the wreckage, Cody looked at the destroyed garage, duracrete was crushed and crumbling, score marks coated the walls, and there were more than a few ships and speeders that had either exploded, been hit, or simply caught on fire.

Whoops.

As Obi-Wan and Cody approached the others, Skywalker lit up, and turned to them. "Alright! I've figured out where we are, roughly, and if we run really fast, we can swing back to the temple, collect a bunch of Jedi, and then make it to the Senate dome to arrest Palpatine before anyone notices we're here!"

"Good plan, except we very visibly crashed into a building, after breaking through the blockade." Rex said dryly.

"Semantics." Anakin flapped a hand at him.

"Those semantics are important, Skywalker." Cody groaned, wishing he had his helmet off so he could massage his temples to try and stave off the inevitable headache this would give him. "They know we're here. An entire force of Jedi will be uh. Very obvious."

"Right but. Like you said, they know we're here. And if the temple is 'restricted' that means the Jedi are probably in trouble." Ahsoka pointed out.

Shit.

"I do hate to say it-" Obi-Wan began, and Cody had a sickening feeling about this. "- but Anakin does have a point. We should split up, Cody and I can go to the Senate dome,  _ just to scout _ ," He clarified as Skywalker went to argue. "And you three should go collect the Jedi, and any of the Coruscant guard you can find."

Rex fidgeted. "Look- I don't think Cody should-"

"Aw, Rex, it's great that you want to protect your brother, but we need to get going." Ahsoka tugged on his arm.

"I-"

"C'mon Rex."

Rex was visibly torn, his body language showing that something was wrong, and the jedi were dragging him away, almost already at the stairs.

"K'oyacyi, vod'ika." Cody called after him. "I mean it!"

Rex tilted his helmet in acknowledgement and gave him a thumbs up, and then a very complicated sign that roughly translated to 'if you die I'll kill you myself' as he was ushered into the stairwell.

"I wonder what he was trying to tell me." He mused aloud.

"Well, we'll find out when we regroup. We need to go perform some surveillance first." Obi-Wan gestured for Cody to go first, down the stairs on the  _ other _ side of the fiery wreckage of the Twilight.

They travelled layers down, before finding the exit that led to the planet's surface. Well, as surface as Coruscant could get. Skyscrapers still towered above them, but the sun was visible and that was as close as they'd get.

Obi-Wan frowned and held a hand out to stop Cody. "Something… something is very wrong here."

"Oh, really?" He asked sarcastically. "Something's wrong? Shocking. Truly, I'm floored."

"Cody- There's no traffic." He whispered.

What might've been considered a miracle on any other day, now served as an incredibly bad omen. If there was no traffic, that meant that people weren't out. And if people weren't out…

Cody ducked on instinct, barely a millisecond after Obi-Wan did, a red blaster bolt whizzing over his head with unnerving precision.

"Great! This is great! Skywalker didn't kill me, so now fate is trying to correct itself!" He hissed, pulling Obi-Wan back into cover of the doorway, knowing better than to peer out and see who their would-be assassin was.

"Darling. Don't be such a drama queen." Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "Do you trust me?"

"What kind of di'kutla question is that?" He scoffed. "With my life."

"Oh good. Glad we're on the same page." The Jedi nodded absentmindedly. "Now, don't let go."

"What?" 

Obi-Wan grabbed his hand, and dragged him over to one of the floor length windows, using the hilt of his lightsaber to shatter the glass. The chasm that loomed directly underneath seemed to promise nothing but an endless fall and certain death. So of course Obi-Wan kept out with no hesitation.

Dragging Cody with him.

Not that he was proud of it, but as they plummeted, he definitely yelled. Screamed. Okay, screamed bloody murder. And then clung to Obi-Wan like a limpet.

When they landed, gently, as if the fall had been only half a foot, instead of miles, Cody disentangled himself, and stepped away. "Divorce. Stars, I'm going to divorce you as soon as we make it out of here."

"Well darling, we have to make it out first." Obi-Wan said cheerfully, looking no worse for wear, the only sign that he'd pulled such a suicidal stunt his wind swept hair. 

It was even quiet on the lower levels, their voices, despite being at a conversational volume, echoed around the buildings near them. It was eerie, and every part of Cody rankled at it. "Where- where is everyone?" He peered around, seeing nothing but street lights that faded into the smog as they went.

"I don't know, and I don't know if I want to find out."

"Hopefully inside." He muttered, as they began to make their way along the buildings, towards the sprawling Senate Dome. They weren't running, per say, or even jogging, but weren't casually walking either. It was a ways away, and they needed to make the best time possible. 

The high whizzing hum of a speeder bike coming from behind them threw Cody's instincts into overdrive and had them both ducking into the closest alleyway. 

His voice dropped into a whisper. "Do you think Palpatine knows we're coming after him?"

"Well, whoever it is, they definitely know  _ someones _ here. And it's not like the Twilight isn't distinctive." Obi-Wan whispered back. "Although, in all likelihood, it probably is our illustrious chancellor. That person on the speeder? They were wearing the red garb of Palpatine's new personal guard."

Cody cursed loudly in his head, starting in basic, and ending in bocce. He pretty much had a rosetta stone of  _ Kriff _ going. "Of course. Of course that's what it is."

The Jedi offered him a small, wry smile. "Of course. We best start going while the coast is clear."

He nodded, and together they set back off, a little more urgency this time. Rigging his HUD to register and alert him to any movement, no matter how small, Cody began to listen carefully for any more vehicles.

They had barely made it a quarter of the way, when his HUD suddenly lit up like a life day tree. And then, from all sides, blaster fire. Obi-Wan's lightsaber deflected most of it, and Cody began to retaliate, when he realized they were cornered. Two hover cars closed in on either end, with them, one of Palpatine's personal guards, and two dozen of the nat born Blue Back senate guards. 

Obi-Wan threw his hand backwards, and the door they were backed against suddenly unlocked and swung open. Wasting no time, Cody darted in, responding in kind to the shots taken at him. He felt some grim satisfaction as he knocked two off, no Jedi to slow their falls.

The family who were silently eating dinner, stared at them with wide shocked eyes as Obi-Wan latched the door behind them. "Oh my." The Jedi said mildly.

"Is the lockdown over, Mister Jedi?" Squeaked out one of the Rodians.

"Ah, no. Erm, if I were you, I'd go shelter in a room furthest from this door." Obi-Wan called over his shoulder, as he rocketed up the stairs, Cody hot on his tail.

The clattering of dishes and silverware combined with the sound of a door being broken down as they found the fire escape on the back and kept going up. Seven floors later, Obi-Wan grabbed his hand, and Cody sighed in resignation.

They lept to the rooftop of the next building. And the next. And the one after that. And then they went through an open window, and down.

"Scuse me ma'am." Cody said politely, as he weaved around the woman holding a pie fresh out of the oven, her features slack in disbelief. "Smells great."

Four levels down, A city block over. Eight up, into a different neighborhood. It was a good thing Obi-Wan had the force. Because this couldn't be explained simply as knowing the city, because Cody had a sneaking suspicion that even Fox would get turned around. 

More engines behind them as they went, the thrumming just becoming something they needed to outrun. Cody barely had time to fire at their pursuants, instead choosing to concentrate on not tripping and then plummeting to his death. It would certainly be a bummer way to go.

Obi-Wan let out a high, brilliant laugh, and did a flip on their next jump. "I haven't had this much fun in  _ years!" _

"You are  _ not _ planning our honeymoon then!" Cody yelled at him. "You're a demented, insane, near  _ suicidal  _ bastard and I can't believe I love you!"

"You have no concept of living for the thrill!" Obi-Wan grabbed him by the waist, and they plummeted down at least a dozen levels.

They landed, and immediately sprang back into their dead sprint. Cody could see the skybridges, and in the deep distance, the hazy outline of the bowels of the Dome. "Oh no, I enjoy a good thrill, just like anyone. You're just a banthashit  _ adrenaline junkie!" _

Smartly, Obi-Wan didn't respond to his (completely true, and justified) accusation, instead just laughing that full body laugh that always left Cody feeling a little weak in the knees. Which wasn't helping. He needed those knees if he wanted to live past the next hour.

Cody cursed as a blaster bolt clipped his shoulder. "Damnit- they keep finding us- It's like they've lowjacked us somehow."

"Well, we just need to make sure we're faster." Obi-Wan said casually, maneuvering their fall so they landed at the entrance of a maintenance garage, the corrugated metal door raising easily with an egregious application of the force. Not that he was complaining, every second counting.

They darted through the workshop, before pausing at a speeder. A ticket declaring it had received a green light on it's smog check tucked into the windshield. Cody looked at Obi-Wan and shrugged. The Jedi shrugged back, spending a precious moment to find the keys, and opened up the hangar door that led out into the street, tearing off, ticket left fluttering helplessly as it was blown off.

"Now this is more like it!" Cody crowed, turning around in his seat, leveling his blaster and aiming for the fuel intakes of the pursuing vehicles. The riotous sound of an explosion let him know he'd hit his mark, and a pleased grin split across his face. His HUD guided his aim up, where a similar speeder was matching them a few levels up. "When I say, punch it as hard as you can."

"That implies I'm not already going full speed."

"I'm sure you can do something with the force." He shot back, as he pulled a droid poppers out of one of the pouches on his hip, and sent a tiny prayer that it would find its target.

"That's not how the force works." Came the annoyed retort, but Cody cared a lot more about what he was doing.

" _ Now!" _ He called, and Obi-Wan must've done  _ something _ , because they pulled ahead by a few yards, and that was all he needed. With all the practice he'd gotten throwing things at his brothers to test their reflexes, the popper made a perfect arc and landed right on the hood. It beeped once, and sent the speeder in as many directions as there were.

They were far enough away that the debris didn't get in their way, but it did cause some problems for their unwanted tails, fragments of metal impaling things that either were important, or important for driving. Somebody screamed, and if it weren't for the chaos all around, the distinct sound of losing an arm would've been clearly heard.

Cody could see the gleaming lights of the Senate straight ahead, its underbelly narrowing into a dramatic point, red lights blinking in sedate fashion, to alert pilots to proximity. "We're almost-" He spoke too soon, as suddenly, their engine began to sputter.

"Well. Maybe it didn't actually pass it's diagnostics check." Obi-Wan noted, a wry twist to his lips. 

"Jump?" He asked, resigned.

"Jump." Obi-Wan nodded, standing on his seat and grasping his arm firmly, stepping back, and falling like a stone to the skybridge below. The fall was a little jarring, and Cody shot a concerned glance at the ginger. Obi-Wan, either feeling him in the force, or knowing his mannerisms well enough huffed out a little laugh as they made a mad dash towards the entrance that was so  _ tantalizingly close. _ "I'm fine, don't worry about me."

"Good, because you fainting from exhaustion would really put a damper on this whole 'running for our lives' thing." He teased.

Exchanging fire with the stragglers that had kept up with them, was becoming a tedious chore. It took almost no effort to down over half of them in seconds. Really, Cody would have expected better.

Obi-Wan's lightsaber snapped and hissed to life as they reached the platform that led right to the elaborate doors. In-between them, and their goal, stood a small army.

Cody kicked himself, he shouldn't have tempted the universe with his derision.

"Strategy Aurek-Senth 28?" Obi-Wan asked, deceptively nonchalant.

"I go right, you go left, meet in the middle?" He clarified.

"Sounds good."

Cody grinned, and twirled his blasters. Oh, this was going to be fun.

Obi-Wan signaled, and then launched into the fray, blue blade whirling quicker that Cody could follow, as he lay waste to their opposition, aiming for the places he knew weren't protected by armor underneath the elaborate and heavy robes that made the Senate guard look like glorified draperies.

It took almost no work to fell twenty of them, before he even had to switch out his charge packs.  _ Pathetic. _ One of the red ones caught his eye, and they activated a vibro stave. Now  _ here _ was going to be a challenge. Excellent.

He shot the three that were trying to surround him, and then sent a shot at the red ones head, which the guard easily deflected. Cody began to charge, when the guard was split neatly from shoulder to hip by a glowing blue blade.

Cody lowered his blasters and sagged his posture. "Aw come on. You never let me have any fun." He complained, barely lifting his wrist to shoot one of the stragglers who was reaching for their pistol.

"I'm sorry dear, I'll leave you more next time." Obi-Wan sighed, using the red guards hand to unlock the biometric scanner at the entrance.

"Thank you. Appreciate it." He snorted, stepping over fallen forms, and into the lobby.

Cody stared balefully at the elevators, and the stairwell next to them. "Do you think it's too much to hope that the elevators are still in service?"

The Jedi walked over and pressed the 'up' button, but nothing lit up. He turned and smiled deviously at Cody. "Looks like it's the stairs for us."

Cody groaned. Loudly.

\-----

Cody leaned against the exit of the stairwell, embarrassingly out of breath. "I. Hate. Stairs."

Obi-Wan, looking a little disheveled himself patted his pauldron in sympathy. "I don't think anyone would fault us a moment to collect ourselves."

"I'm pretty sure this fern won't tell on us." Cody gestured at the large plant near him.

"I don't know about that. The living force is fairly chatty." Obi-Wan hummed, straight faced.

"You're messing with me." Cody said flatly.

The Jedi cracked. "Of course I am."

"Divorce is still an option I'm considering."

"Cody!" He looked scandalized.

"I'm joking, I'm joking." Cody reassured, waiting until Obi-Wan looked less like a bristly tooka to drop the next bit. "Technically, it'd be an annulment."

"Well now  _ I'm  _ thinking about divorce." Obi-Wan scoffed.

Cody snickered at that, and unclasped his helmet. He used the palm of his hand to wipe the sweat from his forehead, letting out a steady breath.

Obi-Wan leaned over the secretaries desk that was next to them, and let out a noise of satisfaction. The sound of rubber resealing, and he popped up with two miniature water bottles in his hand. "Ah! A successful retrieval mission."

"And what danger did you rescue them from?" He raised an eyebrow, as he took the proffered one. The cap twisted off with a satisfying  _ click _ and he sipped it slowly to avoid cramping.

"The perilous minifridge, and it's infinite danger." Obi-Wan took the same approach, and they finished them over a few minutes, placing the empty bottles in the disposal chute.

"We should get going." He sighed, eyeing the stairwell that would take them to the senatorial offices with disdain.

Obi-Wan looked disgruntled at the prospect, but smoothed it over into his usual Jedi calm. "Kiss for good luck?"

"Weak excuse." Cody snorted, leaning in anyway and pecking his lips. 

Obi-Wan brought his hand up to touch his bottom lip, and raised an eyebrow. "Weak excuse for a kiss." 

Cody put his helmet back on, and resealed it. "You want more? Then you've got to wait till we arrest this son of a rancor."

"Hm. I'll keep it in mind." He pulled his lightsaber off his belt, and held it loosely in his hand.

They started up the stairs, and on every level, it was deathly quiet. And every office window they peered into was filled with quaking senators.

Obi-Wan found the office for Alderaan and opened it with the force. Cody could hear muffled shrieks of panic from inside, that were quickly reined in as they stepped into the room.

"Master Kenobi?" Bail Organa asked, from where he'd been sitting at his desk, head in his hands. Cody had never heard the man so defeated.

"Bail, my dear friend, what on earth is happening?" He asked gently, trying not to startle any of the visibly shell shocked senators.

"The chancellor- He. Well, he got your announcement, Commander." Bail looked at Cody, a tired amusement around his eyes. "And then lightning started erupting out of him."

"The- Palpatine is the Sith Master?" Obi-Wan gasped, looking shell shocked.

"I can't think of anything else he could be." Bail laughed bitterly. "He did declare himself Emperor after all, and then lock down the entire planet."

All their worst fears confirmed. Cody felt his stomach sink to the core of the planet. "How close is Anakin?"

"I can comm him-"

Bail moved quicker than he would have expected. "No! Palpatine will track the signal and know you're here!"

"Bail, we don't exactly have the element of surprise…"

"Any amount is better than nothing." Senator Organa sounded like he was moments away from crying. "Please, Obi-Wan, my dear friend, please stop him."

"I'll do what I can. Cody, the longer we wait, the riskier this gets." He turned his attention, and Cody saw the cold steel in the gaze.

They were either going to win, or die trying.

He sighed, lifted his blasters, and made sure they had full charge packs in them. "Well, risky is my middle name."

Obi-Wan cracked a baleful smile, and they nodded at the senators that filled the room. "Do you know where he is?"

"My guess is the Senate floor, that's where we all fled from, and we haven't heard any activity since." The Senator from Corellia offered. "Good luck Master Jedi. Commander."

"May the force be with you, Obi-Wan." Bail offered softly.

"May the force be with us all." 

\-----

Cody stared at the door, that most likely, would lead to his death. And he'd had such good luck today on that front.

Obi-Wan reached over, and grabbed his hand, squeezing it once before dropping it and opening the doors with a flourish.

They stepped into one of the pods, which one, Cody couldn't be sure, and looked at the figure sitting serenely in the middle.

Now, Cody was by no means force sensitive, but even he could feel the pure  _ malice _ radiating off the man. 

"General Kenobi… and, ah, our darling little Commander Cody. You've absolutely destroyed my plans, don't you know?" The voice came from under the hood, and despite the volume and ease it was spoken, echoed all around as if it had been yelled by an entire battalion.

"Chancellor Palpatine. We're here to place you under arrest. If you go quietly, we can make this simple." Obi-Wan announced to the figure.

The mad cackle that boomed around them answered that.

Well. Cody had never done diplomacy very well. "Sheev Brian Palpatine, you have some explaining to do!" Cody called up to the Sith Lord.

Palpatine grinned down at him. "Why don't we start with this? Commander Cody,  _ execute order 66." _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even remotely sorry.


	13. you are the dancing queen, young and sweet, let's kill palpatine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you, for fueling me by yelling at me in comments. I truly understand the phrase 'unlimited power' now.

Order 66.

For a brief moment, he kinda wanted to shoot Obi-Wan, but the feeling passed, like it usually did.

"Wait. What?" Cody blinked at Palpatine. "Execute  _ what?  _ Buddy, we came here to arrest, and if necessary, execute _ you." _

It was pretty satisfying to see the chancellor draw back in shock, his features twisting into a caricature of surprise. "What- No! This is _impossible!_ _Execute order 66!"_

Cody had a sinking feeling, and flicked his eyes to the corner of his HUD, and started streaming to the holonet. In the second that he moved his vision, the headache was back. "Sheevy, I have no clue what you're talking about."

Obi-Wan looked between the two of them, face scrunched up in confusion. He brought a hand up to his chest and signaled to Cody that he was going to sneak to the other side.

"The chips! You are  _ programmed to respond to my commands!" _ Palpatine snarled. "You were  _ supposed to kill these pesky Jedi!" _

Kenobi silently dropped down to the pod underneath them.

Cody smacked his forehead. "Oh!  _ That's  _ what Rex was trying to tell me!"

"Insolent clone-!" 

"Hey now, that's insubordination." Cody scolded, wagging a finger at him, eyes flicking over to where Obi-Wan was using senatorial pods as stepping Stones, steadily going across and up. "Don't you know? I outrank you, Sheevy."

It was  _ incredibly _ amusing to hear Palpatine sputter in indignation. "It-" The scowl was visible from under the hood, the sickly yellow eyes gleaming in the low light. "- I don't need your input. It seems that if you want a job done, you simply must do it yourself."

And then he shot lightning right at Cody.

Which, was number one, unexpected, and two, hurt like a  _ motherfucker. _

His body seized and his HUD shorted out in moments.  _ Hopefully _ , he thought wryly,  _ that was enough evidence to argue that it was self defense. _

As soon as the aftershocks stopped wracking his body, he threw himself to the ground of the pod, raising a hand up to blindly slap at the controls. Cody considered it a success when he started moving. 

To be fair though, the headache was gone now. Which he realized, probably attributed to the chip, and then the lightning shorting it out.

The snap-hiss of a lightsaber igniting was comforting until it was followed by a second snap-hiss.

Cody could, with ninety five percent confidence, be certain that Obi-Wan only had the one lightsaber. 

Which made splitting Palpatine's attention that much more crucial. Because now the guy had a laser sword.

He unlatched his helmet, whipping it off his head and setting the useless plastoid aside. Without his HUD functioning, it was more a hindrance than a help, and the protection it offered meant absolutely nothing to a lightsaber.

Grabbing the edge of the pod, trusting Obi-Wan to provide enough distraction, he swung himself out, and onto the next one, taking a potshot at the Sith.

It missed, but that wasn't the point.

_ "You."  _ Palpatine snarled, turning his head to fix Cody with a glare that put Terror to shame.

Obi-Wan used the momentary lapse in attention to swing his lightsaber down, Palpatine barely bringing his own up in time, a clash of red and blue, sending sparks flying.

"Me!" He grinned, knowing he probably looked at least as manic and disheveled as he felt. "Brian, it's going to be such a blast taking you down."

_ "Don't call me that!"  _ The Sith Lord roared at him, sending Cody flying with an outstretched hand, and an egregious application of the force.

Now he was just making it too easy. Sure, he had the wind knocked out of him, but as soon as his feet touched solid ground, Cody began scrambling to a high vantage point.

Obi-Wan swung his blade up in an arc, which Palpatine parried with ease and a flick of his wrist.

The Jedi planted his feet into a soresu stance, clearly planning to hold his ground for as long as possible. His blade flicked out to the side, tapping near the hilt of Palpatine's, pushing it away from it's trajectory towards his chest. The blue blade snapped back across his chest, bathing Obi-Wan in harsh contrasts of bright blue and sickly red.

"If you surrender now, I will make your death painless, Kenobi, no matter how much I want to see you suffer. All this work I put into my future apprentice and  _ you-"  _ Palpatine slashed towards Obi-Wan's shoulder, only to be halted by an upwards strike that twirled his lightsaber away from it's target.  _ "You  _ undo my hard work with a handful of words. It's such a pain in my ass to convince Skywalker that you resent him!"

Obi-Wan ducked an errant swing, and sent a blow toward Palpatine's midsection, only to be faced with a quick strike at his upper thigh which he had to rapidly change his trajectory to block.

Cody could see from where he was that Obi-Wan was tiring, and if he did nothing, would soon be over powered.

"Oh- so I was right." Obi-Wan said through gritted teeth. "You're the reason why he's been pulling away from me." He spun quickly, sidestepping a blow meant to separate his head from his shoulders.

"I only had to point out the little things. He drew his own conclusions." Palpatine cackled, switching his grip to two handed, beginning to hack and slash at Obi-Wan's defenses.

Cody sunk down where he was, and leaned against the rounded corner, fitting himself where he'd have the most protection, and propped his blaster up on the lip of the pod.

He squinted, and cursed himself for not having a scope on him.

Palpatine had clearly forgotten about him, with the way he startled when he heard the blaster bolt whizzing past his head. 

His lightsaber came up in a defensive guard against more fire, giving Obi-Wan the opening he needed to try and drive his blade home.

Except Palpatine anticipated that, and swung his blade around, grazing against Obi-Wan's throat as the Jedi flung himself backwards.

Kark. 

As Obi-Wan found himself backed up against the railing, lightsaber bearing down on him, barely parrying the blows, Cody found Palpatine's full attention on him.

One hand dropped from the hilt of the red saber, and extended towards him. 

His weight dropped away from him, stomach plummeting, as he was lifted like a ragdoll. 

Instead of throwing him against a wall, Palpatine threw him  _ down. _

Cody felt his heart rise in his throat, and figured it was probably somewhere near his ears at this point. Wryly, he realized that his helmet might've prevented him from dying.

Honestly, it was a real shame that he'd never get around to that honeymoon.

It felt like an eternity, but was probably less than a second when Cody hit something, and felt something  _ snap. _

He bit through his lip, refusing to give Palpatine the pleasure of hearing him scream his pain, before his vision got hot and began to white out around the edges.

Cody got one more breath in before he passed out.

\-----

Obi-wan spared a precious second to watch in disbelief as Cody plummeted, futilely stretching a hand out to try and slow his descent, before having to turn back to block the overhead blow that went to take his arm off at the shoulder.

"Poor little Jedi. I can feel your despair from here." Palpatine cooed, parrying until their blades locked. "And it feels like  _ victory." _ He sneered, unlocking his blade and stepping back in one fluid motion, easily avoiding the hasty stab Obi-Wan took at him.

Obi-Wan grit his teeth, and ignored the sheer agony that felt like it was rending him from the inside out, and swore that this ended here, whether or not he won.

Only one of them was leaving alive.

But he was flagging, he could feel his reaction time slowing rapidly. Blow after blow, the flurry was becoming exhausting, the smell of singed hair baking itself into his nose.

His senses so dulled, and focused to a point, he couldn't even reach out and find out if Cody was dead or alive.

He feared the worst.

Obi-Wan let out the steadiest breath he could, and kept blocking, his defense stuttering.

Palpatine stepped in and flicked his wrist, sending Obi-Wan's lightsaber flying over the edge, the blade shorting out and the metal clinking on its way down.

His hand grasped involuntarily around air, as if even his body couldn't comprehend what certainly would come next.

The sharp light of the red saber was coming toward him, and Obi-Wan squeezed his eyes tightly, accepting his fate.

And then nothing happened.

He tentatively cracked an eye open, and saw the Sith Lord's face go slack in disbelief as a brilliant blue blade stuck itself through his heart.

\-----

Cody panted raggedly, and depressed the button on the lightsaber, watching as Palpatine's body slid to the floor, lifeless.

Obi-Wan, who was scant inches from the corpse, backed up against the side of the pod, started to laugh. The ginger reached up and touched his throat, where a lightsaber had been moments ago, red and angry from the proximity to the heat. "Well, this is a relief, I thought you were dead, my dear."

"That would certainly put a damper on this whole affair." He wheezed, the effort of talking sending a rush of pain radiating from his side . Cody pushed the body to the side with his foot, until it was crammed in a corner as far away as he could get it. He promptly collapsed in a heap, head spinning.

"Cody?"

"Ah- I might've punctured a lung, I think." He groaned, feeling his chest ache with every breath. "I  _ definitely _ broke almost all of my ribs."

"Aren't we the pair?" Obi-Wan leant his head back against the durasteel, closing his eyes in exhaustion. "Terror is going to be  _ oh so pleased _ to see us."

Cody was no longer glad to have made it out alive. "I changed my mind. We should make a break for it while the adrenaline is still keeping me from dying."

Obi-Wan cracked a smile, and an eye open. "You're cute, thinking you can outrun our medic."

Cody snorted, and regretted it immediately, when the agony stole the little breath he had left. "For once- maybe I shouldn't."

Obi-Wan seemed to snap out of whatever stupor he seemed to have been in, immediately awake and alert. He scrambled for his commlink, only to find that it was fried. "I do hope Anakin shows up soon. If you die now, I'll be quite miffed at you."

"I wouldn't die now." He mumbled, fighting to ignore the black spots at the edge of his vision. "We haven't gotten to our honeymoon yet. This  _ certainly  _ doesn't count."

Obi-Wan's head shot up like a bullet as the doors all around them slammed open. "Speak of the devil."

"Master! We made it- I got most of the guard too!" Anakin called, hands cupped around his mouth. "Where's Palpatine?"

"Oh good… the calvarys here. Coulda used em a while back." Cody rolled his eyes. He felt himself starting to slump over, his breathing sluggish and painful, vision narrowing to pinpricks.

"Cody? Cody!" Obi-Wan started to sound distant. Had he gotten taller, or had Cody gotten shorter? "Cody Kenobi- you stay awake! Hey! Gar vaabir ash'amur bat ni!"

Obi-Wan really shouldn't sound so panicked. It wasn't a great look on him. Cody blacked out, and the world went still.

\-----

Cody blinked awake, only to have his vision absolutely filled with his medics scowling face.

"How kind of you to finally join the land of the living again." Terror snapped out.

He tried to say something, only to be fixed with a glare that could kill a mynock. He shut his mouth quickly.

Terror moved out of his line of sight, but he could hear the medic pacing. "I am so incredibly upset with you. You're so stupid."

Which. Okay, fair.

"I let you off my ship, and don't even start, you are Officially Demoted, and your dumbass husband is too, so it's  _ my _ ship now, and you went and tried to kill  _ the single most influential and powerful person in the galaxy. _ Not to mention that, apparently, he was a  _ Sith kriffing Lord."  _ Terror began to rant, "Did you not even  _ think _ about back up? Because, newflash, idiot. You're the commander, of an  _ entire _ battalion who were riding high on the end of the war! We would've absolutely came with you!"

  
  


"And, oh and," he leaned back over him. "You're a dumbshit motherfucker who apparently went on a wild, and high speed chase through Coruscant, and then, while likely winded, and exhausted, went to confront, what was it? Oh yeah. A  _ Sith Lord!" _

Cody held up the sign for 'apology'.

Terror smacked his hand back down. "Shut up, I'm not done yelling at you yet. You fractured four ribs, and then broke six more. And! And! You had a collapsed lung! From, guess what? Where one of your ribs punctured it! Because, apparently, you fell seven stories which, should have killed you, but no. You son of a bitch, you blacked out from the pain, woke up at some point, climbed  _ back up, _ which exasperated your injuries, including an absolutely shattered ankle, and then used a lightsaber to kill Palpatine! Which good job, but.  _ Come on!" _

Cody watched, mildly impressed as Terror sat down, and caught his breath. 

"Okay. I'm done. If I think of anything else I'll tell you." He groaned. "Seriously, when Skywalker brought you and Kenobi in, I thought we'd be having a pyre."

"Sorry for worrying you." He croaked, throat aching and scratchy.

Terror wordlessly handed him a flimsi cup full of water. Cody took it gratefully and gulped it down, letting his head fall back and hit the pillow.

"Where's Ob- General Kenobi. Where's General Kenobi?" He asked, the water bringing both feeling back to his tounge, and the realization that it tasted like a womprat had died in his mouth.

"Well. Not a general, anymore. Army is temporarily disbanded, at the moment. But about where he is, I had to kick him out of your room. If you'd woken up twenty minutes earlier, you would've had the honor of seeing me put him in his place."

Cody winced. "You gave him a real dressing down, huh?"

The grin that split Terror's face was a touch maniacal. "Oh, yeah."

"So. GAR in shambles?" 

"Yep."

"Jedi council scrambling to answer public outcry?"

"Absolutely."

"And, just to get an idea here, exactly  _ how  _ mad is the Galaxy at me as of right now?"

"Well, a mob hasn't formed quite yet. The holonet sliced some footage, and compiled your helmets feed together with some of the Senate security cams, and they can't decide whether your battle was 'lame and over too quickly' or a 'suprise badass comeback'." 

"So if I wanted to go find Obi-Wan, he'd be in the Jedi temple, yeah?"

"Mhm."

"... Can I go?" He asked hopefully.

"Not on your fucking life, Cody." Terror snorted, patting his forehead.

Cody gave into the childish urge, and stuck his tongue out at the medic.

He should've expected the sedative tablet that was promptly placed in his mouth.

"Alright Commander. Start healing, so that Kenobi stops bothering me at work." Terror instructed, standing back up, peeling off his gloves, his eyes focused on the next patient.

Rolling his eyes, Cody grudgingly let himself sink back into the warm, dark embrace of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> people who can write lightsaber battles are stronger than I am. Because. Woof. That was way hard.


	14. The Final Chapter (doo doo Doo Doo)

Cody folded his hands underneath his chin and leaned against the edge of the Senate pod, where just a week ago he'd killed Darth Sideous and plunged the Republic, and strangely enough, the Separatists into a frenzied scramble for stability.

The first few days it was amusing, but then it just got irritating. Obi-Wan was in meetings seemingly every second of the day, and it was only by the grace of Terror that Cody wasn't swamped with them as well.

The medic had been furious when the Senate had demanded his presence at what appeared to be the precursor to a trial. Which was really just a ton of self-important people arguing just to be heard. Boring. Yet here he was, sitting pretty, and wishing he was in the pod across the dome with Obi-Wan. Terror had tried to insist that he holocall in, but he was overridden.

Instead he was with a coalition of high ranking natborn officers, and Fox. Fox, who was dressed tidily in his grays, caught his eye from the other side of the pod, and made a face at him, cheeks puffed out like a space chipmunk.

He crossed his eyes and wrinkled his nose back at his brother. Fox snorted, turning back to the proceedings, and doing a damn good job of feigning interest. Cody slouched a little further, before his ribs made their displeasure clear, and he had to sit back up properly.

"This would all go so much smoother if we had a Chancellor appointed, interim or not! We should just pick the next in line," Whoever was speaking, complained. "I simply don't see the problem!"

Someone fired back, practically before the first person had stopped speaking. "With the corruption in the previous cabinet? They're all suspect, and can't be trusted not to interfere!"

"That's just speculation! There hasn't been a trial!"

_ "Speculation? _ We have visual footage, and physical proof that the Chancellor was a Sith Lord manipulating both sides of the war! Why wouldn't his cabinet be rife with corruption?"

"Well- innocent until proven guilty!"

"How dare you-"

"I know my politics-"

The following argument was irritating, and just seemed to be the senators airing personal grievances they had with each other. Cody pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing out in an exasperated huff. His datapad pinged.

_ Foxter: should i mass drop the files i accumulated _

_ Foxter: Because if I hear Tawe and Euilop argue any longer I'm gonna pull the fire alarm _

Cody whipped his head around to see the shit eating grin on Fox's face, the sly bastard. The pandemonium that would erupt with the corruption Fox's files would uncover would be the perfect cause to call a recess, and delay his testimony by at least a few days. He signed for  _ 'Plan. Go.' _

Soon enough, it got quiet as thousands of commlinks and datapads received a ping, and as the recipients opened them.

The resulting chaos was nothing short of  _ incredible. _

Despite the speaker in the center's best attempt, it took close to fifteen minutes for the outrage to die down. The nervous looking Rodian stood up, and announced, "Due to, uh, recent developments, we will break for a two hour recess, and then, to account for the new reason for urgency, call the witness, known as Marshall Commander Cody, to the podium."

_ For fucks sake. _

\-----

"Please state your name for the record."

"Cody."

"Er, no surname?"

For a second, he was tempted to say Kenobi, just to see what would happen. Instead he settled for the simple answer, "No. I do not have a legal surname."

The Rodian, Lans Neewoba, he'd learned, nodded. Cody felt a surprising degree of sympathy for the poor man. He'd previously been Coruscant's Senate  _ aide _ . The sudden promotion with such high stakes must've been nerve-wracking, having to oversee the trial of the century in the Chancellor's place.

"Your rank, please?"

"Which one?" Cody bit back a smile. "Because, it's quite a few."

"Highest rank, please."

"Defense Secretary if we're still at war, Marshall Commander if we're not."

"So, Marshall Commander Cody, of the Grand Army of the Republic, correct?"

"That is correct."

"And do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"

"I swear it."

"Excellent." Neewoba sighed. "The Senate has provided me a list of questions that they have deemed crucial in the trial of Sheev Palpatine. Please answer to the best of your ability, under oath."

Cody folded his hands awkwardly on top of the pod, unused to sitting and not at attention.

"Where were you on this previous Taungsday at 09:37 standard?"

"I was present in this dome."

"Did you see former Chancellor Sheev Palpatine, at this time and location?"

Ah, the tedium of the legal system. "I did."

For the next forty minutes, it was the same dance. Were you here. What did you see. Can you positively identify. Who struck first. Is the footage on the holonet real. Over and over, worded differently, as if to try and trip him up.

"Can you confirm that former Chancellor Sheev Palpatine, was the man also known as Darth Lord Sideous?" Even Neewoba seemed bored.

"I can, with absolute certainty confirm that."

"Forgive me, but can you go into more detail about that?"

"He seemed quite insistent that I not call him Brian." Cody smiled slightly. "Which was our, ahem,  _ illustrious _ Chancellor's middle name."

Neewoba's snout twitched. "Ah, thank you."

It took them four hours to decide that it was  _ plausible _ that Palpatine had been the Sith Lord, and that the investigation should be turned over to the Jedi.

As Cody was about to be dismissed from the stand, the speaker from before, the one who had been adamant about a new chancellor pulled his pod out and began speaking yet again. "My fellow senators! We are still out a Chancellor! We have determined the guilt of a dead man, and we are no closer to functioning again! We need an interim Chancellor, at the least!"

Cody turned to the aide-turned-speaker. "Since I'm already up here, may I suggest a candidate?"

The murmur of surprised whispers raced throughout the room, becoming a riot of sound. 

Cody straightened his shoulders imperceptibly. “Instead of appointing an interim chancellor, I suggest we vote for an appointment for a full term chancellor.”

The room lit up with noise, as multiple people shouted out candidates, affirmatives and denials. Neewoba held his hand up, and it slowly fell back down to the low hum it normally was at.

As Cody stood in the senatorial pod, he began to hear murmurs around him. Specifically about him.

"Well, if he was able to so competently end the war, surely he'd make an excellent chancellor…"

"He just seems so trustworthy. He saved us from the sith!" A tall devaronian exclaimed.

"Chancellor Cody has a nice ring to it." Someone in the pod over posited.

No. Absolutely not. No fucking way was that going to happen. Cody decided to double down on his first instinct. 

He cleared his throat and started speaking “I nominate a man who has served this Senate with his entire being, and more. A man who has been _ nothing _ but loyal to this republic, and it's people. Someone who, as we all realized a few hours ago, has been doing most of the late Chancellor's paperwork. A man who knows the ins and outs of the legal system, and knows this city better than the back of his own hand."

He paused, seeing his brother's head shoot up with fury in his eyes. Fox mouthed the words 'Don't you fucking dare.' at him. Cody repressed a snicker, and started again. "Someone who most of you have at least seen, if not met. Senators, I nominate Commander Fox of the Coruscant Guard.”

The Senate erupted into chaos. Fox buried his face in his hands.

Lans Neewoba sighed, and leaned back into his mic. "The Senate moves to hold an emergency voting session, for election of a full term Chancellor, starting with proposed candidate, Commander Fox."

\-----

Fox stalked up to Cody, a crazed look in his eyes. “Cody. Vod. Hey buddy? I'm gonna fucking kill you.” He jammed his finger into his chest. “ _ Chancellor? _ Of the  _ Republic?! _ ”

“I just suggested you. You can thank the Senate for that 87% vote electing you.” Cody said, smirking at him.

“My first act as Chancellor is going to be throwing you off a very tall building.” Fox's eye twitched. “And demoting you. Forever. You're gonna be scrubbing latrines until you die.”

"Unfortunate, seeing as  _ technically _ the army doesn't exist anymore. My rank holds no meaning. Can't really demote me, Fox'ika." Cody snorted.

"What fucking possesed you to nominate me for a position that I, very clearly,  _ do not want?"  _

"I didn't want them electing  _ me _ ." He shrugged, grinning at his brother. "You were an easy target."

Fox gaped. "You asshole. Murder is too good for you."

"Hey, at least you don't have to worry about redeployment? And you can make sure we're considered full citizens."

Fox stared at him blankly, "Oh fuck. I'm going to have to restructure this Republic from the ground up. And negotiate either a proper secession, or a reintegration with the C.I.S. What have you  _ done?" _

Cody patted his shoulder sympathetically. "Alright, I'll comm Stone while you have your breakdown. I'm going to go find my husband."

"I am going to kill you," Fox shouted after him "And then pardon myself!"

\-----

Obi-Wan was surrounded by a gaggle of reporters, and looked as tired as Cody felt. "Yes, I was there. No, I did not kill Palpatine. Yes it was my lightsaber. Yes I-" He answered as if by rote.

Cody pushed his way through the crowd, ignoring the protests of the people hounding Obi-Wan. "Scuse me, the gen- the Master Jedi is needed right now, sir we have to leave immediately."

Clearly taking the out for what it was, Obi-Wan straightened up. "Yes, thank you Cody, I appreciate you coming to fetch me. Well, I must be off, thank you gentlebeings for your time," He strode through the rest of the crowd, and through the gap that Cody had parted. "Shall we?"

Cody snorted, and offered his arm in jest, a warm feeling blooming in his stomach as his husband took it nonetheless. 

As soon as they were out of the halls, and tucked away into an empty meeting room, Obi-Wan dropped his composure. "What an ordeal this day has been."

"Oh,  _ you're _ complaining?" He snorted, stepping in closer, and pulling him against his chest gingerly. "You're not the one they were interrogating up there."

Obi-Wan rested his head on his shoulder, leaning into the embrace. "Just this whole thing. Master Jedi this, Master Jedi that. I haven't seen you properly in a week."

"Without Terror as a chaperone, you mean." He chuckled, holding him tighter.

"Ha, yes. Which, careful of your ribs dear." The jedi chided lightly.

"I'm being careful." He grumbled.

"Mhm. Sure you are. Because you're always so careful about your health." Obi-Wan rolled his eyes.

Cody lightly flicked the shell of his ear. "Hypocrite." 

"Hush. So. Fox as Chancellor, hm?" The ginger batted his hand away.

"He'll be good at it. He's always had a head for politics." He shrugged.

"He might be good at it, that doesn't mean he'll forgive you anytime soon."

"Fox will be fine. He's just a drama king who's already been doing the work. This time he just gets the recognition too." 

"Hm."

"Don't you 'hm' me, Kenobi." 

Obi-Wan pulled away with a laugh, pulling him into a soft kiss. "I won't, Kenobi." 

"Y'know, I almost gave that as my last name up on the stand." He smiled softly at him.

"Yes, I noticed that clever little 'no legal surname' trick you pulled there." Obi-Wan chuckled, bringing his hands up and fixing his (heavily starched) collar.

"I wouldn't want to get you in trouble with that council of yours." Cody murmured fondly. "Be a shame if after all this they kicked you out of the order."

"Oh don't worry, I have a plan already." Obi-Wan waved a hand dismissively.

Cody blinked. "That's very ominous. Obi-Wan, that's  _ incredibly  _ ominous. What if your plan backfires? What  _ is _ your plan?"

"That is need to know, darling," Obi-Wan shrugged. "And at this point, the council doesn't even faze me. If they declare it's attachment, what are they going to do? Kick me out? Tell me I can't use the force? Say I can't help people anymore? If this war has taught me anything it's that being a Jedi is far more than just the order."

"Very eloquent. I'm still worried."

"Not to mention I hear the temple on Jedha is quite nice."

_ "Obi-Wan!" _

\-----

Obi-Wan stared dead eyed at the rest of the high council, as he handed them thick cream envelopes, embossed carefully with gold. Cody had a flashback to when the IRS had mailed him.

The high council as a group opened and read the contents, and Cody noticed with a sinking sensation that there was a variety of surprise, resignation, and exasperation on each member's face.

"Hm. Wedding invitation, seems this is." Yoda held it between his fingers, tilting his head curiously at Obi-Wan.

_ Giving the Jedi council wedding invitations was not a fucking plan. _

"How astute, master. Yes. I'd like you all to attend our formal wedding ceremony." Obi-Wan said dryly.

"Formal ceremony? Are you implying you've had an informal ceremony?" Mace Windu leaned forward intently, invite sitting on his knee.

"Oh yes, Cody and I got married on Nalisjan, during our mission."

"By who?" Plo asked, "And how should I RSVP?"

"Captain Rex was kind enough to marry us, and just letting me know is fine." Obi-Wan smiled at Plo. "It's not going to be anything too extravagant."

Cody died a little inside. Would it have killed Obi-Wan to warn him before pulling a stunt like that? It really was a shame that he was so in love with the bastard.

He glanced at Skywalker in the corner, who looked horrified.

"Well. I'll be attending." Windu nodded after a moment of consideration.

"Count me in." Kit grinned.

A number of affirmatives rolled around the room, even Yoda agreeing to attend. A comfortable silence had settled in the room, and Cody's shoulders finally dropped. Of course, that was when Anakin broke.

_ "What?!"  _ Skywalker shrieked.  _ "You can just  _ ** _do_ ** _ that?" _

"Do what?" Shaak Ti tilted her head at the young Jedi knight.

"Just- just get married?" Anakin sputtered. "And tell the council like  _ that?" _

Ki Adi raised his eyebrows. "Yes? I have ten wives, young Skywalker." 

"You have  ** _what?_ ** _ " _

Mace turned and blinked. "Anakin. We know you're married to Padmé Amidala."

Skywalker whimpered. "Wh- what?"

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "You two are about as subtle as a bantha in a pottery class. We've known for years."

Cody sensed a perfect opportunity to add fuel to the fire. "What did you think all those hints about Nabooian florists on your anniversary were for?"

"I thought you had picked up a new hobby!" Anakin protested. 

"Marriage, not the problem, is. Attachment, inability to let go, issue has been. Love, implicit in being a Jedi." Yoda interjected. "Happy for Master Kenobi, we are. Happy, too, for you and the Senator we were."

Skywalker looked like he was going to cry out of shock.

"Well, as lovely as it is to see you realize that your subterfuge was for nothing, Cody and I really must be going." Obi-Wan straightened his tabards. "Anakin, do let Padmé know I said hello, and that her invitation is in the mail."

"Oh? Going where, are you, Master Kenobi?" Yoda turned his attention back to the two of them, as Obi-Wan stepped closer to Cody.

As Obi-Wan grabbed his hand, and led him towards the doors, he turned to look over his shoulder "Scariff. If you try to contact me, I'm just going to throw my comm into the ocean."

"Duly noted, Master Kenobi." Did- was  _ Mace Windu _ laughing? Cody wasn't convinced that this wasn't all a fever dream. He half expected Terror to wake him up to take medication any second. "And when should we expect you back?"

"Oh, you'll see us at the wedding." Obi-wan shrugged, swanning out the doors, Cody in tow. 

He followed in a daze as Obi-Wan navigated them to his quarters, where two bags sat unobtrusively on the beat up old sofa. "So when you said we leave-"

"We ought to be at security in an hour." Obi-Wan snorted, picking the bag up to pack his things.

Cody shook his head in quiet disbelief, a dopey smile crossing his face. "I love you."

"I would hope so, seeing as I just mailed out our wedding invitations across the galaxy."

Cody suddenly remembered the first conversation about it they'd had. "Across the-  _ how  _ many people are you inviting? Weren't we just going to have a little courthouse marriage?"

Obi-Wan grimaced. "Satine."

"Ah." He nodded, in complete understanding. "Right, no, that makes sense."

The Jedi went to the cabinet, and transferred the majority of his tea collection into his bag. "There is good news though."

"Oh?" He asked, grabbing the spare set of clothes he kept in the dresser.

"The wedding is in two months. And Satine booked us at an all inclusive resort." Obi-Wan grinned. "And I meant it when I said we weren't coming back until we had to be at the altar."

Cody grinned right back.

\-----

Codington sent an image: boarding_pass_7373829.pdf

_ Codington: sayonara assholes _

_ Wulf: scariff??? You lucky bastard _

_ foxy grandpa: bring me back one of those tacky shirts _

_ rexyback: I can't tell if that's because you're an old fogey or if it's because you're gay, fox _

_ foxy grandpa: that's for me to know, and you to never find out _

_ Blynded By The Light: omg!! congrats!!! Have fun on your honeymoon!!!! _

_ Pondsering: If you die of alcohol poisoning, I will not mourn you. _

\-----

Cody leaned back in the hammock, and curled an arm around Obi-Wan's side, bringing his margarita up to his lips. He used the back of his hand to adjust the sunglasses on the bridge of his nose as he looked out over the sparkling blue water.

Obi-Wan lifted his own glass up lazily, clinking the rims together. "Mm. To our future."

He ducked his head and kissed him softly. "To our future."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. It's done. I cannot express how much it means to me the response this crackfic has received. I wrote this mainly when I was sleep deprived, or when it was slow at work. I adore every single one of you who's made it this far. Take your meds, drink water, make sure you eat something. I love you.

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me on tumblr I'm forcesensitivebantha

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Fun With Ringtones](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22048651) by [Bookboy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bookboy/pseuds/Bookboy)


End file.
